Awareness is the starting point of change. The fact that you are aware of this challenge is the key to correcting it. Because you have been doing it for so long, it will take time, so give yourself some grace.

My advice is to:

(1) Continue to think before you speak. If you don't have something positive to say, don't say anything.

(2) Change the way you view people. Look at them as people you love and care for. Focus on saying things that are positive, uplifting and encouraging.

(3) Read books and fill your head with positive information. If you change how you are are and change how you view people, it will change what comes out of your mouth.

(4) I would encourage you to read my book and/or listen to it on audio. I believe the lessons contained in my book would be of great benefit to you.

I wish you the best!

Todd

Maybe you can help steer me in the right direction, possibly a book or therapist. If I could change one thing about myself, this would be it. I lost a close friend because of it.

This is totally a shot in the dark and I'm not even sure it's curable. But you seem like you have a hold on this topic so here I go…

I have a similar problem. Almost all of my life. I stay things “unknowingly” that it will hurt someone or it will come off as an 'asshole remark' or insensitive etc etc etc.. Then right after, it's too late. But I never had ANY intentions off deliberately hurting someone. Many times I'm uncomfortable and do not have the correct words to say. Naturally I speak my mind and it's a sin for me. Been doing this for years. Probably 20+ years. I'm 38 now. It's absolutely terrible for relationships. Especially your wife or girlfriend, when their family comes to visit. I don't like to wait to say something that I am concerned about, because if I wait, then I will forget to tell them later. Blame that on the ADHD. My girlfriend says most of the time it's not “what I say, it's how I say it”. I'm getting better with it now, but I need help. Sometimes I try really really REALLY hard to say something so it does not offend someone, and most of the time I fail or can never find the right words. I am the most approachable, most talkative, caring great guy to be around. But then comes this imperfection. You are right about the Ego, that part is sooo true and it's good for nothing. They say you need to learn to be confirmable with yourself and relax. I'm not sure. I've never asked for help about this and I've been on the internet for 13 years.

I have been confronted with this from girlfriends over the years (I'm in a steady 3 year relationship now). I've even had one girlfriend say she was worried about having me around her family because I might say something this way, or that way. When I hear things like this I just want to die!

Saying something you “meant to say” at-the-time, and “regretting it later” is different then being totally oblivious to how you might “come off” to others when you talk. I have never herd of anyone with this problem. Most people I know do so well and always speak perfect and use perfect tone. Awkward silence bothers me so I always feel like I need to stay something to be funny or to “help”. Because I really do care so much. But it always makes things even more awkward and worse all the time. I'm a MAJOR people pleaser and want everyone to be fine all the time. It back fires on me.

Over the years I have been invited to speak at seminars, classes and numerous audio interviews. I have only did one audio interview and it was OK but the WHOLE time I was watching every word I said so it sucked. Generally I avoid getting personal with people at all costs, because I might say “the wrong thing”.

And If I DON'T talk, then someone thinks I'm upset about somthing. I can't win! So what is the deal?

I hope you've been enjoying your summer! I know I've gotten a little behind with reading and responding to your Blog posts, but I'm slowly catching up! When you work from home everything sure changes when there are kids in the house, but it's nice to have a break and spend the quality time with them before they're all back in school again.

Reading this post has made me aware that I have been making an effort to “Think Before I Speak”. I've learned the two second rule from you and find that it has helped me to show others that I truly am listening to them. If I do say things that I later regret, I make sure to address it and apologize by letting them know I'm sorry. It's also nice to see that my children will now come to me to apologize for something that they've regretted saying. As for my husband, I'm still working on him!

Thanks for the great lesson Todd!

Dana

I hope you've been enjoying your summer! I know I've gotten a little behind with reading and responding to your Blog posts, but I'm slowly catching up! When you work from home everything sure changes when there are kids in the house, but it's nice to have a break and spend the quality time with them before they're all back in school again.

Reading this post has made me aware that I have been making an effort to “Think Before I Speak”. I've learned the two second rule from you and find that it has helped me to show others that I truly am listening to them. If I do say things that I later regret, I make sure to address it and apologize by letting them know I'm sorry. It's also nice to see that my children will now come to me to apologize for something that they've regretted saying. As for my husband, I'm still working on him!

Thanks for the great lesson Todd!

Dana

Thanks for taking your time to leave your comment.

Todd