What Are You Doing That Bugs People?

Posted on August 10th, 2010 by Todd Smith - View Comments |Click here to print

What is the number one thing people do that bugs you? Think about it for a moment.  Do you have something in mind?

How do you feel about people who do that?  Do you want to shake your head in disgust?  Do you want to roll your eyes?  Do you want to bite your tongue as you resist saying something? Do you want to blow your horn? How does this affect your impression of them?

Recently, I posed a question on the Little Things Matter Facebook page asking people to comment on what types of things other people do that bug them. More people responded to this post than any other question posed since starting this page. I hit a nerve.

Not surprisingly, people who lie, are intentionally deceitful, or flaunt arrogance were hot buttons for many who commented. The most common theme that emerged had to with inconsiderate people. Some of the inconsiderate things listed included people who:

  • Don’t use their turn signals
  • Drive too close to the car in front of them
  • Flick their cigarette butts out the window
  • Don’t hold the door open
  • Don’t respond to emails, texts, and calls
  • Interrupt while someone is talking
  • Scan their phone or computer for messages during a conversation
  • Leave their shopping cart in the parking lot rather than returning it
  • Are late for calls and appointments
  • Eat or chew gum with their mouth open

The number and nature of these responses prompted today’s lesson that deals with what happens when we encounter someone who does the very thing that bugs us.

Even more importantly, what happens when we’re the ones who are bugging people? How does it affect their view of us?

Why You Should Care

In the context of personal and professional development, you need to know one of the worst things you can do is something that annoys or bugs another person.

Upon reading this, you may feel one of two ways,

  • Why should I care if I’m bugging anybody? I can’t please everybody!
  • What do I do that bugs people and how does this affect their view of me?

You might have guessed by now that I believe you should care. Here’s why:

  • When you have a habit that bothers other people and do nothing about it, you brand yourself as someone who is inconsiderate. Do inconsiderate people win friends, influence people, or get promotions?
  • Most people don’t even realize that what they’re doing may be bugging others. Quite plainly, this creates a big ugly pimple on their reputation!
  • Finally, a carefree attitude of “It’s a free country. So what if you don’t like it?” will cause you to end up unloved, unappreciated, unpopular, and unhappy. Remember, it’s a small world.

Are You Ready to Learn About Yourself?

The first step toward ridding yourself of habits that others may find distasteful or offensive and preserving your reputation is to learn what you may be doing that bugs other people. The easiest way to do this is to simply ask. It may be awkward or even slightly embarrassing, but it won’t kill you.

Start with your spouse, your children, or another family member. Ask them for their honesty. And when they do offer to tell you, don’t get defensive. When you’re ready, ask a trusted colleague, supervisor, or someone who reports to you. It takes courage, but I guarantee they’ll respect you for asking, especially when they see you making an effort to change.

If you just can’t bring yourself to ask anyone outright, here are ways to figure it out yourself.

  • Make a conscious effort to watch how others are viewing your actions and reactions.
  • Notice when others seem to be turned off by something you say or do.
  • Take time to think about what you can start doing to be more considerate of others.

Today, rather than post what bugs you, I’m asking you to leave a comment about a habit of yours that you want to seriously eliminate. Simple answer this question.

If I asked my spouse, boss, co-worker, or closest friend the one thing I did that really bugs them, they would probably say _____________.

About the Author: Todd Smith is a successful entrepreneur of 30 years and founder of Little Things Matter. To receive Todd’s daily lessons, subscribe here. All Todd’s lessons are also available on iTunes as downloadable podcasts. (Todd’s podcasts are ranked #27 in America’s top 100 podcasts and #1 in the personal and development field.)

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  • Rosie Collin
    Congratulations! You have helped me personally and professionally. Just last week I shared your blog on soft skills to the Mayor of my City. Keep up the inspiration and authenticity of your posts and most of all many, many heartfelt thanks and best wishes!
  • Hi Rosie,

    Thanks so much your message and endorsement of my blog.

    I hope to meet you one day!

    Todd
  • Janelle Helling
    ... that I bring up topics people don't want to talk about. I play the devil's advocate, apply neurolinguistics and target fallacious arguments with researched facts. People tend to not like that.
  • Hi Janelle,

    I think this would be especially true when spending time with people socially. When I am spending time with people socially, I am looking to have fun, relax and enjoy myself. For this reason, I will always choose to be around positive, easy going people who don't make my head hurt. :-)

    While I still do things that bug others, I am getting better with every passing day.

    Now that you know what bugs others, you can fix it! :-)

    Take care,

    Todd
  • "Do inconsiderate people win friends, influence people, or get promotions?"

    The answer is yes. Some of the most successful people I know are highly inconsiderate and got that way by stomping on other peoples heads. Whether they are happy is another issue, but it seems to be a recipe for success. Another recipe for success is being a good decent person.

    As far as being considerate, there are limits and it's contextual. I err on the side of "it's a free country" and there are countries in this world where even decent American behaviour would be considered inconsiderate. It's all relative. All the items you list I agree form a good basis for what inconsiderate is, but the world is also very politically correct and adhering to the average societal demands I think lead to a boring lifestyle. So I think some pushing of the envelope is necessary. The difference between "pushing the envelope" and "being rude" is dependent on context, and luck.

  • Ram,

    Thanks for sharing your perspective on being inconsiderate. While there may be some inconsiderate people who stepped on others on their way to the top, I can assure you they are not respected by others. When you step on others to get to the top, you will live a lonely life.

    I can also tell you, they won't remain at the top for long, at least not if they live in the U.S. When the people have had enough of their antics, they will find themselves unemployed, unwanted and unloved.

    Being inconsiderate is not a society demand, at least not in the U.S. There is never a time when being inconsiderate and disrespectful is acceptable.

    This is one area in life where I've learned you don't push the envelope.

    Todd
  • Todd, I wish you were right but I'm talking about periods of success lasting 30+ years (and this is definitely in the US). I do agree that such people tend to lead lonely lives and ultimately will die alone. But the phenomenon I've observed is the loudest/rudest "squeaky wheels" grab the attention/resources and some manage to convert it into career success. We even see this in our current political dialogue.

    I'm saying also there's a fine line between what one person might call "considerate" and what another might call "pushing the envelope". It's also a very American thing, the whole "I might be offended by what you say but I'll defend your right to say it". The NY Islamic Center argument is exactly about that, about who to be considerate towards. A lot of the initial civil right disobediences would've been termed inconsiderate but here we are.

    Thanks for exchanging views with me.
  • Hi Ram- I understand there will always be isolated cases as you described, it's just not the formula to success I would teach to others or want to use in my life. I also feel this style of leadership is on it's way out. I enjoyed your dialog. Have a great day! Todd
  • DavidCookPottery
    Could we figure out a way to have everyone read this each morning? Some will never read it or hear it. They are too busy with their own little worlds to care about others. Sad, but true. May I never be the kind of person that is inconsiderate and unkind, but thoughtful, considerate, caring, and treating others the way I would like to be treated in return. Amen.

    Dr. David A. Cook
    Salisbury, NC
  • David- It is sad to think about the growing number of people who could care less. They wonder why their life is a mess. Have a great weekend. Todd
  • Queenie
    Wow Todd, this is soul searching..here goes.
    I have a very strong personality, I think I am always right, I talk too much. I am working on the 2 second rule and I read your posts every day so I'm happy I'm working on improving myself. Looking forward to your response.
  • Hi Queenie- It's great to see you back. Awareness is creates a choice point. Just keeping doing what you know you should do. You are headed in the right direction. Thanks for being a loyal follower of my blog. Todd
  • Angie
    People bug me when they do not do what they say they are going to do especially when it is a team project.

    Angie
  • Hi Angie- That bugs me too. Personal responsibility is so important. Thanks! Todd
  • Barbara
    Interrupting before the other person is finished speaking. I know I do it, but at the time it just happens...yes, I will work on that!
  • Hi Barbara- Thanks for your comment. Your response is the number one response from people. It's a hard habit to break, but awareness is the starting point of any change. I wish you the best. Todd
  • Roxanna Jones
    I don't know where to start! I think if I could name one thing that I do that bugs people, it would probably be that I'm forgetful. This message was really helpful.
  • Hi Roxanna- I appreciate you taking your time to comment. Let me encourage you to read two of my posts. The first is, "How to Keep from forgetting things." The second is "My top time management tip." Both of these lessons highlight the things I do to keep from forgetting things. I believe they will help you. Have a great day! Todd
  • Donna
    That I overthink things. I am too analytical and I am always trying to figure out people's motivations. I think my family finds it annoying that I don't let more things just "roll off" my back.
  • Hi Donna- I don't think there is any problem trying to figure out people's motivations. I do the same. I think the key is not verbalizing your thoughts to those who are annoyed by it Thanks for sharing! Todd
  • All admit it - it bugs my finance when I ask him a question twice - I should be more patient. And I'll admin another one - I interrupt people. There I said it. Thank you for the reminder.

  • Morning Katie- Thanks for sharing what it is you do that bugs your finance. The #1 thing that people seem to do that bugs people is interrupting them. It is something we all need to work on. Have a great day! Todd
  • Dan Ruiz
    ...they would probably say that I'm too curt and I don't make enough of an emotional connection with the people around me. I don't think it's because I don't care about others; I'm usually just feeling too busy to sit around and chat. Maybe that's the definition of a self-centered person :-\

    I'm making an effort to slow down, listen more, and talk less.

    Dan Ruiz
  • Hi Dan- This has also been a weakness of mine, especially when I am busy. Thanks for sharing! Todd
  • My perception is that emotional people feel uncomfortable around me; they may feel like they are in front of a machine because I am the rational type and I do not do too well around the impulsive/emotinal type. I think it is important to make a distinction that there are 4 basic personality types and it is impossible to be comfy around everyone and it is unwise & unnatural to force it or deny it as well.
    I consciously look for the compatible type and avoid the rambling, careless, wordy crowd. Be like water, flow with it. Everyone needs to improve and learn from others. Self improvement never ends.
  • HI Ernesto- Thanks for sharing. It appears I gave you something to think about. If you smile, listen and relax, you can connect with most people, even those who are different than you. Let me encourage you to focus on connecting with people you normally don't connect with. It will be a fun project. It's one I have worked on myself. Todd
  • STAMPHEARTS
    I would have to say that interrupting is something I need to still work on. Especially when my husband & I are talking, I sometimes finish his thought... and usually I am wrong. It bugs me that I do this as it's disrespectful, too.

    I didn't realize how utterly annoying this was until I met someone recently who did this to everyone. I found I could never see myself as being a friend with this person because I could never finish what I wanted to say - the conversation always turned around and was somehow always about this person!
  • Hi Stamp Hearts- It is amazing how what we learn when we observe people doing things that turn people off. It definitely makes us think about not doing the same thing. I have learned a great deal in my life by watching others and learning from the things they do well and from the things they do that turn others off. Not interrupting is the #1 response people have provided to this question. Thanks for sharing! Todd
  • Sheryl
    I am too self-centered.
  • Hi Sheryl- Thanks for accepting my challenge and thinking about my question and answering it here. I wish you the best as you work on being less self-centered. Have a great day. Todd
  • Amockler
    If each person in our "small world" would adhere to your advice, what a peaceful world it would be "IN ALL ASPECTS"!
  • Hi Amockler- I appreciate you kind words. Todd
  • kevin
    They would say I need to stop interrupting them when they talk.
  • Hi Kevin- I am smiling as I work my way down all the comments. Your comment is the #1 thing people have said in responding to my question. Remember the two second rule both on the phone and when talking to people in person. Wait two seconds after someone finishes talking before responding. It's hard, but it makes a powerful impression. I wish you the best. Todd
  • CC
    They would say off the top, turn off that Blackberry when I'm talking to you.
  • CC- I appreciate your comment! That's an easy fix! :-)
  • Hello Todd,
    If I asked my spouse, boss, co-worker, or closest friend the one thing I did that really bugs them, they would probably say how loud I am. I joke and say; "My mother never raised a quite child" - K.J. Kilroy Was Here!

    The truth is that I have audio damaged hearing from too many years of close up rock concerts. My trouble lies in modulating my own voice mixed with surrounding surface noise. The big fix my audiologist suggests involves some noticeable electronic devices.

    The point here is the best way to learn about your weaknesses is from the people you communicate with. Get out of your comfort zone and seek the truth by asking the hard questions. The choice of doing something about it is always up to you.

    "Thinking BIG is the best way to travel in a small world." - K.J. Kilroy Was Here!

    Wanting Truth Or Consequences,
    Kevin J. Kilroy
  • Hi Kevin- You are so right. If people would have the courage to ask others, they might learn something they don't know. When I asked my wife this question, the answer she gave me was not even something I had considered. I did have a long list of things that I thought bugged her and I am sure they do. I am now working on my list and hers. :-)

    I too listened to loud rock and roll music. Perhaps I need to come to Vegas so we can go to a concert together. :-)

    Have a great day!

    Todd
  • Hi Todd,
    Next time you are in Las Vegas let me know. I'll find some rocking options for us.

    Between A Rock & A Hard Rock Place,
    Kevin J. Kilroy
  • Kevin- There is no way I will come to Vegas again without hooking up with you. It will be fun! Todd
  • Mamamarlies
    They would probably say that I have to act more and think or talk less AND they would say I have to stop interrupting people. Thanks for the insight!
  • Hi Mama Marlies- Thanks for sharing! The challenge you outlined is the #1 response from people both on this page and Facebook. You're not alone. :-) Todd
  • Hi Mama Marlies- Thanks for being open and sharing your comment. Now you know what you need to work on. I wish you the best! Todd
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