Monthly Archives: May 2010

The Valleys Define the Leaders

Leaders are easily identified during the best of times, but it’s the tough times that really breed and define great leaders. Look around. How many people do you see who are stepping up their game and navigating challenging circumstances?  If you are like me, there aren’t many.

Today, we are smack in the midst of a leadership drought. This economic downturn has exposed everyone’s warts. It has separated the real leaders from those who thought they were leaders.

Economic difficulties need not mean that we lower our standards for leadership. If anything, we should raise our sights. This is your opportunity to take control of your future, build your self-worth, and increase your market value.

Whether you lead a business, nonprofit organization, religious institution, or family, here are some thoughts for you to consider on being an extraordinary leader during tough and challenging times.

1.  Seize the moment- Today’s leaders realize NOW is their opportunity to distinguish themselves. They know most people don’t have what it takes to lead during difficult times, so they are growing, pushing, and stretching like never before. While their progress may be slow due to the negative economic currents, they are gaining ground and separating themselves from everyone else who is slipping back.

2.  Suck it up- Yes, times are tough and everyone knows it, but true leaders aren’t griping and complaining like everyone else who seems to have crawled into their defensive cocoons. Instead, they have sucked it up, licked their bruises, learned their lessons, and are focused on offense.

3.  Consume personal growth content- Great leaders aren’t born; they are sculpted through years of learning and growth. They understand the only way to grow and improve is through learning. Today’s leaders are hungry for knowledge that will inspire, motivate, and give them an edge. They also know the best source of valuable content comes from their successful predecessors.

4.  Have a plan- While having a plan for what you want to accomplish has always been important, tough times make it all the more critical. This is not a time for a wing and a prayer. Extraordinary leaders map out their direction with compass-like accuracy.

5.  Fight—It’s easy to get discouraged and have moments of doubt and fear when faced with challenging and difficult times. Great leaders know that when they get down and discouraged, they are not alone. But rather than wallowing in self-pity, today’s leaders are kicking, scratching, and fighting to win. They know deep inside their gut that NOW is the time to attack.

6.  Position yourself—It is easy to take a breather when you’re down in the valleys, but great leaders aren’t standing still. They are working hard to plant their crops and know full well that you must sow before you reap.  When the season changes, the harvest will come, and they will be positioned to lead like never before.

 Whether you are a stay-at-home mom or the CEO of your own company, I want to challenge you to step it up.  Grab hold of the reins and become a role model. Our world is starving for your leadership.

If you have never been in a leadership role before, start looking for opportunities to lead. They are all around you if you are searching for them.  Start to take a leadership role with small projects. Then, as your confidence grows, take on bigger projects.  Sure, it will be a little scary at first, but you can do it.

If you want to control your future, then become the leader of the future. It’s the leaders who have full control, not the followers. As you seize leadership opportunities, you’ll begin to distinguish yourself from 95% of your peers. The process of inspiring and motivating others will enhance your self-worth, market value, and contribution to our society as a whole.

It’s leading through the valleys of fear, darkness, and doubt that define great leaders.

Do You Have What It Takes?

As I have watched and studied thousands of want-to-be entrepreneurs over my career, I have learned a lot about what it really takes to succeed at a high level.  While there are many things that go into achieving great success, there is one common attribute I’ve seen in 100% of the people who have gone on to attain greatness.

Do you have persistence?

If you have set big goals for your life, the only way you will achieve them is by being persistent. Why?  Because achieving anything worthwhile is a journey through life’s battlefield that requires a sustained effort over an extended period of time.  Read the biographies of successful people and you won’t find one who said it was easy or fast.

The road to reaching your goals will be filled with roadblocks that will require you to modify your course. You will experience pounding hailstorms that will beat the tar out of you and cause you to question whether it is worth it. You will have people telling you that you will never make it. There is a reason there is very little traffic when going the extra mile.

What is critical to understand is achieving a high level of success at anything is very difficult, which is why so few people enjoy the rewards that come with reaching their goals.  My life experiences have taught me most people (95%+) quit when times get tough.

Years ago, I had a fellow Realtor tell me that 99 out of 100 people who go to real estate school don’t renew their license the next year. Not only did these people not have the persistence to win, they didn’t have the resolve in their bones to do more than get their licenses.  What a tragedy!

What type of persistence does it take to win?

If you are going to win, you must be mentally prepared to face your challenges head-on. You must know it’s not going to be easy. You must be strong enough to fight through disappointments, failures, and times of discouragement. You must be patient, because achieving anything worthwhile takes time.

Most importantly, if you are giving your best and making measurable progress, you must never give up.  When you quit, you are throwing the towel in the ring and saying “I give up.”  While there are times to give up, as I pointed out in my post When Quitting is the Best Decision You Can Make, those times should be the exception if you are making good decisions.

What is your biggest goal?

When you look at your goals, what is the one goal that is really important to you? (Don’t continue until you have it selected.)

Is that goal important enough to you that you will stay the course and do what is required of you to win?  When you get down and discouraged, are you strong enough to pick yourself up by the bootstraps and continue with the attitude of a winner?

Here is what I know: you can achieve anything that is important to you if you are willing to pay the price required to succeed. The great thing about success is it cannot be purchased; it is available to anyone who is willing to work hard, remain disciplined, and persevere.

I want to challenge you to step up your game.  Push harder than you have ever pushed yourself before.  When you get down, remind yourself that everyone gets down, but the difference between you and many others is that you are a winner and not a quitter.  Believe you are a winner and you will win.

During the darkest hour is when the winners in life dig deep inside to gather the strength to win.

Do You Get Defensive?

What is your emotional state when you get defensive? Does your stress level rise?  Does your body tense up a little?  Do you tend to go into a combative mode?

When you get defensive, do you feel more open to the views of others, or do you close up like a clam?  Are you more likely to say things you regret, or do you have a respectful conversation?  Is your mind more or less creative?

It’s very difficult to be objective and see the other person’s point of view when we are in a defensive state.  Our emotions cause us to become less effective in our interactions and decision-making and more at risk of offending and alienating people.

Why do we get defensive?

Our natural tendency is to be defensive.  All of us crave to be appreciated and noticed. When people agree with our thinking, it lifts our spirits. It adds fuel to our motivational fire, enhances our self-worth, and increases our sense of fulfillment. It’s only normal then that when people don’t openly accept our view on a given subject, we feel a little defensive.

The magical solution

For most of my career, I’ve considered being defensive a weakness of mine. Unfortunately, simply being aware of this fault did not prevent it from happening.  Despite being conscious of my words and body language and attempting to think before I responded, deep down I often felt defensive in certain situations.

A conversation with my brother Barry a few months back enlightened me. Barry is an expert on personality types. He is not only a certified Myers Brigg consultant and trainer, but he is just generally intrigued by the differences in people and how those differences are communicated.

Barry explained that not only are people’s views and beliefs formed by their life experiences, but also by their genetic personality types. My own family is a perfect example. Two of my children born and raised in the same home see things completely differently based on their personality type.

Barry described the interrelationship between personality type and group or team dynamics. To be an effective team, the individual members must not only understand their own personality type, but also the personality types of the others on the team.  When people begin to understand and respect each other’s differences, productivity increases and job satisfaction improves.

Barry’s conversation was very helpful to me.  Now, when people disagree with my point of view, I immediately go into an “inquisitive mode,” instead of a “defensive mode,” with an authentic desire to see things through their eyes.

Seeing and understanding these differences has increased my level of respect for people, and I realize that when people debate my point of view, it’s not an attack but rather it’s an opportunity to learn and expand my thinking. I’ve actually enjoyed learning more about people and processing how they think differently.

The next time you start to feel defensive, use your self-control to take control of your thinking.  Reflect on this lesson and challenge yourself to open your mind and try as hard as you can to look at the situation through their eyes.

Being curious about another’s point of view is eye-opening. You will be less judgmental. New ideas will suddenly appear. You’ll have a better attitude and you’ll feel less of a need to be right. The admiration and respect from others will naturally follow. Perhaps most importantly, you will learn to be grateful for our differences.

Just as everyone looks different, they are different.  When you look at people as God’s individual creations and value your differences, you will experience greater joy in your life.

It’s for “Personal Reasons”

One of the little things I learned years ago was to use discretion in what I share with people. While being honest is always paramount, there are times when you need to use good judgment in what you share.  This is especially true if it has the potential to hurt feelings and damage relationships. It’s not always necessary to “tell all.”

I can think of 1001 situations that require us to give a reason for our actions. Perhaps it’s an appointment cancellation or rescheduling, the return of merchandise, or the need to take a day off.

In most cases, I openly share the reasons for my actions when asked.  If however, I want to keep my reason private, I tell them it’s for “personal reasons.” You’ll notice that people will NEVER ask about the personal reasons.

Here’s a good example. If my friend Gordon calls today to invite me to go 100 miles offshore fishing for Warsaw Grouper tomorrow, I can’t pass up that invitation. So unless there is something absolutely critical on my to-do list that must get accomplished tomorrow, I am going fishing.

If I have a couple of non-urgent calls scheduled, I will need to reschedule those calls. Here’s where “it’s personal” comes in.  I would say, “Mike, I am sorry but I am going to have to reschedule our call. Here is my availability over the next couple of days. What works best for you?”  If Mike were to ask the reason, I would tell him: It’s for “personal reasons.”

Unless Mike is a friend who would understand and want me to take the day off to go fishing, he could be offended and conclude that he was not as important to me as fishing. I have learned a lot of people think this way.

This morning, I was giving advice to a friend who needed to cancel his apartment lease because he found a place he would rather live.  I told him to simply say, “Hi Joe, I’ve had a change of events in my life, and for personal reasons, I am going to need to cancel my lease early. I’m sorry for any inconvenience this may cause you. I want to work with you and I will do everything I can to make this transition work for you so that you are not out any money.”

If he called his landlord and said, “Hey Joe, I found a better place to live so I’ll need to cancel my lease,” you can imagine what Joe would say.

I have learned that in most cases in life, the less you say, the better.

Please understand I would never use this reason to mislead or deceive someone or cause my integrity to be questioned in any manner. The ONLY time I use it is if I don’t want to disclose my reason.

The next time you don’t want to share the reason for your actions, ask yourself if “personal reasons” works.

Your personal and professional success is not only determined by the little things you do, but also by the little things you don’t do.

Don’t Play Guessing Games

Recently, I attended a party and overheard a guy trying to guess a young lady’s age. I knew trouble was brewing because I have known this gal for years and knew she looked younger than she really was. The guy guessed she was 16 years old.

When she told him she was 23, he looked “shocked,” which didn’t help the situation at all. He then stuck his foot further into his mouth (probably all the way down his throat) and said, “You look so young. I bet you get carded everywhere you go.” She responded and said, “I don’t drink.” Oops!

This exchange made me think. Why do people play guessing games? Is it that they get sucked into guessing because of peer pressure? Is there an inner need to feel like they can accurately guess things? Perhaps it’s just one of those things they’ve never been taught. I learned this lesson like my friend, by sticking my foot down my throat. (I hate to admit it, but it happened more than once.)

Trying to guess someone’s age is one of those dangerous roads you don’t want to go down. You’ll most likely offend the person if you guess they are older than they look, or in the case of the girl at the party, hurt her feelings because she may not want to look so young. Your lack of discretion and bad guess could also reflect poorly on you to the people watching. So the only positive that can come from accurately guessing someone’s age is that you guessed correctly.

In writing this post, I considered other situations where people play guessing games. Statements like “guess how much money I make”, “guess how much I weigh”, “guess what country I’m from,” or “guess how many months she’s been pregnant” are four other examples of no-win situations. In evaluating the pros and cons of this type of guessing, I believe the cons far outweigh the pros of getting the answer right.

Guess how many jelly beans are in the jar when you go to the carnival, but don’t play guessing games in other areas of your life. When someone asks you to make a guess where the downside could hurt someone, just decline by saying “I prefer not to guess.”

Among my most prized possessions are words that I have never spoken.  ~Orson Rega Card

Do You Say Things You Later Regret?

Six months ago, if someone were to ask me about my greatest weakness, I would have said that I had the tendency to say things I later regretted.  In some cases, I was trying to be funny.  In others, I just said the first thing that came to my mind or I felt I needed to contribute something to the conversation. And sometimes I did not have my ego in check.

A problem of mine for many years, it was one of those weaknesses that I just couldn’t seem to overcome despite my best efforts.  While I haven’t yet conquered the problem, I have made some great progress over the last six months.

It’s time for your self-evaluation.  Do you say things you later regret?  Do you say things that have hurt others?  Do you sound a little egotistical at times? Do you ever fire off an email you wish you hadn’t sent? Do you tend to overreact if you are angry or annoyed?

Everyone will tell you to “think before you speak” if you want to solve the problem of talking too much or saying the wrong things, but this stand-alone technique wasn’t working for me. I knew I had to try something different.

In this lesson, I am going to share with you six strategies that have begun to make a noticeable difference in my life.

1.  Talk less—I have been intentional about talking less.  After all, you can’t say anything stupid when you aren’t talking. Sitting back, listening, and observing others talk has been an enlightening experience for me. There’s always someone who wants the floor. It’s been a lot like watching a movie with your friends, family, or colleagues in the starring roles.

2.  Ask questions—I have been EXTRA intentional about asking people questions.  Asking questions forces you to listen more than you talk and requires you to think about what you are going to say because you can’t ask a question without thinking about it first.

I’ve observed two remarkable things.  One, my questions have allowed others to talk more, which they clearly have enjoyed. In some cases, I’ve seen them light up when answering my questions. Second, asking questions has demonstrated my interest in them, naturally drawing us closer.  I feel all of my relationships have improved using this technique.

3.  Don’t talk about me—I have been blessed with a rewarding career, financial success, and extraordinary family life, and it’s hard not to talk about myself and be proud of my accomplishments.  The last thing I want to do is sound egotistical, and it’s hard to find the right balance.

So for right now, I’m not going to talk about ME. I have learned that people prefer talking about themselves, and I would rather have conversations revolving around my interest in them.

4.  The “Two Second” Rule—This is one of the most effective communication tips I’ve discussed in several blog posts. After someone finishes speaking, wait two seconds to make sure they have completed their thoughts.

Focusing on this has been eye-opening. In most cases, someone’s pause only lasts one second and they start talking again. Some people speak slowly; others wait to see if you have something to say, and if you don’t, they continue to speak.

Being deliberate with the two-second rule has definitely reduced the number of words coming out of my mouth and my odds of saying something I later regret.

5.  Focusing on responding, not reacting—It seems like when I feel angry, aggravated, or frustrated, I am at a high risk of saying something I might later regret. Am I alone?

I now try to “take a step back” when I feel like I could say something I might regret. Using my self-control, I say to myself over and over again, “Be smart. Don’t say anything you will regret. Be smart. Don’t say anything you will regret.”  This has been VERY hard at times and I can’t tell you I have been perfect, but I have made great progress.

6.  Thinking before speaking—Lastly, because of the combination of these points and my strong desire to improve in this area, I have just been more careful with what I say.  I think writing the Little Things Matter blog and interacting with people on the Little Things Matter Facebook page has made me more aware of what I say and how I handle myself in my interactions with others.  It has forced me to think before I write or speak and consider how my words may be interpreted by others.

The benefits of my self-improvement in this area have been apparent. I’ve dramatically reduced the need for apologies. I have learned a lot about other people.  I’ve deepened my relationships. I have improved my self-control and I feel better about myself.

So, being honest with yourself, does this lesson have application to you?  Why not implement the strategies that have helped me?  What have you got to lose?

One of the greatest tests you will ever take is to test whether you can keep your mouth shut.

How to Keep From Forgetting Things

When was the last time you forgot to do something that was expected of you?  How did it make you feel? Are you concerned about the impression you made?

Responsible people do what’s expected of them without being reminded.  How do they accomplish this? Do they have a great memory? Maybe, but they don’t rely on it. In today’s over-scheduled world, counting on your memory to remember your responsibilities is never a good strategy.

When you make the decision to take pride in doing what is expected of you and NEVER again need to be reminded of a responsibility, you’ll experience a greater sense of satisfaction and success. Here are some of the specific benefits you will enjoy:

• You will become more respected because people know they can count on you.
• People will enjoy working on your team because they know you will do what is expected of you.
• Those who follow your leadership will learn from your example and their admiration for you will grow.
• You will experience less stress because your focus won’t be on trying to remember nor will you find out at the last minute that you haven’t done something you were expected to do.
• Your self-image will grow because you will be doing the things you know you should do without having to be reminded.
• Your value to the market will soar because the market places a high value on those who are responsible.

Six Simple Strategies to Keep From Forgetting Things

Here are the strategies I have used over the years to keep from forgetting things.  These methods have been so effective for me that it is extremely rare for me to miss a deadline or fail to fulfill a responsibility.

1.  Write things down- There is no method more effective in remembering things than simply writing them down.  In my case, I work from a prioritized daily to-do list. This is a pad of paper I carry with me EVERYWHERE I go.

This pad of paper serves two purposes.  First, it is my prioritized daily action plan listing in priority sequence my responsibilities for the day. Second, it’s my “tool” for making notes.

If I think of something I need to do, I write it down on my to-do list.  If I have a phone conversation with someone and there is something I need to do, I write it down on my to-do list.  If I am in a meeting and I am assigned a responsibility, I write it down on my to-do list.

By writing everything I need to do on ONE pad of paper, I have all my responsibilities in one place, rather than scattered about on different sticky notes, folders, and miscellaneous pieces of paper.

2.  Do them immediately- Another great strategy to keep from forgetting things is to do them immediately. If I am working, my general rule is that anything I can do in less than two minutes I do immediately without pause or delay.  As an example, if my wife asks me to carry the laundry to the laundry room, I do it immediately, rather than putting it on my to-do list.

If I am not in work mode and my wife asks me to do a project that will take 10 minutes, then I get up and do it immediately without delay. She appreciates me getting it done instantly, and truthfully, just knocking it out and getting it done is better for me. Then I don’t need to add it to my to-do list and come back to it later.

3.  Send myself a reminder- This morning while having coffee with my wife, she gave me the date of my daughter’s upcoming recital. I didn’t have my to-do list handy, so I picked up my laptop sitting on the table and sent myself an email reminder.

4.  Set my alarm- If there is an important conference call I cannot afford to miss, I will set my cell phone alarm to remind me five minutes in advance of the call. This allows me to remain focused on my responsibilities without constantly having to look at the clock in anticipation of the call.

5.  Put something somewhere as a reminder- If I get in my car and realize I am almost out of gas I will do something to remind me to get gas.  I might put a sticky note (I always have a pad of stickies in my car) below the speedometer so every time I look at how fast I am going, I see the reminder note.  Or if I am going somewhere and don’t want to forget to bring something, I will put it by the front door with my car keys on top of it.

6.  Have the other party initiate the call- Here’s my rule for scheduling calls: if I request the call, I take responsibility for initiating it.  If someone asks me for a call, then I ask that person to initiate it. This ensures that I can focus on my work and not look at the clock every two minutes to make sure I don’t miss making the call.

These are just some of the strategies that have helped me over the years. Please share how you keep from forgetting things in the comments section below.

Remember, there is no distinction between being responsible in your personal and professional life.  You are either a person who takes pride in being responsible or you are not.

I want to challenge you to make the commitment that you will be responsible in EVERY part of your life and that from this day forward you will focus on becoming a person who fulfills your responsibilities without having to be reminded. Will you accept this challenge?

When you make the decision that you will take pride in being a person who always does what is expected of you, a new world of opportunities will open before your eyes.

Being Honest With Ourselves

I’ve said it before, but it’s worth repeating: in my opinion, the most important of all human qualities is one’s character. Without it, a person may have short-term success but seldom will they enjoy long-term success.

A large component of character is our honesty. Telling lies to others to gain power or money will eventually defeat us, but equally damaging are the lies we tell ourselves. Clouded views, poor judgments, and a negative self-image are the byproducts of this self-deception, and unless you start being honest with yourself, it’s highly unlikely you’ll ever be a success at anything.

Cold, Hard Truth

When you are honest with yourself, you see things exactly as they are. There’s no smoke and mirrors, no pretending or playing games, no justifying or making excuses, and no denying the facts. It’s just the cold, hard truth.

Yesterday, I decided to go to the local hole-in-the-wall restaurant for a couple of slices of pizza. When I made the decision, I knew I was going to eat one of the unhealthiest foods I could put in my body.

I didn’t try to justify my decision by saying the cheese is healthy because it comes from cow’s milk. The crust is healthy because it comes from whole grains. The sauce is healthy because it comes from tomatoes. The sausage is healthy because it contains protein. I didn’t play games with myself; I knew I was making a poor food choice, period.

How Honest Are You With Yourself?

Being completely honest with yourself helps develop a keen sense of what’s right and wrong. You’ll see things more accurately. You’ll make better decisions. All of which lead to a greater level of personal and professional success.

Let’s do a little test to see how honest you are with yourself. Your first reaction to the questions below will reveal the answer.

1.  Do you think you are overweight? If 10 doctors were to give you an exam, what would they say?

2.  Do you eat healthy foods? If 10 nutritionists were to look at your dietary intake, would they agree?

3.  Do you have the tendency to over-drink? What would your family members say?

4.  Do you listen to people without interrupting? What would the last five people you talked to say?

5.  Do you tend to overreact in stressful situations? What would your co-workers say?

6.  Are you in control of your life, or is your life in control of you? Think about it. You know the truth.

How’d you do?

100% Honest 100% of the Time

Here’s the bottom line: if you want to advance your life personally or professionally, you must be 100% honest with yourself 100% of the time.

I make bad decisions just as I did last night when I had pizza. But I know I am making them. I don’t play games with myself trying to pretend those bad decisions aren’t bad decisions.

But we’re not just talking about eating pizza when you know it’s bad for you. It’s about making a conscious effort to see all things as they are. Lying to ourselves may make a bad situation seem better in the short term, but in the long term, it can only make things worse.

No doubt being honest with myself over the years has allowed me to refine my craft. By accurately viewing my performance I’ve taken the necessary steps to make improvements. As an example, I have recorded every group presentation I have given this year. By looking at my presentations with a critical eye, I’ve identified areas where I can improve and get better.

Only by being 100% honest with myself have I been able to see the little things that can refine my daily activities and advance my career.

I believe deep down inside we all know what is right and wrong. It’s part of our moral DNA. We just have to listen to what our gut is telling us, and our gut instincts are almost always right.

I know this is not an easy subject to face. There’s a large fear factor here. But being honest with yourself is one of the first steps towards experiencing true happiness and satisfaction in life. Will you work on being 100% honest with yourself?

You cannot be honest with others if you are not first honest with yourself.

Exploring a New World of Possibilities

According to Wikipedia, creativity is described as a “mental process involving the discovery of new ideas or concepts, or new associations of the existing ideas or concepts, fueled by the process of either conscious or unconscious insight.”  Said in simple terms, it’s thinking outside the box.

In this lesson, I am going to share with you my best technique for being creative.  Implementing this strategy throughout my career and personal life has forced me to be innovative when it would have been easier to choose a more standard approach.

What do you do?

Before I share my strategy with you, I’d like you to consider your own. When you go into problem-solving mode, how many different options do you generally consider? When you search for a better way to do something, do you make a list of your choices?

If you’re like most people I’ve met, you probably consider fewer than 5 options and these are the ones that immediately come to your mind. Are there others? Where are they? Deep in the recesses of your brain? It’s time to bring them out!

Make a list of 20 options

The next time you need to solve a problem or explore a better way to do something, compile a written list of 20 options.  Not 5, 10, or 15. I said 20!

The first five things you think of will be the tip of the iceberg. They’ll probably be the same five things everyone else would think of in a similar situation.  They are the most obvious answers. The key here is to stretch yourself to think of 20.  You will struggle to get up to 13 or 14, but your biggest breakthroughs will come when you push yourself to 18, 19, and 20.  Oftentimes, it is in those final three where you will find the hidden jewels.

Here are some circumstances where you can apply this lesson:

• Where your family should go on vacation next year
• Evaluating where you want to move
• Considering restaurant options for a special occasion
• Your career options
• Ways to cut expenses
• Making investment decisions
• How to stand out from the crowd in your profession
• Strategies to drive sales
• How to provide a higher level of service to your customers
• Choosing different incentive programs for your sales team
• Improving your ability to reach your target market
• Finding a babysitter on New Year’s Eve

These are just a few examples of what I suspect are hundreds of opportunities that could benefit from this creative exercise.

The biggest challenge you will have is sticking with the process. It takes more effort than you think to make a list of 20 options. I can think of several occasions where I had to really press myself to think of 20. My head hurt so badly that I had to take a break and come back to it.  But the intense focus always opened my mind and forced me to ponder things that I normally wouldn’t have considered.

Here is my recommendation to you: the next time you have to solve a problem or think of a better way to accomplish something, sit down with a pad of paper and a pen and make a list of 20 options.  Don’t stop at 17. Push yourself to 20.

Your next step is to make a list of the pros and cons of each option.  From there, narrow your list down to your top options and study them. If you remove emotion from your decision and focus on the facts, it’s likely you’ll make the best decision. And at the very least, you’ll feel confident that you’ve explored all of the available options. You might even have fun in the process.

So, is there anything going on in your life right now where you can apply this lesson?  If the answer is yes, grab a pad of paper and get started.

To be creative, you must go where you have not been before. You must expand your mind to new ideas, opportunities, and a fresh way of thinking. Only then will discover a new world of possibilities.

Sometimes Five Seconds Is All It Takes

An interesting experience last week reminded me that sometimes it only takes five seconds to make an impact.

I had a public-speaking engagement and during the two-day event, I exchanged business cards with numerous people.  Because, frankly, I am proud of my new Little Things Matter business cards, I noticed people’s reactions when I gave them one.  Some people immediately put it in their pocket or wallet without even looking at it, while others studied it and in some cases either asked a question or said something complimentary about my card.

Here is what I found most interesting.

I found myself attracted to the people who took an extra five seconds to look at my business card.

I also found myself feeling slightly offended by those who had no interest in looking at my card.

Here’s the really intriguing part: my reactions were instinctive. I didn’t realize that my impressions were being formed so quickly and that I was looking for a certain reaction when I handed someone my card.

In fact, it wasn’t until I read a Success Magazine article on the airplane trip home that I realized what had happened. The March 2010 issue featured an interview with Mark Jefferies, author of What’s Up With Your Handshake?

In this interview, Mark said, “You have to make the other person feel great about their communication with you.  Don’t put someone’s business card in your pocket.  They are handing you a little life story.  If you don’t take a moment to look at the card, acknowledge it, and say something about it, you are missing a huge opportunity to tilt the scales in your favor.  This is one differentiator point, but it could be all you need to get into positive territory.”

WOW!

His words caused me to think about the weekend and my business-card exchanges.  He described exactly how I felt. Without realizing it, I was attracted to the people who showed an interest in my card and turned off by those who did not.

To me, there were two BIG takeaways from this experience.

First, our opinions and thoughts are often formed at the subconscious level and our reactions become instinctive. As an example, if you greet people with a smile and a firm handshake, they will be instinctively drawn to you. But I doubt they consciously think “I like your smile and handshake.”

This is a perfect example of why little things matter.  Everything we do or don’t do makes an impression.  The more positive impressions we make, the more likable and respected we will become.

Second, there is value in showing an interest in the things that are important to other people, even something as simple as their business card. I must admit that even though I have focused on “the little things” for more than two decades, I had never thought about taking the time to show an interest in someone’s business card.  And I probably have been the guy who barely looked at the card and just put it in my pocket or wallet.

The next time you receive someone’s business card, take the time to really look at it. Perhaps you can compliment them on their logo or ask a question about their company. Demonstrate your interest and remember that five seconds may be all it takes to make a positive impression.

When you show an interest in others and the things that are important to them, they will be instinctively drawn to you.

20 Tips for Positive Group Interactions

Every day, we meet with groups of people socially and professionally. How we interact plays a large role in the impressions we create. Are we taken seriously or do people discount what we say? Do people’s respect for us grow or would they prefer not to be around us anymore? Once again, you are in control.

Following these tips will give you a leg up in your next group meeting or social event.

1.  Dress consistently with how you want to be viewed-—You may think that dressing for success is an overused phrase or that your attire really doesn’t matter. But IT DOES. Remember, you are marketing a product and that product is YOU.

2.  Arrive early—Being early is a stress reliever. You’ll feel prepared and confident, and when others arrive, you can be the first to greet them. But socially, don’t be too early or you’ll catch your host or hostess off guard and unprepared for your arrival.

3.  Put your cell phone away or place put it on silent—Group meetings of any kind should not be interrupted by your personal cell phone activity: calls, texts, or emails. It’s best to leave your phone in the car or put it on silent mode. If you absolutely must receive “important” information, put your phone on vibrate.

4.  Greet everyone—Make sure to greet all members of the group with a warm smile, a firm handshake if appropriate, and repeat his or her name.

5.  Be friendly—If you aren’t naturally outgoing and friendly, then this is “show time” for you. Put on your “game face” and do all you can to make a good impression. Being friendly is HUGE!

6.  Show an interest in others—Ask questions, pay someone a compliment, or listen carefully to what is being discussed.

7.  Introduce yourself— Be proactive and introduce yourself to others in the group. Denny Cwiek’s insightful comment on this blog is right on point. “Todd, something else I do when I run into someone I know I’ve met before, whether I remember their name or not.  I put my hand out and reintroduce myself just in case they don’t remember my name. This lets them save face and immediately makes them more comfortable.  Plus, if I don’t remember their name, there’s a good chance they’ll remind me.”

8.  Introduce others—Once again, Denny hits the nail on the head. “Also, if I’m in a group where there is someone who probably does not know or remember the names of the other people in the group, I make it a point to use everyone’s name several times in the course of the conversation, again, to help that person save face and feel more comfortable.”

9.  Wait to be seated—In a social setting, ask the host or hostess where you should sit. You want to be respectful of how they would like the group seated.

10. Body posture—Sit up straight. Poor posture is an indication of low self-esteem. Leaning forward indicates interest. Crossed arms indicate disinterest or possibly anger. All of your body language sends signals to the group members.

11. Focus your attention on the person talking—Maintain eye contact with the person talking to demonstrate respect and interest in the conversation. This holds true even when the waiter arrives at your table to take a drink or dinner order. If you turn your attention to the waiter, you are indicating the waiter is more important than your dinner guest.

12. Don’t discount anyone’s comments—Don’t dismiss an idea just because it originates from someone who has a different point of view. Remember, everyone is different and the ability to think differently can spark creativity and innovation. There’s just no way you can improve yourself or grow your business if you only value your own ideas.

13. Think before you speak—Don’t be too quick to jump into the conversation. Instead, be a respectful listener and observer. When you do talk, carefully consider what you say. Wouldn’t you rather keep your mouth shut and be thought a fool than open it and prove it?

14. Remember the “two second” rule- Don’t interject or comment until the person has clearly finished speaking. A good rule of thumb is to wait two seconds.

15. Don’t talk about yourself—Resist the temptation to monopolize the conversation. Instead, show an interest in others by asking questions. Then listen attentively and continue the conversation accordingly.

16. Include everyone when talking—When you are the one talking, be sure to share eye contact with each person in the group. Each member will feel valued and included.

17. Don’t change the conversation—Unless there’s a clear indicator that the conversation is finished, don’t change the topic. You don’t want people to feel you don’t have an interest in what’s being discussed or you think what you have to say is more important.

18. Don’t start or participate in a side conversation—Never start or participate in a side conversation even if the person talking is not making eye contact with you. Don’t allow their mistake to prevent you from being a good listener.

19. Excusing yourself—Don’t get up to leave the table in the middle of a conversation. Wait until there is a pause or a shift in the conversation. Otherwise, your actions could be interpreted as a lack of interest in the conversation and the person speaking may well take offense.

20. Say goodbye to each person individually— Make sure to smile, shake hands, or embrace and use each person’s name when the conversation or event is concluded. Make a good last impression.

Everything you do in a group setting makes an impression on everyone in the group. Don’t ever think something doesn’t matter. Everything matters.

Maximizing Your Value

In today’s lesson, I am going to share with you a unique perspective on how you can maximize your value to the market. In a previous post, What’s Your Value To The Market?, I pointed out that we are all paid based on the value we bring to the market. If we want to increase our income, we must first increase our value.

As I shared in People Are as Different as They Look, we all have different talents, strengths, and abilities. God did not create two people alike. Your objective then is to identify your most unique gifts and skills and strategize on how to capitalize on them. This will be your first step to making more money.

Self-assessment

What are your most valuable strengths? What are the things you naturally do better than others?

Let me encourage you to make a list of all your talents, skills, and abilities, and then based on your knowledge of the marketplace, assign an estimated dollar value to each as a stand-alone item.

The example in How to Get Any Job You Want works well here. As an administrative assistant, your strengths may range from answering the phone to writing business plans. Your value could range from $15 an hour for answering the phones to $75 an hour for writing business plans.

In my case, I’m a one-man shop. As an entrepreneur, my tasks run the gamut, from booking airline and hotel reservations (market value of $10 an hour) to being a keynote speaker earning thousands of dollars an hour. It doesn’t take much to recognize where I should spend my time if I want to maximize my value.

Spend Your Time Wisely

Once you identify the things you do that bring the highest value to the market, be creative and determine how you can do those activities more frequently.

In the example of the administrative assistant, you would be wise to spend more time writing business plans and less time answering the phones.

If you are in sales, consider how you can spend more time prospecting, networking, and meeting with prospective clients, as these are the activities that generate the highest market value.

If you are an entrepreneur, consider how you can spend more time doing the things that have the highest market value. Oftentimes, these are the things that ONLY you can do. In my example, I can have my wife or dad book my airline tickets, but only I can present my content as a keynote speaker.

As you evaluate all of your responsibilities, look at the ones that you can delegate to others so you can spend more time doing the ones that will drive revenue and profit.

Strive for Excellence

Once you have identified your talents that command the greatest market value and determined how you can spend more time doing them, your next step is to strive for excellence as you master them. Stretch yourself beyond your previous level of performance and go further than where most people will go. Refine and perfect your craft and you will STAND OUT FROM THE CROWD.

Your Next Step

If you want to increase your income by increasing your market value, take 15 minutes right now to generate a list of your greatest strengths. Then list the dollar value the market will bear for each particular skill.

Once you have completed this task, spend some quiet time over the next couple of days and think about how you can maximize your market value by focusing more of your time on performing the responsibilities with the highest market value.

Lastly, strive for excellence with a commitment to be the best at what you do. Look for the little things you can do to refine and perfect. Build a brand for yourself that commands respect and admiration. A daily routine predicated on using your greatest gifts will bring you lasting personal fulfillment and financial success.

To achieve what you have never achieved before, you must be willing to do what you’ve never done before.

Believe That You Can

It really bothers me to hear people say they can’t do something they are more than capable of doing. I think to myself, why would you think that way? There’s nothing wrong with you. You can do it. Sometimes I want to ask, “If I gave you a million dollars, could you figure out a way to do it?”

In my view, one of life’s greatest tragedies is people falling short of their potential because of self-limiting statements.

I’ve studied the subject long and hard enough to know that limiting beliefs are caused by a variety of factors. Previous mistakes or failures, a continual focus on faults and weaknesses, and surrounding yourself with negative people can create a breeding ground for self-limiting statements.

Once the seed of a limiting belief is planted in the mind, it’s generally fertilized with negative self-talk. Your self-talk is the internal dialogue you have with yourself. When it gets really negative, you say things like “I can’t do anything right,” “I could never do that,” “I can’t make good decisions,” or something else along those lines. These statements are all false, yet you allow yourself to think they are true.

Psychologists advise you to figure out the “cause” of the problem if you want to eliminate your self-limiting beliefs. I have a different perspective: while analyzing your life history may be beneficial for some people, most can change their course of negative thinking if they first recognize the problem and then focus on the solution.

Are Self-Limiting Statements Excuses or Lies?

Many of these self-limiting statements are simply excuses. For example, if someone says “I could never get in front of a group of people and give a presentation.” Unless they literally can’t speak, they are lying to themselves by saying they can’t do it. Nothing good comes from making such a statement.

Don’t allow yourself to say you can’t do things that are actually feasible. You’re better off admitting you DON’T WANT to do something rather than saying you can’t do it. The more you make those types of false statements, the more you will believe them. This is very important. Don’t allow yourself to think or say you can’t do something you are perfectly capable of doing.

They Really Are Limiting Beliefs

Unfortunately, there are a lot of people who really feel they can’t do something that certainly is within their capabilities.

If you ever believe you can’t do something, then ask yourself, “If I were paid a million dollars to figure out a way to do it, could I do it?” If your answer is no, then ask yourself the following question: “If my family was taken hostage and going to be killed if I didn’t do it, could I figure out a way to do it?”

If you are honest with yourself and the answer is no to both of those questions, then you probably can’t do it. I don’t believe I can swim from Florida to Mexico. But if my family’s life were at risk, I would die trying.

From this day forward, don’t allow yourself to say “I can’t do something” unless it is something you really cannot do. Keep in mind that these types of statements limit your opportunities and prevent you from searching for solutions. Just remember the simple test question: “If I were paid a million dollars to do it, could I figure out a way to do it?”

Don’t Limit Your Success

Perhaps the most common of all limiting beliefs is the idea that you can’t reach a certain level of success. On a success scale of 1-10, you may think you can get to a 7 but not a 10. If someone has reached a 10, why can’t you? Really. Why can’t you?

Why put up barriers? God gave you a gift — the ability to be all that you can be and take advantage of all that life has to offer. Accept the gift. The sky’s the limit.

If you believe you can, you can. If you believe you can’t, you can’t. Both statements are accurate. Which one identifies you?

Carefully Select the People Who Influence Your Life

When I was a kid growing up, my mom gave me all sorts of advice. Today, I can still hear her saying “Todd, choose your friends carefully. Don’t get mixed up with the wrong group.” Mom knew that children are easily influenced by their peers and that if I ran with the wrong crowd, they’d have a negative influence on my life.

Mom’s lesson holds true for children, teens, college students, and adults. It is well documented that our fundamental beliefs and attitudes are greatly influenced by the people we allow into our lives. If we associate with people who gossip, we are likely to gossip. If we are around people who swear and use inappropriate language, we’re likely to exhibit the same behavior.

Dr. David McClelland of Harvard University concluded after 25 years of research that the choice of a negative “reference group” was in itself enough to condemn a person to failure and underachievement in life.

Your associations are some of the most powerful factors in determining who you become and what you accomplish in your life. As an example, if we hang out with pessimistic people who are critical of us, their negative comments will likely impact how we view our abilities and our self-image.

My mentor, Jim Rohn, said, “You will become the combined average of the five people you hang around the most. You will have their combined attitude, health, and income.”

When I first heard this statement 20 years ago, I questioned whether it was true. Now, today, I know it is undeniably accurate.

Recognizing this truth, how do we use it to our advantage? It’s simple. If we want to advance our lives personally and professionally, we must associate ourselves with people who will be a positive influence on our lives.

Do you play sports? If so, do you notice how you play better when you play with better players?

Do you play board or card games? Again, do you notice how you step up your game when you play with better competitors?

When we associate with others who have a greater skill set or have achieved more, we are challenged. It brings out the best in us and inspires us to do better. Observing and modeling someone’s positive example will help us reach new heights. We’re not just talking sports and games here. This applies to everything we do.

Surrounding ourselves with optimistic and uplifting people has a direct cause and effect on our demeanor, confidence level, and performance. It’s all positive!

The legendary Zig Ziglar said it best: “If you want to fly with the eagles, you can’t continue to scratch with the turkeys.”

I encourage you to take ten minutes right now and think about the people who you spend a lot of time at home, in the workplace, and socially. Who are they? Who are the positive influences? Who are the negative ones?

Oh, and don’t think you can prevent the negative ones from influencing you. They influence you whether you are consciously aware of it or not. EVERYONE in your life influences you in some capacity.

If you’ve characterized some of your friends as a negative influence, let me encourage you to begin to slowly reduce the amount of time you spend in those relationships.

If your family members say negative and discouraging things to you, have a conversation with them. Help them understand how their statements are damaging and ask them to focus on encouraging you rather than tearing you down.

If you work in an environment that is not healthy, read my post How to Get Any Job You Want and find a new place to work. Life is too short to work in a negative environment.

I realize these suggestions may represent radical changes in your life. They may not be easy to accomplish all at once, but if enjoying your life and achieving your personal best is a priority, surrounding yourself with people who can help you reach your full potential is a necessity.

“Show me your friends and I will tell you who you are.” – Author Unknown

70 of the Dumbest Things You Should Never Say or Ask

On a recent Little Things Matter Facebook post, I listed four questions you should never ask someone and encouraged readers to have some fun by adding theirs to my list. Well, fun we had. One hundred and twenty-eight comments later, I was laughing so hard that I had tears in my eyes. Here are the top 70 things you should never say or ask. Hope they bring a smile to your face.

THINGS YOU NEVER SAY TO OR ASK A WOMAN:

1. Asking an overweight woman “When are you due?”

2. When are you going to have that baby?  Seems like you’ve been pregnant forever (as she turns around with a baby in her arms!).

3. Are those real? – diamonds, hair color, nails, and whatever else comes to your mind.

4. How old are you?

5. Honey, is that what you’re wearing tonight?

6. Do you know that outfit makes you look fat?

7. Which ex-husband?

8. Asking an older woman with a younger man, “Is that your son?”

9. Have you had cosmetic surgery?

10. You look tired.

11. How much do you weigh?

12. Are you mad at me?

13. If the woman is with an older guy, “Is that your dad?”

14. You’re really not going to eat all of that, are you?

15, Did you look in the mirror before you left the house?

16. What did I do wrong?

17. How much longer before you’re ready?

18. Hey lady, that’s a big foot; what’s your shoe size?

19. Are you wearing makeup?

20. I thought you were a blond/brunette/redhead.

21. Have you put on some weight since I saw you last?

22. You are starting to get some facial hair.

THINGS YOU NEVER SAY TO OR ASK A MAN:

23. Asking a guy with a younger woman, “Is she your daughter?”

24. Asking a guy with an older woman, “Is that your mom?”

25. Which ex-wife?

26. What should I wear tonight?

27. Does this dress make my rear end look fat?

28. Do you really love me?

29. If you love me, prove it!

30. Are you a jerk to everyone you meet or just me?

31. What are you thinking?

32. To a bald guy, “What happened to your hair?”

33. Have you had a hair transplant?

THINGS YOU NEVER ASK A CHILD:

34. When are you going to grow up?

35. Are you a boy or a man?

36. Why do you act that way?

THINGS YOU NEVER SAY TO OR ASK A FRIEND:

37. How’s your sex life?

38. Have you put on weight?

39. Who are you and what have you done with my friend?

40. Did you pay to have your hair done that way?

41. What does the doctor say about that?

42. How much money do you make?

43. Do you think my husband’s sexy?

44. Wow, are you sure you want that dessert?

45. How many times have you been married?

46. Are you going to eat all that?

47. Why didn’t you invite ME?

48. Is that real or a knock-off?

49. Where did you learn to speak English? (turns out the person was born in the US)

OTHER DUMB THINGS YOU SHOULD NEVER SAY OR ASK:

50. What’s your sign?

51. When are you going to have kids?

52. When are you going to get married?

53. Why are you still single?

54. To a male nurse, when are you going to become a doctor?

55. To someone who stutters, “Just spit it out.”

56. To a patient in the emergency room, “Hey, how’s it going?”

57. When you eat something and say it’s awful and then ask, “Do you want a bite?”

58. How much did that cost you?

59. If someone tells you they are on a diet, “Does it work?”

60. Is your child a boy or a girl?

61. Is this your grandchild?

62. Why do you always do that?

63. Asking “What happened?” when learning of someone’s death. Instead, just say “Sorry!”

64. Will you be using your senior discount?

65. What’s your credit rating?

66. What religion are you?

67. Did you pray about that?

68. Asking “What’s happened?” when learning about a tragic event in someone’s life.

69. If you meet a Korean or Japanese person, “Are you Chinese?”

70. If someone has a skin condition or a facial deformity, “Is there a treatment for that?”

Pretty funny stuff, huh? And yet there’s a serious lesson in all of this. My biggest takeaway from all these comments is that words have power. They can inspire, heal, or make us laugh or they can make us cry, harm or destroy. If you think before you speak, you’ll have a much greater chance of building and sustaining relationships.

From this day forward, let me encourage you to think about the words that come out of your mouth and how they may make others feel.

Parents, let me encourage you to discuss some of the examples in this post with your children. As you know, this is not taught in school.

“Wise men talk because they have something to say; fools, because they have to say something.” – Plato

How to Move Up the Pay Scale

Formal education will get you a job, but then it’s up to you to master the little things that separate those at the top of the pay scale from those at the bottom.

While there may be an occasional exception, those at the top of the pay scale in every occupation bring the most value to the market for what they do.

Today’s lesson focuses on how you can move up the pay scale in your chosen profession. It is built on the foundation that your income is equivalent to the value you bring to the market.  If you want to increase your income, you must first increase your value.

Study Those at the Top

To learn how to reach the top in any discipline or job, the smartest thing you can do is study the attributes of those who came before you. What distinguishes them from everyone else? What skills have they mastered? How have they been able to achieve success?

At age 23 when I started my real estate career, I flew to Denver to meet with the nation’s top-selling Realtor.  He was so impressed with my desire to learn that he spent an entire day giving me advice.  I returned home and implemented the lessons he taught me. In my first year selling real estate, I earned over $250,000 and went on to become one of the country’s top-selling Realtors.

When I was asked to coach my son’s Little League team, I hired two former professional baseball players to coach me. Even though I had played Little League baseball and watched baseball on TV for years, I wanted to learn proper fielding and hitting fundamentals. I learned all I could, and with the help of another parent (Ron Thomson), we coached our team to a 20-0 record, winning by an average of 17 runs a game.

I applied the same strategy to developing Little Things Matter. I studied the top 10 bloggers on the internet and sought counsel from those who had expertise in this area. I examined all the little things that distinguish the top bloggers from all the rest and launched the blog in January 2010. In my third full month, Little Things Matter exceeded 20,000 visitors.

Here’s the bottom line: you don’t have to reinvent the wheel to be successful; you simply need to learn the activities and model the traits of others who have achieved similar goals. So if you want to advance up the pay scale in your chosen profession, you must learn from those at the top.

Make Your List

As you begin to study the people at the top of the pay scale in your profession, make a list of EVERY little thing they have done and are currently doing that has enabled them to become successful.

Here is the key: your goal is to make a list of 100 little things.  Don’t roll your eyes at this number.  If you want to be the best, then make a list of 100 little things.

When you stretch your mind to make a list of 100 things, you will observe things you would not otherwise notice. You will start to see the little things that really matter.  I can assure you they did not get to the top by doing 5, 10, or 21 things right.  You need to identify as many things as you can.

As you make this list, don’t just study one person. Study and learn from as many as you can.  It will soon become obvious what you need to do and who you must become in order to become a top performer in your field.

Here’s a Secret

Most of the people at the top of the pay scale are the very people who would love to help you.  Every person I have ever sought for advice and counsel found it fulfilling to pass on their wisdom and knowledge. And now this is one of my greatest joys.

I will bet you $100 that if you called the top three people in your profession, complimented them on their success, and asked for 30 minutes of their time to help you be the best at what you do, they will find the time to help you.  And so what if I am wrong and only two people agree to do so? Then learn from those two.

To do what I have described will require you to get outside your comfort zone. As I shared in The Uncomfortable Path to Success, you just can’t grow without feeling uncomfortable.  You can’t increase your income if you don’t FIRST increase your value, and your value won’t increase if you remain in your comfort zone.

Now you know the formula for achieving greater success in your selected career.  What will you do with this information?  Will you challenge yourself to step up your game and make the list of 100 little things you can do to reach the top of the pay scale? Or will you say “I know what I need to do,” blow off this lesson, and continue doing what you’ve always done?

The difference between those at the top of the pay scale and those below them is that those at the top do the little things the others aren’t willing to do.  Who are you?

How to Get Any Job You Want

One of my core beliefs is that you can achieve anything that is important to you if you will focus on the little things that matter. So if getting a new job is important to you, simply look for the little things that will help you land that job.

I must admit that I am turned off when people complain about not having a job but don’t do the things required to get one. I feel the same way when people whine about their current job but don’t take the necessary steps to get a better one.

This is America! And although the economy has presented significant challenges, I am convinced that you can get whatever job you want if you are willing to push yourself outside your comfort zone and do some basic things that other job applicants are unwilling to do.

If you are in the market for a new job, here are my recommendations:

1.  Determine Your Greatest Value—Assuming you want the highest-paying job for your skill set, make a list of your most valuable talents and abilities. Then rank them based on their value to the market. As an example, if you are an administrative assistant, your skills may range from answering the phone to creating business plans.

In this example, your value could range from $15 an hour on the low end of your skill set to $75 an hour on the high end. Your job search should then be focused on maximizing your greatest value, which is in writing business plans.

2.  Identify Potential Positions—Your next step is to consider positions that allow you to capitalize on your talents. Using the same example, identify the types of companies and positions within those companies where your primary responsibility would be writing business plans.

3.  Create a Targeted Resume—Once the type of position is identified, create a custom resume that highlights the specific skill set. Make sure to mention it in the job objective and previous experience section as well as the cover letter.

Make sure your resume presents you in a manner consistent with the wage you are seeking. If you were applying for a $75-an-hour job, then your resume should present you as someone worthy of earning $75 an hour.

4.  Identify Potential Employers—Make a list of the employers who offer the type of position you are seeking. You may have to confine yourself to a specific geographic region, although many employers allow and often encourage you to work from home. You may even want to consider buying a list of companies that meet your criteria from a list broker.

5.  Pick Up the Phone—Here is where we separate the winners from the complainers. This is the biggest takeaway from today’s lesson: If you want to land the ideal job, then you must push yourself outside your comfort zone and call your prospective employers.

The complainers are those who sit at home and look for job postings and allow themselves to compete with 100 other people for the same position. The winners do online research about potential employers and then pick up the phone to make initial contact.

My friends in human resources tell me that VERY few people proactively call them, and if someone takes the time to do so, they are impressed!

When you do the things that impress others, you have the advantage. It’s that simple.

6.  Follow Up—Assuming the company you call is not currently hiring for your position, you should still forward your resume with a cover letter. Then follow up every few weeks. This will ensure that your name and resume will remain at the “top of the pile” when a job opportunity materializes.

You should also send a handwritten thank-you note thanking the person you spoke with for their time and consideration.

Here’s the bottom line: You can get any job that is important to you if you will be creative and do the little things to stand out from the crowd.

The difference between those who succeed in achieving their goals and those who fall short is the diligent accomplishment of the things others aren’t willing to do.

If you’re looking for a new job, do you have the courage to pick up the phone and call prospective employers until such time as you land the job you want? Are you willing to get uncomfortable for a few weeks to get the job that allows you to maximize your gifts and abilities?

If your answer is yes, then I challenge you to do three things. First, read my related posts below. Second, think outside the box. Be creative and make a list of the little things you can do to get the edge. And third, implement the tips I have provided in this lesson.

You can achieve any goal in life that is important to you if you will focus on the little things that matter.

People Are as Different as They Look

Picture yourself in some sort of group setting, perhaps around the board meeting conference table, in your living room with fellow charity event committee members, or in your office with your co-workers diligently meeting a project deadline. No doubt issues will arise and problems will need to get solved. My guess is the way you perceive a certain situation may be entirely different than someone else’s perception.

People are Different

The reality is that we are all different. We come from different backgrounds, religions, and nationalities. We have different life experiences, education, political leanings, personality type, and family upbringing. These differences shape our perceptions, and because no two people have the same experiences, we end up viewing the world differently.

Here’s an analogy to help you understand the concept. Do two people ever see the same rainbow? Answer: no. As the eyes of two people cannot occupy the same place in space at the same time, each person sees a different rainbow. The raindrops are constantly in motion so its appearance is always changing. Each time you see a rainbow, it is unique in its own magnificent way.

Embrace Our Differences

Just like the rainbow, each person is unique. And although our experiences will color our opinions of people different than ourselves, we should embrace those differences. Why?

• It will open your mind to other ideas so you can learn and grow. Have you ever heard someone say “No way can that work” or “You’re wrong to think that way”? Statements like these work as blinders and prevent you from learning. It’s so important to not dismiss an idea just because it originated from someone who had a different point of view. In reality, the ability to think differently can spark creativity and innovation. There’s just no way you can improve yourself or grow your business if you only value your own ideas.

• You can disagree without offending. One person sees the world in one manner and you see it in another. Just because the other person’s view is different doesn’t mean it’s wrong; it’s just different. So agree to respectfully disagree.

• It will cause you to be less critical of others. For most of us, criticism hurts. It’s judgmental and often stems from the fact that a person thinks that all things in life should be “their way” or no way at all. If you acknowledge and learn to appreciate people’s differences, you’ll provide constructive feedback as opposed to offensive criticism.

• You will become a more effective communicator. In the words of Tony Robbins, “To effectively communicate we must realize we are all different in the way we perceive the world and use this understanding as a guide to our communication with others.”

Allowing for other people’s perspectives will enhance your listening skills, demonstrate your sincere interest in the other person, and increase your comprehension. All of these skills are required to build long and meaningful relationships.

Recommendations

I’d like to think that after reading this lesson, you would not only intellectually accept the idea that we are all different but also incorporate the premise into your daily interactions. Enrich your life by expanding your mind, valuing other people’s opinions, and learning new ideas. Above all, appreciate the beauty of our differences.

Remember: (1) Perception is reality, but everyone’s perception is different. (2) What may be logical to you may not be logical to others. (3) What may be important to you may not be important to others. (4) Don’t discount the opinions of others because they may be better than yours.

36 Ways to Make a Positive Impression in Less Than 10 Seconds

There are literally hundreds, if not thousands, of little things we can do to raise the bar in our professional and personal lives. So many of these things are easy to do and can be accomplished in less than 10 seconds. They just require an intentional effort.

What is CRITICAL to understand is that your ultimate success, fulfillment, and happiness will come from doing the little things that matter.

As entrepreneur and best-selling author Harvey Mackay said, “Little things don’t mean a lot. They mean everything.”

Here is a short list of 36 things you can do in less than 10 seconds that will make you a better person, enhance your self-image, and improve the quality of your life:

1.  Make it a point to say the words ”I love you” to the people in your home every single day.
2.  Offer a friendly, authentic smile- a great smile radiates warmth, puts people at ease, and makes you likable.
3.  Make comfortable eye contact- your eyes send messages; establishing and maintaining eye contact with people demonstrates confidence, respect, and genuine interest.
4.  Use someone’s name – everyone likes to hear and see his or her name.
5.  Acknowledge people- smile and say hi to the people around you.
6.  Express your appreciation- say “thank you” to everyone who does something for you even if they are paid to do it.
7.  Be unselfish and put others first- it could be as simple as holding the door open for someone.
8.  Offer a word of encouragement- sometimes this is all a person needs to build confidence and take the next big step. This is big!
9.  Accept responsibility when you are wrong- it’s the sign of a person with character.
10.  Be friendly- it lifts the attitude of others and is the #1 factor in being likable.
11.  Maintain a positive mental attitude- your attitude is a choice, and that choice is 100% within your control.
12.  Be kind and considerate- to people you know as well as strangers.
13.  Be like a dog and be the first to greet people- it helps new people entering the room feel more comfortable and demonstrates your interest in them.
14.  Offer people you meet a warm greeting- this will set the tone for the entire encounter.
15.  Say please- make it a habit to use the word “please” EVERY TIME you ask someone to do something for you, even if they are paid to do it.
16.  Get up and walk into the other room to speak to someone, rather than yelling.
17.  Put the toilet seat down.
18.  Turn your head and cover your mouth when you sneeze or cough.
19.  Improve your body posture- poor posture is an indication of low self-esteem.
20.  Say goodbye- make a good last impression.
21.  Offer a proper handshake- a good, firm handshake demonstrates confidence and makes a good impression.
22.  Give someone a hug- a hug is a sign that you really care for the other person.
23.  Proof your email, text, or post- this is an important component of portraying a professional online brand.
24.  Click the “like” button on someone’s Facebook post- it’s an easy way to demonstrate interest.
25.  Turn off your phone in meetings- even though your phone may not make sounds, your eyes and attention will be diverted from the other people in attendance, and your lack of attention demonstrates disrespect.
26.  Repeat your phone number twice when leaving a voicemail- speaking slowly and repeating your phone number will make you stand out.
27.  When scheduling appointments, use the other person’s time zone- this avoids misunderstandings or missed opportunities.
28.  Speak with life and energy in your voice- no one likes to be around people who are “dead, dull, and lifeless.”
29.  Walk with a bounce in your step- it’s evidence of an energetic attitude that ultimately leads to success.
30.  Turn off the notifications that are bugging those around you.
31.  Write things down- it prevents you from forgetting things that are important.
32.  Say something positive to others about another person- reverse gossip.
33.  Congratulate your opponent- good sportsmanship is evidence of leadership.
34.  Introduce yourself- be proactive and introduce yourself to people whom you have never met.
35.  Look for the good in others and tell them what you see- you have the ability to bring out the best in people, especially when they may not know it themselves.
36.  Hold in that fart- the pain will go away in less than 10 seconds.

As you can see, each of these tips is easy to do. They don’t require any formal education or financial investment. We can begin to incorporate them into our lives this very minute. All we need is to be conscious of them and be willing to take 10 seconds to do them.

Let me encourage you to print out this list and put an asterisk beside the ones you are committed to working on. Track your results and see how you do.

This is just a small sampling of the things we can do in less than 10 seconds to make a positive impression on others. What are some other simple things we can do in less than 10 seconds? I look forward to reading them in the comments section below this post.