When It’s Time To Learn, Shut Up And Listen

When people take their valuable time to give us instruction or free words of advice, we should focus 100% of that time listening and absorbing the information rather than talking. If we don’t interrupt or feel the need to interject, we’ll learn more, gain respect and improve the odds of receiving advice in the future.

Throughout my career I have had countless people ask for a small block of time to pick my brain. In literally 90% of these conversations, they spend more time talking than listening. I would often get off the phone thinking, there’s another person who can’t shut up and listen to advice without having to say something.

In fact it’s rare to find people who really understand how to take advantage of our time together. Yesterday I had a telephone conversation with a man I had never met. By the time we got off the phone I found myself beginning to admire a guy I had never talked to before. Why? Because he listened intently and asked good questions. Sounds so simple.

Not really. The same day I had a conversation with Darren Hardy, the publisher of Success Magazine. Darren took his valuable time to give me some advice about a decision I needed to make. And what did I find myself doing? Talking. Interjecting. I became one of those people who drive me crazy.

I got off the phone totally disappointed in myself. Why did I feel the need to interject and comment? Was it ego? Was it my inability to keep my mouth shut? Was it that I felt I needed to agree by sharing a related story? What was it?

While I still don’t know the answer, I made the commitment that from this day forward I am going to shut up and listen. When people take their valuable time to give me advice and help me grow, I am not going to say boo until such time as there has been a two second pause. Not boo.

How about you? Do you think you can do it? Will you join me in making the same commitment? If you accept my challenge, then say, “I do” right now.

85% of our learning comes from listening and you can’t listen when you are talking.

About the Author: Todd Smith is a successful entrepreneur of 29 years and founder of Little Things Matter. To receive Todd’s daily lessons, subscribe here.

Related Posts:

Who Do I Have to Become to Get What I Want

The Value of Feedback and Criticism

To Earn Respect You Must Show Respect

10 Ways To Be A Good Listener

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  • Hi Todd,

    I do! I recently became aware of this weekness of mine when one of my business partners was sharing a story, I noticed she kept having to say "hang on" each time I interrupted as I was so eager to respond, instead of just waiting for her to finish. I appologized to her at the end and realized that my response and advice would not have been accurate and that I realized that I should have listened and waited for her to finish. This is a challenge I most definitely will take on Todd, thank you for reminding me how important it is to just "shut up and listen".

    Now when I listen to my husband speak he'll probably respond with "Where is my wife and what have you done with her?"



  • Morning Dana- Your experience sounds familiar to me. I would say the #1 thing I have been focusing on recently is listening and it is making a big difference. I hope your husband likes the new Dana! :-)
  • Todd,

    "Ouch", I am certainly committed to listening more.

    Ced
  • HI Ced- Great hearing from you! I will join you in listening more! :-)
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  • Seth
    Wow, I didn't know that 85% of our learning comes via hearing. I knew that I learn a lot more when I'm listening and not reading (true), but not that much! It's amazing that.

    Thanks for this post!!

  • Hi Seth- Thanks for taking your time to comment on my post. We could even break that 85% down to all the factors that play a role in how we learn from hearing such as voice tone, modulation, etc. It's fun to learn!
  • Jeff Mack
    I do! So true Todd. Thanks again, for the valuable reminder and the opportunity to grow!
  • Morning Jeff- Shutting up and listening was never a problem for you, except in the board meetings. :-)
  • charliepillot
    Todd, Thank you for your honesty. My word for 2010 is "Listen". I thought it was "Focus" but when you have one of those moments at 3:00 in the morning and you hear your inner voice saying no it's not "Focus" but "LISTEN". You Listen! I can't tell you how this is transforming me to become a person who is truly learning to appreciate other people. By something so simple, but not always easy, you can touch others in a way you couldn't before by just listening to them. It's truly a way of honoring that person. I listen to your podcast daily and appreciate them all. Thank you for helping me become a better person!
  • HI Charlie- I will join you in this challenge for 2010. This weekend I was extra intentional about listening and not talking. It was fun to just sit back and listen and not think about anything I wanted to say. Thank you for taking your time to comment and for your thoughtful words of encouragement.
  • Ernesto_Busnelli
    Thank you for helping me fight my war. I have always been an intent listener and a good "shut upper"
    When others interrupt me or ask a question and end up answering to themselves what they want to hear I cannot "stand it"
    When I make the point to the other part I end up usually being accused of being difficult and structured in interaction.
    If I cannot change my friends... I had better change friends huh?
    :-)))))))
  • Ernesto- If I were to pick the one person on planet earth who has the most destructive friends, it would be you. I definitely think it is time to find some friends who are encouraging and positive. You are a bright guy with some great talents, but your friends comments are no doubt haunting you. Thanks for sharing openly!
  • I do...too :) I am actually more of a listener and also an advice giver (problem solver)..lol I would guess I am both but most always the last to speak, I like to gather as much information as possible before giving an opinion on anything.
  • Shawna- That is a GREAT attribute. I should do a lesson on this one day!
  • vickianzalone
    I DO !! Its actually heartwarming to see this side of you Todd. I'd like to say I can't relate but I'd be lying. For me, when I get "mouth-runith-over" syndrome its usually because I'm excited and want to share and interject especially when you're speaking to someone who you respect and admire and feel privileged to have on the phone. I try and take a deep breath and "sometimes" that works !!
  • Vicki- What happens on the other times when you take a deep breath? Does it not work? :-) I actually screw up all the time. I just don't tell my readers. :-)
  • Melinda
    I am. This is something I have been making considerable effort toward improving for quite a few years now with measurable success. Talking too much, for me, is just a side effect of my overwhelming excitement and passion for what I am doing. I mean no harm by it.

    What I have done personally to improve, is to "super listen" which consists of asking relevant questions and sometimes taking notes to not only prove to myself that I am listening but also leads to a more productive problem solving session in the end. In one of my first management meetings with a new company I was apparently the most talkative new managers they had seen. My boss took me out to coffee the next day and explained to me that she knew I was passionate and respected that quality, however, I had to win over my new teams with gentleness and perseverance. I thanked her sincerely because I appreciated the honest helpful feedback and then I took her advice. Without that grain of truth I could have gone on like that and ruined my opportunities but instead I enjoyed many successes practicing my listening, gaining respect, and offering more valuable insight when I did talk.

    Thank you for that little reminder. As I plan the future of my own consulting business (and impact on the world), I am glad I found your website for guidance and motivation.
  • Hi Melina- great story! I am sure your bosses respect for you grew and was even more willing to help you in the future. Congratulations! I am glad you found my blog too. Thanks for your contribution.
  • I do

    I think I need to keep this top of mind
  • Hi Matt- Thanks for your commitment!
  • Jennipher Hau
    I do!
  • Go Girl! I was with your dad this weekend. We had a great time celebrating Grandy's birthday. Just don't ask him how he did in tennis. :-)

    He is so proud of you!
  • Todd,

    That's an excellent advice, I will take the challenge. I know I can be defensive when I disagree on something and that is something that I need to work on. Being a good listener is one way to gain respect! Thanks for sharing this.
  • Thanks Mario for making your commitment public and for commenting on this post! There is definitely a pattern were several of us find it hard to keep our mouths shut when we are in a defensive position. The funny thing is that I did not even reference this in my post, but you are probably the third or fourth person to make the same point. Great point!
  • Todd,

    This is one challenge that will take a lifetime to perfect. To think that after all your success and experience, YOU are still working on this says a lot.

    People's nature is to feel loved and important. I think out of that desire, we tend to interrupt and interject our thoughts. We want to feel "important", when really the best thing we can do is.... SHUT UP AND LISTEN.

    Thanks for the great post.
    Josh Cearbuagh
  • Hi Josh- I have been working on a lot of these lessons for years. Some come more natural to me than others. I think the key is to be AWARE of your weaknesses so you can focus on them. You are already good at this point. For you it appears to come more natural or you just use great restraint.
  • pitterpat
    I do
  • Thanks for your public commitment.
  • Louis
    Todd I can understand how you feel I have felt the same way numerous times and I'm committed to being a GREAT listener!

    Thanks for your honesty.
  • Hi Louis- I like the old feel, felt, found! :-) I join you in this commitment to be a GREAT listener. Thanks for taking your time to comment.
  • Gordon has a good point. Not only are we not listening when we are talking, but also when we are waiting to talk. Of course, it's completely valid to respond to questions, but when we are talking just to prove that we know something or to defend a position contrary to what we are hearing then we've thrown up a wall between us and the expert we've consulted. I like your advice, Todd. I'm going to have to do more shutting up myself.
  • Hi Greg- Thanks for your comment. From one blogger to another, this post has received more comments than any post to date. Perhaps something to study here. I don't have a theory yet.
  • donnabrewer
    Good morning Todd, "I do right now". This is one of your so many awesome lessons yet! Yes, I as one, have been guilty of this. When on the other end, I have felt as you do about the other person who just won't shut and allow you to finish your thought. Let this be a great lesson to us all, when we are being spoken to, "shut up and listen". Your freind and avid fan, Donna Brewer
  • Thanks Donna! :-)
  • As Ben Franklin once said, "we were given two ears and one mouth for a reason and should use them in that proportion." The cocktail party is the prime example of everyone talking and nobody listening. If someone is quiet it is usually not that they are listening, but rather thinking of what they are going to say next to be heard. There is usually no continuity in the discussion with nothing but a bunch of one liner attention getters. I am a firm believer that we all can learn from anyone and must be paying attention all the time. Many times it is not the person you expected that can teach you something. Thanks Todd for reminding us all to all become better listeners. I DO!
  • Hi Gordon- Thanks for taking your time to share with all of us. Great points!
  • kerwinarnejo
    Thank you so much Todd for the information , because sometimes i was selfish and very defensive. Thank you again for the reminder was a great advice.
  • Kerwin- I hope I have your name right. Thanks for your comment and candor!
  • Denny Cwiek
    This drives me bonkers too. I have been in the company of other people when we have been given the opportunity to meet for a limited time with someone with great knowledge in our area of interest. My urge to strangle would almost overcome me when someone in my group would dominate our allotted time with this person by continually interrupting, interjecting and adding stories and examples of their own. Arruuugghh! Thank you for this important lesson!
  • Denny- Reading your message makes me smile. I can sense the frustration through your comment. Thanks for taking your time to comment.
  • I DO!
    What great advice Todd. You are giving so much value to my life through this blog. Thank you for giving freely of your abundant wisdom!

    Jeremy
  • Hi Jeremy- Thanks for your kind words! You are going through a massive growth phase, which means you value to the market is growing. Will you double your income this year?
  • lisasellman
    I do! Being aware of the gift of intelligence from another human is one of the greatest gifts we can receive. Also, when we are aware enough to listen, it is a chance for us to take that moment and feel part of the human race and not be in the thoughts of what do I have to do next. I learned along time ago to listen when another gives me the honor of sharing advice.
  • Hi Lisa- I like how you think. Thanks for sharing!
  • I am so like you said and I have walked away from conversations saying to myself what did I just do. Would have like to turn back the clock. Thank you for the great reminder.
  • Hi Roxie- The good thing is we both recognized we said too much. :-)
  • sherrydixon
    I do. If I am really actively listening in the context of taking advice,when I am fully engaged the only thing to come out of my mouth are more questions. If I just add to the conversation it because I am defensive about what the other has said and feel the need to prove MY point in which case I am usually not really hearing what they are saying. However, When someone comes to me for advice I also ask questions first...I find that is the way to get them fully engaged and allow them to think for themselves, it allows me to find out what their "baseline" thinking is so I know from what point my advice needs to start...no sense in telling them what they already know.
  • Hi Sherry- Thanks for sharing your views. I'm like you, I get a little jumpy when someone is in the attack mode. I also agree about asking others questions when they come to use for advice. The best advice will always come from better understanding the full situation.
  • _m_('U')_m_
    Kilroy Was Here Networking...I do Todd...“If you don’t know how to listen, why would anyone want you to speak?” - K.J. Kilroy Was Here!..I'm Just A Guy Who Was Here There & Everywhere...
    Kevin J. Kilroy
  • Kevin- Thanks for bringing a smile to my face.
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