Monthly Archives: March 2011

10 Life-guiding Decisions

There’s no denying the fact that our lives are a mirror image of the decisions we make. Sure, there may be a rare exception—such as a major health challenge— but in the big picture of life, we are where we are today based on the decisions we made yesterday.

The key to living a happy and fulfilling life is to make wise decisions; decisions about where you live and work; decisions in how you treat and interact with others; decisions about how you spend money and handle difficult situations. But perhaps the most important of all is where you are leading your life.

Where are you going? What do you want your life to look like five years from now? Ten years from now? Twenty years from now? Are you going adrift with the tides, or are you going to determine where you want to go, strap on a 200-horsepower motor, and start moving in that direction?

Like many people I know, I am trying to get clear on what I want to do with the rest of my life. I have achieved all my major goals thus far; so now I have to figure out where I want to go from here. As part of my soul-searching process, I have answered ten important questions I think everyone should ask themselves.

Regardless of your station in life, you will benefit from answering these questions. Perhaps they will confirm that you are on the right track. Or they may open your mind to opportunities you haven’t previously considered. They may reveal the missing link in your quest to find happiness and fulfillment in your life.

Finding clarity and direction for your life

1.  What is important to me today? Start by identifying what’s currently important to you. To find the answer, simply look at how you spend your time. This is evidence to you and everyone watching your life as to what appears important to you at this point in time.

2.  What should be important to me? Once you examine the activities that fill your days, you will begin to realize some activities contribute more positives to your life than others. For example, time spent watching TV or surfing the web compared to time invested in relationships, personal growth, or worthwhile projects. It’s time to do some soul-searching and make a list of the things that are truly important to you.

3.  What do I want my life to look like? When you look 5, 10, 20, or 30 years into the future, what do you want your life to look like? What do you want to be doing with your time? Where do you want to be living?

4.  What do I want my days to look like? What type of daily routines would you enjoy? From the time you get up to the time you go to bed, what do you want the typical day to look like?

5.  What would I enjoy the most? Let loose and make a list of everything that fills you up inside. What excites you? What energizes you? Where’s your passion? Keep writing until you are done.

6.  What are my greatest strengths? If your family and friends were asked to describe your most impressive attributes, what would they say? What do you do better than others? What distinguishes you? What makes you stand out from the crowd?

7.  In what areas do I have extensive knowledge? In what areas have you spent the most time? Where would you say you have more knowledge than most people?

8.  What’s the greatest value I offer to the market? Make a list of every skill, talent, and ability you have, then put a dollar value next to each one. Your goal is to identify where your personal services offer the highest value to the market.

9.  How much money do I want to make? If you are looking to make a major career decision, you must decide how much money you want to make. Based on where you find yourself today, how important is money to you and how much do you want to earn?

10.  What would my criteria be in selecting something new to do? Twenty-one years ago, I made a list of what I believed would be the perfect business for me. Then I went on a search, quickly ruling out businesses that didn’t meet my criteria. Finally, I found a business that met all 35 points on my criteria list. Making this list was one of the wisest things I have ever done.

As you process your answers to these questions, ask yourself one more question: What are my options? Make a list of every option available to you that aligns with your lists. After draining your brain of all possible options, review the pros and cons of each option. Consider seeking advice from people you respect. You might just discover an unchartered coastline that leads you to your dream destination.

Ben Stein said, “The indispensable first step to getting the things you want out of life is this: decide what you want.”

Have you recently gone through a major change in your life? What lessons did you learn that could help our readers? Do you have any questions that should be answered? Please share your insights in the comments section below this post.

To get crystal clear on what you want to do with your life, be willing to examine your current lifestyle, ask yourself soul-searching questions, take time to create lists of your choices and goals, and let your subconscious mind help form a plan. Then move forward to a more rewarding life.

15 Ways to Increase Your Value and Influence at Work

Put yourself in the position of the owner of your business or the leader of your organization. What qualities would you look for in the employee whom you would advance within your management structure? If you had to lay people off, what type of person would you release? What type would you keep?

Now put yourself in the position of the employee. How would your employer rate your services? The fact is, it’s the “little things” you do and don’t do that have a direct impact on your raises, promotions, and influence within an organization. The way you are viewed will not only impact your success at your current place of employment, but it will also affect the recommendations and references that follow you if you leave.

Here are 15 “little things” that will increase your value to your employer and make you stand out as a person who takes pride in your job.

Become an Employee of Influence

1.  Arrive early and stay late. Arriving promptly at your designated start time and then hurrying out the door the moment your workday ends tells management your job is not your priority. You’ll make a positive impression if you arrive early and don’t rush out the door at the end of the day.

2.  Skip occasional breaks. As a business owner, I was always impressed with employees who would work through their breaks when we had deadlines to meet. Their actions told me they realized the urgency and importance of completing the task and were willing to voluntarily forgo their break to get the work done.

3.  Take pride in how you dress and groom yourself. If you want to be taken seriously at work, start with your appearance. This applies to Fridays, too. If management is not dressing down on Fridays, follow their lead and remain in professional dress on Fridays.

4.  Leave your personal life at home. You may have a close work friend in whom you confide when you’re having personal difficulties, but don’t let the word spread about your personal problems. Also, avoid communicating with your family and friends during the times you are being paid to do your job.

5.  Be upbeat and friendly. For most of us, our workplace is our home away from home. As you go through your workday, make it a point to keep your energy levels high, acknowledge people, and be friendly. Be known as a person who always has a positive attitude. It will make for a better work environment for everyone.

6.  Cut the constant chit-chat and do your work. Maybe it’s just me, but I have a hard time with people who can’t keep their mouths shut when they should be focusing on their work. I have an even harder time when I am the one paying them.

7.  Avoid speaking poorly of your co-workers. If your workplace really is your home away from home, then why speak inappropriately of your co-workers? Speaking negatively of your co-workers will not only damage your relationships, but it will undermine your credibility. Instead, be the voice of encouragement, praise, and support.

8.  Take pride in your written communications. Everything you type or write as an employee of a company is not only a reflection on your personal brand, but it’s also a reflection on the company’s brand.

9.  Strive for excellence in your work. Be responsible and make sure you complete your responsibilities on time with excellence, even if it requires that you take some projects home.

10.  Keep your workplace clean. No matter how much stuff seems to keep piling up on your desk, do your best to keep it organized. If someone’s workplace is messy and disorganized, why would he or she be any different?

11.  Respond to emails after business hours. I am always impressed with people who check and respond to their business emails during non-business hours. It tells me they take their work seriously. Upper-level management knows who’s contributing during non-business hours.

12.  Stay collected when the pressure builds. How people handle themselves when their backs are against the wall reveals a lot about the person. Pressure reveals weaknesses and separates those who are ready for advancement from those who aren’t.

13.  Take notes. Writing down what others say in meetings shows you are unwilling to run the risk of forgetting something. This works the same way when your waitperson writes down your order. Doesn’t it make you feel more assured when people write down their instructions?

14.  Watch your social media brand. How your co-workers view your social media posts will have a huge impact on how they view you as a person. There is no distinction between your personal and professional life in the social media world. Don’t be fooled into thinking that because people aren’t connected with you, they won’t see your posts or photos.

15.  Get involved. Show that you’re serious about your career by volunteering to lead department projects, getting involved with company fundraisers, or by offering to help with social activities.

There are many more “little things” you can do to stand out as someone worthy of respect and admiration if you will look for them. Pay close attention to the attributes of those senior to you in your organization. There’s a lot you can learn by observing successful people you respect.

What tips can you share? What are the things you respect about a co-worker? What are the things that cause you to lose respect for people you work with? Please share your experiences in the comment section below this post.

You may want to read the related posts below to enhance how you are viewed at work and to increase the value you bring to the market.

If you want to elevate your influence and credibility within your workplace, then build a brand for yourself that makes you stand out from your peers.

Take Control of Your Life by Setting Boundaries

Do you keep agreeing to do tasks you don’t have time to do? Do you allow people to interrupt you at their whim? Do you allow your children to ignore your requests? Do you allow people to treat you with disrespect?

If you want to experience less stress, enhanced relationships, improved health, and better time management, then you must learn to set boundaries. Learn to take control of your life.

When you don’t stand up for yourself and set boundaries, negative things happen: people take advantage of you; life becomes chaotic; you feel abused; your strong self-esteem fades away; and you struggle to find joy and fulfillment in your life.

Here are 12 responses you can use to set boundaries with. . .

1.  An angry person. You could say, “You are a valued customer, but I will not tolerate this type of verbal abuse. If this is how you are going to treat me, I need to hang up the phone.”

2.  Callers phoning you at home during your family time. “From 6:00 until 8:00 is the time I have allocated to be with my family. If you call during that window, I will return your call after 8:00.”

3.  Family or friends who often interrupt you at work. “I want to honor my employer during the hours I am being paid to do my work. Unless something is an emergency, please text me and I will call you during lunch or after I leave the office.”

4.  Your children texting their friends during family time. “Our family time is sacred. When we are spending time together, please leave your phones in your bedrooms.”

5.  People who ask you to accept additional tasks. You could say, “While this organization and the people in it are very important to me, I can’t make any new commitments until I fulfill my current list of responsibilities.”

6.  Someone who is being disrespectful. “I value you as a friend, but I cannot continue in this relationship if this is how you are going to treat me.”

7.  Your parents who keep prying into your personal affairs. “Mom and Dad, I love you, but I respectfully ask that you not continue to probe into my personal life.”

8.  An adult child who is always asking to borrow money. You might say, “I love you and want the best for you, but I will not be loaning you any more money. It’s important that you take responsibility for your own finances and learn to live within your means.”

9.  Someone who keeps commenting on your weight. “I appreciate your concern for my weight and health; however, I ask that you please stop making critical comments about my weight.”

10.  A person who makes sarcastic and cutting comments. You could say, “I don’t know if you realize it, but your sarcastic comments are not kind, considerate, or respectful. If you value our relationship, I ask that you stop making those unnecessary jabs at me.

11.  Your co-workers or colleagues who are constantly interrupting you while you’re working. “When there is something you would like to discuss with me (unless it’s an emergency), let’s schedule an appointment to talk via _____(email). This will allow me to focus on my work and give you my full attention during our scheduled appointments.”

12.  Your spouse or business partner who is making decisions without you. You could say, “I admire your ability to quickly make decisions; however, when those decisions impact me, I would appreciate being included in the decision-making process. Is that fair enough?”

Other boundaries could include such things as refusing to accept calls while you are with other people, taking time to exercise regardless of how busy you may be, putting a limit on the time you will spend watching TV, and refusing to engage in certain types of conversations.

Learning How to Set Boundaries

The first step in learning to set boundaries is self-awareness. For example, pay close attention to situations when you lose energy, feel stress or guilt, get upset, or want to cry. Begin by identifying the things that bother you.

As you set boundaries with people, always be respectful, control your emotions, and use a respectful tone. You may feel uncomfortable at first, but as you begin to see the power of setting boundaries and the freedom it gives you, setting them will get easier.

When you do set boundaries, don’t feel like you need to defend, debate, or detail your feelings. Instead, clearly explain your position; be firm, gracious, and direct.

If someone apologizes when you set a boundary, simply say “Thank you, I knew you’d understand and I appreciate you honoring my request.”

Caution: Make sure the boundaries you set are highly important to you. If you are constantly setting boundaries, people may get tired of living by your rules.

When you have set a boundary, you need to stand firmly behind it. Stay strong. When faced with resistance or repeat occurrences, restate your position. If you give in, people won’t respect your boundaries and you will open the door for future abuse.

If abusive behavior continues, consider severing the relationship. No one has the right to take advantage of you or intrude upon your lifestyle. Sometimes you need to take a step back to go forward.

Setting boundaries enhances your personal power, frees you from abuse, and gives you greater control over your life.

The Ultimate Rapport Accelerator

Rapport is the process of building an amicable relationship—an emotional bond—between people based on trust, understanding, and a sharing of each other’s interests and concerns. It’s an attraction built on mutual liking, empathy, and camaraderie.

Early in my career, I recognized that rapport is one of the most important characteristics of human interaction. I realized that if I were going to be a successful Realtor, I would need to learn how to quickly build rapport with people. I studied; I researched; and I finally compiled a list of “little things” that would help me to quickly build rapport. (See The 12 Fastest Ways to Build Rapport.)

Being able to build instant rapport with people offers numerous benefits. If we know how to quickly connect with people, we can use this knowledge in job interviews, business meetings, networking events, attracting a partner, and many other situations where the speed in which we build rapport matters.

What Is the Connecting Element?

Since starting this blog more than a year ago, I have been monitoring how I feel about new people I meet. My goal has been to identify the “little things” that quickly attract me to people as opposed to those “little things” that repel me from people.

When I felt an immediate connection with someone, I analyzed our interactions. I asked myself several questions: “Why does my gut tell me this is a quality person?”; “Why did my subconscious draw me to this person?”; “Why do I like this person?”

The one common thread—among those with whom I felt an immediate connection—was that I believed they truly cared about me. Wow! So simple! The people I was most attracted to were those whom I instinctively felt really cared about me as a person.

Next, I wanted to identify the distinguishing characteristics of those people to figure out why I felt they cared about me. In evaluating all the factors, there was one thing that stood out to me that I had never consciously thought about before. It was the look on their faces.

The “I Care About You” Look

The “I care about you” look communicates that you genuinely, deep down inside, care about someone. It’s the look that instantly builds trust, makes you likable, and makes people feel a special connection with you.

What would someone’s face look like who has an authentic interest in you as a person? Would these words come to your mind?

• Unhurried—Nothing is more important than you right now.
• Attentive—I would really enjoy learning more about you and your interests.
• Eye contact—I like you.
• Comfortable—I feel relaxed in your presence.
• Warm smile—I am really enjoying our time together.

The “I care about you” look is the look your best friend gives you. It’s the look your spouse or significant other gives you. It’s the look that the people who really do care about you have on their faces when they see you. It’s the look that results from a cluster of facial expressions that says “I care about you.”

How to Implement the “I Care About You” Look

The most difficult challenge in implementing this “I care about you” look is that it has to be genuine. I can quickly pick up on the things people do when they are trying to build an authentic relationship with me.

Are you the same way? Can you tell the difference between the people who really care about you from the people who act as though they are interested in you?

There is only one effective way to show people they are important to you, and that is to truly care about them as people—not because of what they can offer to you. Reframe how you look at people and instead of looking at them as objects, look at them as people worthy of your love, respect, and attention.

For the next 24 hours, focus on looking at each person you meet as someone you really care about. Put yourself in a state of mind where you care deeply for the other person. Make sure the words you speak, the questions you ask, and your body language all align to say “I care about you!”

Whether it’s the store clerk, the bank teller, your co-worker, client, spouse, child, or parent, slow down and be intentional about making them feel like the most important person on earth.

If you really want to challenge yourself, change the way you look at those people where there’s tension or hurt feelings in your relationship. It takes a BIG person to look past the faults in others and find what’s special about them.

Your success in life and in business will greatly depend upon building friendly relationships. Create a bond of trust and get “in sync” quickly with people you meet by wearing that “I care about you” look.