How we compete is a reflection of our character and influences the way others perceive us in other areas of our lives.

Today’s lesson introduces ten traits of great competitors. Applicable in any competitive situation, adopting these traits will help you become a more respected rival.

Before you review the traits below, think of the last competition you were involved in. Maybe it was a heated game of family Monopoly, a high-stakes sales competition, or an intense tennis match. Whatever the circumstance, reflect on your behavior as you read through this list. What areas are most important to you? In which areas do you need to improve?

Ten Competitive Traits to Master

1. Congratulate your opponents when they win or experience success. This is the first rule of good sportsmanship and is equally applicable in the workplace.  Extending congratulations demonstrates that you are not a poor sport and lets others know that you are not harboring ill feelings that will linger after the competition has ended.

2. Be a gracious winner. Never rub a loss in your opponent’s face. No one cares to be around people who gloat over their wins.

3. Celebrate respectfully. It’s normal to feel good after a win of any kind and to want to celebrate, but be conscious of those around you who may not share in your jubilation. Excessive celebration will be a turnoff to most people.

4. Maintain a sense of decorum. Always be mindful not to say derogatory things about your competitor, their team, or their candidate. Remember (unless you are a prizefighter) when you speak poorly of your competitors it damages your credibility and reputation in the process.

5. Keep a consistent attitude whether you win or lose. Michael Jordan, one of the best basketball players of all time, was also one of the most respected competitors for the way he handled himself both on the court and off the court. Virtually all of the teams and players he competed against over the course of his basketball career speak equally about his gifted abilities and his humble demeanor.

6. Use restraint. Take care not to be overly competitive in individual or group activities. If you’re on a team, play your part or your position; don’t try to cover for anyone else. If it’s an individual contest, do your best, but also use your opponent’s level of ability as a guide for how intense your participation should be.

7. Keep a lid on your frustration. If you must rely on others to win a competition and find yourself frustrated, try not to let it show. This only discourages your teammates and makes you appear self-righteous. Instead be the voice of encouragement.

8. Play fair. You lose all credibility as a worthy competitor when you cheat. Even worse, you will lose people’s respect.

9. Give the advantage to your opponent. When a play or other measure of performance is questionable, give your opponent the benefit of the doubt.  Rarely will this cost you the competition, and it will always reflect well on your character.  After all, how do you feel about people who give you the benefit of doubt?

10. Avoid complaining.  No matter how you disguise it, when you complain about any aspect of a competition, it is perceived as whining, and nobody enjoys being around a whiner.

If you are as much a competitor as I am, some of these points will require self-control and some serious self-talk.  I must admit that most of these lessons I learned the hard way.

The next time you find yourself in the middle of a competition, remember it’s how you compete that will leave a lasting impression, not whether you win or lose.

Great competitors earn respect, both in the way they compete and in how they handle themselves after their victories and defeats.

Which of the above traits do you think most people struggle with? What are the things others do that bother you?  Please post your thoughts in the comment section below this post.

Click here to visit the site and/or comment on this post.

About the Author: Todd Smith is a successful entrepreneur of 29 years and founder of Little Things Matter. To receive Todd’s lessons, subscribe here. All Todd’s lessons are also available on iTunes as downloadable podcasts. (Todd’s podcasts are listed #40 in America’s top 100 podcasts.)

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Want Respect? Practice Humility

Have you ever heard an athlete complain, “I don’t get the respect I deserve”?  This person is unaware that respect is not a gift; it is something you must earn. We might admire him for his skill, or envy his million-dollar salary, but we respect the athlete for the attitude he or she exhibits on the field or court, during an interview, or in daily life.

What is that attitude that quickly wins respect? Humility—a modest view of one’s own importance!  An attitude of humility is one of the most significant predictors of someone who is respected.

Arrogance Is the Opposite of Humility

In order to adopt the habits and behavior patterns of humility, it’s important to recognize its evil nemesis—arrogance.  Very few things damage one’s reputation quicker than arrogance. Here are some common phrases people use that reveal a prideful, arrogant attitude:

• Geez, do I have to do everything around here?
• If I don’t toot my own horn, no one else will.
• Let me handle it. No one can do it better than me.

In themselves, these words may not seem so bad, but remember that arrogance is an attitude—a negative one. Individuals who say these kinds of things act in a way that sends a signal to those around them that they believe they are superior to everyone else.

For example, arrogant people often push others aside because they believe they are the only ones qualified to get things done the right way; they speak in ways that put down or disparage others; they take every opportunity to boast about their own accomplishments; and they project an obvious air of trying hard to appear cool.

Self-Confidence or Humility

You don’t have to sacrifice self-confidence to practice humility. When we start to talk about humility, one of the primary objections of driven people is the fear of not appearing confident enough. I will assure you that adopting an attitude of humility does not require you to sacrifice your self-confidence or the confidence you project.

To clarify this, let’s look at the definitions of both confidence and humility.

• Confidence is a self-assurance arising from an appreciation of one’s true abilities.

• Humility is having a modest opinion or estimate of one’s own importance or rank.  It’s about being open to the possibility of improvement.

There’s no reason why these two character traits can’t coexist. In fact, when they do, it’s hard to find a more powerful combination. In Good to Great: Why Some Companies Make the Leap… and Others Don’t, author Jim Collins gives the example of David Packard, co-founder of Hewlett-Packard, as a humble leader who offers this sage advice:

“You shouldn’t gloat about anything you’ve done; you ought to keep going and find something better to do.”

As co-founder of one of the most successful companies in the U.S., you can bet that Packard is a confident individual, but that doesn’t preclude him from practicing humility.

Admittedly, finding the right balance between confidence and humility can be tough—especially for entrepreneurs and people in sales whose livelihood depends on marketing themselves and relying on their accomplishments to obtain future business. In these instances, deciding what information to present and how to present it is paramount. The key is to do so without coming across as egotistical.

Tips for Communicating Both Confidence and Humility

• Let your prior record, actions, and associates speak for you.  Avoid what would sound like boasting about yourself or your accomplishments.

• Limit the times that you speak freely about yourself and your achievements to those occasions when you are communicating the value you bring to a personal or business relationship.

• Consider how you can communicate your message in a way that does not sound like bragging.

Practicing Humility Is a Lifelong Endeavor

By its very nature, humility is not an attitude we ever perfect. It’s a practiced trait that requires constant monitoring, especially since arrogance—egotism, superiority, conceit— is always tugging at our human nature.

Nobel Prize winner Rabindranath Tagore describes both the benefits and practice of humility well: “We come nearest to great when we are great in humility.”

If you desire to adopt or grow in your practice of humility, avoid speaking about yourself in a proud or conceited manner.  Share your accomplishments in a modest, positive way when requested or necessary.

When it is necessary, such as when you need to sell yourself or your services, remember to communicate your message in a way that remains focused on your client or customer and what you can do for them, not just on what you can do.

When you practice humility, you gain the respect of others. Respect brings with it a number of rewards such as more satisfying relationships, broader influence, and a number of employment-related benefits like raises, promotions, and increased sales.

Click here to visit the site and/or comment on this post.

About the Author: Todd Smith is a successful entrepreneur of 29 years and founder of Little Things Matter. To receive Todd’s daily lessons, subscribe here. All Todd’s lessons are also available on iTunes as downloadable podcasts. (Todd’s podcasts are listed #44 in America’s top 100 podcasts.)

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Pssst. Can you keep a secret?

In addition to ensuring that you don’t participate in matters that don’t concern you, it’s even more important to keep any confidence that you have been entrusted with by someone else. You can’t expect to advance personally or professionally if you betray the trust someone has placed in you.

Today’s lesson may prick your conscience; however, my hope is that you will see the immense value in learning the importance of keeping things confidential that should be private and secret.

The Link Between Trust and Confidentiality

When you earn the reputation of someone who can be relied on, you command the respect and trust of people around you and build deeper friendships. In business, trustworthy people are more likely to sell more products, built a larger customer base, receive more raises, and enjoy earlier promotions.

One of the most common, telltale signs of someone who cannot be trusted with confidential information is the person who is says, “So-and-so told me this in confidence, but I know you won’t say anything.”

While you may feel special that this person trusts you, what about the person whose information they promised not to divulge? Personally, I would think twice about sharing my own sensitive information with this person. In short, I would not trust someone who was telling me other people’s secrets.

Respecting and Keeping Confidences

Are you someone who can be trusted with private and confidential information?  To gauge your trustworthiness in this area, ask yourself how likely you would be to share any of the following:

1.  You are on a business trip and having some drinks after hours. A colleague overindulges and ends up passing out in the lobby after a series of pretty funny antics. Do you share this story back at the office?

2.  A partner decides to go his own way and leaves you hanging. You’ve been through a lot together and have plenty of information that could negatively influence his reputation. Do you leak this information?

3.  You and your spouse had a real blowout. Do you vent to your friends?

These situations are examples of implied confidentiality. In each case, no one is explicitly asked not to say anything, but clearly the right thing to do is to keep these things in confidence. There’s quite a bit at stake for the person at the center of each situation. Careers, reputations, and relationships could be irreparably damaged.

Here are a few tips when it comes to keeping confidences:

• Never share information that you have been asked to keep confidential.

• Use your judgment when it comes to matters of implied confidentiality.

• Keep things confidential that were intended to be confidential even if a relationship breaks down.

• Do not vent your private marital or relationship issues with your friends. This will cause them to view your spouse or significant other differently, probably negatively.

• When someone says, “I was asked to keep this in confidence, but I can share it with you,” let them know that you’d rather not be involved.

The next time you consider sharing information, be sure to ask yourself if there is a chance that the person who shared the information with you would like it kept confidential. If that is the case, don’t share it.

As in most matters, there are exceptions to keeping confidences, such as when someone’s health or well-being is at risk. Don’t take the oath of secrecy so far that you let someone continue to endanger themselves or someone else.

Are you willing to make a commitment to never share anything that should be kept confidential? It’s not an easy commitment, but remember that your decision to share or not to share will affect how others view you.

When you keep things confidential that should be confidential, you will gain the reputation as a person who can be trusted, and you will grow strong in character and value.

About the Author: Todd Smith is a successful entrepreneur of 29 years and founder of Little Things Matter. To receive Todd’s daily lessons, subscribe here. All Todd’s lessons are also available on iTunes as downloadable podcasts. (Todd’s podcasts are listed #42 in America’s top 100 podcasts.)

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Or, do you often find yourself on the other end of the transaction?

For example:

• Do you have items which belong to someone else that you’ve been meaning to return, but haven’t gotten around to yet?

• Have you lost, accidentally damaged or broken something borrowed and are ashamed to face the owner so you’re just hoping he never brings it up?

Building Your Borrowing Credit Score

What you may not realize is that, in many respects, the act of borrowing an item that belongs to someone else—whether it’s a book, a tool, or a vehicle—is a lot like building your credit record.

When you borrow an item and return it promptly and in good or better condition, that’s a plus for you. On the other hand, when you fail to return something or return it late, you create a negative impression in the eyes of others, and your borrowing trustworthiness score goes down. In fact, if the offense is significant, such as returning a vehicle dirty or boat on empty, you risk permanently damaging your relationship with that person.

Becoming a Good Borrower

Good borrowing etiquette is really quite straightforward: it requires you to return the item you borrowed in a timely (agreed upon) manner and in the same or better condition.

Although it’s really rather simple, most of us are guilty of violating these rules much more often than we should. While we can say, “It’s because I’m too busy,” the real reason people ignore borrowing etiquette is because they don’t believe it’s important.

I’m taking time today to remind you that being a good borrower is important. When you make the effort to return borrowed items on time and in good condition, you are communicating respect for others and their property.  Because this is an area in which most people fall short, it helps you stand out as being responsible. What’s more, when you have a reputation as a good borrower, people are more willing to help you in the future.

Borrowing Tips

If you find it necessary to ask someone to borrow anything, here are five things you can do to build your borrowing trustworthiness and preserve your reputation:

1. 1. When you borrow something such as a stapler from a co-workers desk, dental floss from another family members bathroom, or a weed trimmer from your neighbor, return what you borrowed as soon as you are done using it.
2. 2. When you borrow something such as a book or movie from a friend, make a note on your calendar or your To Do list to return it.
3. 3. If you borrow someone’s car, truck, boat, lawn mower or snowmobile, always return it with more gas than when you borrowed it.
4. 4. If you have borrowed a vehicle for more than a day, I suggest filling it up with gas and washing it before returning it.
5. 5. When you return the item, if appropriate, consider including a hand-written note of thanks.

Where there’s a borrower, there’s a lender. When you’re the one doing the lending, remember that it’s a good idea to keep track of anything you lend out, and don’t lend out items you really care about or couldn’t bear to lose.

Good borrowing habits most definitely matter. I encourage you to make a commitment today to never again return an item late or in worse condition than when you received it.

To help you maintain good relationships and preserve your reputation, ensure that your borrowing habits reflect positively on your character.

Click here to visit the site and/or comment on this post.

About the Author: Todd Smith is a successful entrepreneur of 29 years and founder of Little Things Matter. To receive Todd’s daily lessons, subscribe here. All Todd’s lessons are also available on iTunes as downloadable podcasts. (Todd’s podcasts are listed #43 in America’s top 100 podcasts.)

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What’s in Your Rulebook?

Today’s lesson addresses discrimination of all types and is intended to help you see that each of us plays an important role in ending discrimination against those with whom we live and work.

Although it seems as if the reasons we should be concerned about ending discrimination are so obvious they need not be stated, I think it’s important that we keep in mind how damaging discrimination really is. The list of why discrimination is wrong is long, but here are the two most powerful reasons:

• Discrimination is dehumanizing. When you treat someone differently solely based on race, gender, age, etc., you deny the value of who they are as an individual.
• Discrimination hurts. Whether discrimination is subtle or overt, people know when they are being discriminated against, and it’s painful.

What Discrimination Looks Like

Awareness of the problem of racial discrimination is probably the highest it’s ever been, and most would probably agree that we’ve made measurable progress on race issues in this country in the past generation. But we still have a long way to go.

To help frame how prevalent all forms of discrimination are today, let’s consider a few common examples:

• A law firm has an unspoken rule that no female will make partner until a quota of male partners has been reached because they believe that clients have more faith in male attorneys than female attorneys.
• A high-end salon turns away otherwise qualified applicants because they don’t have the right look.
• A high-end restaurant uses a proprietary database to decline reservations for individuals who do not meet certain demographic qualifications.
• A local civic organization denies membership to individuals who do not hold the political views that are predominant in the current group.

In each of these cases, the individuals who may be turned away are being discriminated against for a host of different reasons: their gender, their looks, their income, or their political affiliation.

I can think of no valid reason why anyone should be treated differently for factors beyond their control, nor should they be viewed negatively because of their beliefs.

Your Role in Stopping Discrimination

I titled this post, The End of Discrimination Starts With You because you are the only person you can change. If enough of us make a daily, conscious effort not to discriminate, it is possible for real societal change to take place.

In my own personal and professional life, I am more prone to help someone who I believe is discriminated against than someone who is not. When I see that someone is disadvantaged because of something beyond their control, I go out of my way to befriend them and help in any way I can.

Therefore, I am challenging you to start looking at everyone as equal, and going above and beyond to support those who likely feel discriminated against. When you do, you benefit from knowing it’s the right thing to do. In addition, you will be showing greater respect to those around you and will present yourself as someone with a balanced and tolerant worldview.

Begin Today

If you wish to join me in taking an active stance against all forms of discrimination, here are some ways you can begin.

• Never again say anything negative or derogatory about anyone as it relates to things outside their control.
• Be more aware of discrimination. When you witness it, ask yourself if there is anything you can do personally to remedy the situation. Then do it!
• Be intentional about giving favor to those whom you know are being discriminated against.
• Say the words and practice the behavior you want children to imitate. As parents and teachers, we have a huge influence on our children and their views.
• Guard your thoughts and words when with those who make discriminating remarks.  Stand up for what’s right.
• Choose your friends carefully. People who discriminate are not friends of mine. Remember that you are the average of your five closest friends.

“It is often easier to become outraged by injustice half a world away than by oppression and discrimination half a block from home.” —Carl T. Rowan

About the Author: Todd Smith is a successful entrepreneur of 29 years and founder of Little Things Matter. To receive Todd’s daily lessons, subscribe here. All Todd’s lessons are also available on iTunes as downloadable podcasts. (Todd’s podcasts are listed #43 in America’s top 100 podcasts.)

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What’s in Your Rulebook?

The stories told, daily lessons posted, and life experiences shared are all about helping you grow in every area of your personal and professional life.

In today’s lesson, I want to bring attention to one of the core elements of your character—being a person of your word. There are very few subjects more important than your personal character. Being known as a person who honors your word is as simple as doing what you said you would do when you said you would do it.

Why Your Word Matters

In short, honoring your word plays a powerful role in how you are viewed by others. In the longer-term, it also plays a large part in how you view yourself. And, quite frankly, it dictates whether you are a person who is respected and accepted or disrespected and scorned.

It’s ironic that although nearly everyone will admit to valuing the importance of keeping your word, fewer and fewer people actually do it. As a result, when I see people who consistently live up to their commitments, my respect for them soars.

While honoring your word does include big things like marriage and business agreements, it also includes the little things you say you will do—such as calling when you said you would, remembering to let your neighbor’s pet in as you promised, and getting the report turned in on time.

Just as there are benefits to doing what you say you will, there are repercussions when you don’t. When we allow ourselves to back out of our commitments, it usually results in guilt and time wasted in our attempt to avoid those we’ve let down. I’ve learned it takes more time and emotional energy to circumvent or repair a damaged relationship when we’ve shirked a commitment than it does to keep it!

Keep Your Commitments

Undoubtedly there have been and will continue to be times when you agree to do something that you later regret. However, once you have agreed to do something, don’t back out or procrastinate. Don’t hope the other party will forget or wait for them to remind you. When you have given your word that you will do something, you must do it and do it when it is expected.

After you have fulfilled your obligation (however painful), learn from the experience. Why was it so hard to follow through? Was it a matter of time, or were you ill-equipped in the first place? Whatever the reason, figure it out and know that it should factor into the next time you are asked to do something similar.

Not only is living up to your commitments vital in building the trust and respect of others, but it is critical in building your own self-respect. Whether you realize it or not, when you fall back on your promises, it erodes your self-image and self-esteem. Think of the last commitment you failed to fulfill? How did this experience make you feel about yourself?

Think Before You Commit

Becoming a person whose word can be trusted and relied upon boils down to a few basic things.

1.  Think before you commit. With very few exceptions, you don’t have to immediately say yes or no to a request. Take an hour, an evening, or a day to think it through. Consider all that is involved and decide whether or not it’s something you are willing to commit your time and energy to. If not, politely decline.

2.  Once you have given your word, don’t give yourself the option to back out.

I have asked myself hundreds of times, “What was I thinking when I made that commitment?” When this happens, I muster everything I have to uphold my end of the bargain. I do that because I feel so strongly that honoring my word is essential to who I am. It’s one of my core values. As a result, I am very careful with the commitments I make.

My Challenge to You

• Starting today, become a person who lives up to your word and does what you say you will even when circumstances change.

• Uphold your word with a good attitude. Remember that it was you who said “yes” in the first place.
• Take every opportunity to learn from your commitments so that you can make better decisions in the future.
• Finally, do you have any unfulfilled commitments? Do them now. You will feel better.

Keeping your word is one of the most effective ways to earn the respect of others and build a solid reputation, both personally and professionally.

Click here to visit the site and/or comment on this post.

About the Author: Todd Smith is a successful entrepreneur of 29 years and founder of Little Things Matter. To receive Todd’s daily lessons, subscribe here. All Todd’s lessons are also available on iTunes as downloadable podcasts. (Todd’s podcasts are listed #47 in America’s top 100 podcasts.)

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Juror #1 sensed that he was about to get an earful so he quickly asked, “Do you by any chance work at Lakeview High School?”  Juror #2 said that he did. Juror #1 replied, “You must be talking about Elaine. She’s my wife.”

Talk about an awkward situation! Like Juror #2, too few people realize that what they say and do can offend people and will likely have a ripple effect on their lives. It may be for a week, or it may be for a lifetime.

It is a Small World After All

At the heart of today’s lesson is the reality that it is indeed a small world. What’s more, the pervasiveness of the Internet in our personal and professional lives has shrunk our world even smaller. As a case in point, I’ve seen statistics ranging from 50% to 70% relating to the percentage of employers who now Google prospective employees.

By now, everyone has heard the career advice, “Don’t burn bridges,” and “Never say anything bad about a former employer in an interview.” I would go a step further and tell you, “Do not burn bridges in any area of your life. Period!”

Consider a few of these very plausible situations:

• The elderly person whose tire you change on the side of the road may be the brother of the chairman of the board at your company. This act of service may be the difference in getting that next promotion.
• The hostess at your favorite restaurant whom you always treat respectfully may be the daughter of your most valued prospective client.
• The neighbor you wave to and smile at every morning may be the person in charge of hiring for that job you really want.

On the other hand:

• The woman at the club whom you have treated with a cold shoulder may be the wife of your husbands most important customer.
• The man standing behind you in the grocery store who heard you being disrespectful to the cashier may be one of the business leaders on the scholarship committee at your daughter’s school.
• The coworker you excluded and made feel unwelcome at your last job may be best friends with your new boss.

The older I get, the more of these small-world “coincidences” I see.  I have come to understand and appreciate that we live in a connected world, and these connections play a vital role in our lives.

Reputation 101

The truth is you never know who someone knows or whether they might enter your life again at a future date. Why risk alienating anyone? Besides not being a nice thing to do, it can have devastating effects on your reputation.

Every interaction you have with someone does one of two things: it helps your reputation, or it hurts your reputation. Here’s a perfect example.

One evening I was in a hurry to get home for an important call when I pulled into my residential area behind a car that was going 10 MPH in a 25 MPH zone.  I wanted to honk, yell, and flash my lights at the slow poke that was making me late for my call.  Moment after agonizing moment passed as I followed him down street after street. Still this driver did not turn off. This continued right up to my neighbor’s driveway. You guessed it. The driver was my neighbor who wasn’t feeling well that evening. As a new neighbor, I did not recognize his car.

Had I given in to my impulses and honked, or gotten irritated and sped around him, my actions could have negatively affected my neighbor’s view of me.  As a man of influence in the community, who knows what the ripple effect could have been.

Time for a Checkup

Your reputation is a life-long accumulation of your actions and your interactions with the people around you. What does your reputation say about you today? What would your neighbors, co-workers or business acquaintances say about you if they were asked for a personal recommendation?

Have you burned bridges in your past? Most of us have at one time or another, but it is possible—and advisable—to make amends. Oftentimes, when you go out of your way to restore a previously damaged relationship, you make a stronger, more favorable impression than if you were to let “sleeping dogs lie.”

Take some time today to do a self-examination of your reputation. If you’re honest with yourself, you’ll know right away in which areas you need to improve. And again, if you have burned a few bridges in your past, perhaps it’s time to restore some of those damaged relationships. At least make the effort. You’ll feel better about yourself and who knows, you may be doing yourself a favor. It’s a small world!

If you have any “small world” stories, please share them in the comments section below this post.

Build a personal reputation that speaks for you when you are not around.

About the Author:
Todd Smith is a successful entrepreneur of 29 years and founder of Little Things Matter. To receive Todd’s daily lessons, subscribe here. All Todd’s lessons are also available on iTunes as downloadable podcasts. (Todd’s podcasts are listed #54 in America’s top 100 podcasts.)

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Taking a Good Look in the Mirror of Truth

Although Paul Harvey died in 2009, I can’t help but think of his influence on today’s lesson. There are always  two sides to every story, and it benefits us to make sure we know and understand both sides before making a judgment or rendering an opinion.

Whether it’s your best friend complaining about his or her spouse, a co-worker complaining about another employee, or a newspaper columnist writing a political story, just remember, there are always two sides to each story.

If we wish to be viewed by others as dependable, wise, and deliberate, we need to be sure we have all the facts before we speak or act.

Premature Opinions Harm Your Reputation

I think most people can relate to the ‘Uh-oh’ feeling that comes right after learning that we’ve made a fool of ourselves having argued a point only to find out that we didn’t have all the facts and made an err in judgment. This is followed by a (sometimes) tactful retreat or as they say, eating of words. We all may do it on occasion, but it’s worth considering the effects that rushing to judgment has on your reputation over time if it happens too often.

As an example, I have worked alongside a gentleman who has an opinion on absolutely everything. In his mind, I’m sure he believes that voicing a strong opinion on everything makes him seem knowledgeable and in tune with what’s going on in the world. But let’s face it; he’s just one man with a family and a job to look after. He can’t possibly devote the time and research necessary to making an informed decision about every issue of the day. This causes me to doubt his sincerity and some of his claims. Furthermore, I really couldn’t say what issues are important to him, because as he tells it, ‘everything’ is his business.

From the Headlines

Let’s look at a specific situation from today’s sports news. How many of you have heard at least one person say that LeBron James made a mistake in choosing Miami? Because it’s in the news, perhaps people feel compelled to hold an opinion, but how many people really know much of anything about LeBron’s reasons and personal motivations? They can speculate all day long, but that’s just what they’re doing. Consequently, this devalues their judgment in the eyes of others.

Can you see how this same concept applies to the everyday issues you face?

It’s natural to be influenced when we hear or read something—especially if it’s well presented, but it’s important to remember that you may not have the whole story. In the words of Winston Churchill, “A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on.”

Remember that it’s okay not to weigh in on every issue you’re confronted with. When you reserve your strongly held beliefs for the things that really matter to you, your opinions will carry more weight and your point of view will command greater respect.

Do People Stop to Listen to You?

In its day, E.F. Hutton was one of the most respected financial firms in the United States. Even those who didn’t follow the financial news knew the phrase, “When E. F. Hutton talks, people listen.”  The premise of this catchy advertising slogan was that E.F. Hutton had something of value to say when it came to investing money.

This isn’t a farfetched notion at all. For example, I am personally very careful with the things I endorse and what I give credit to. I seldom take strong positions on things, especially if they’re not important to me. When I do take a strong position and have an opinion to share, it’s for something I know a lot about and am prepared to defend from every angle. As a result, I find that people really do stop to listen when I have something to say.

Become Someone Whose Opinion is Respected

From this point forward, be intentional about forming beliefs and sharing your opinions. Make sure you have all the data on which to base your decisions.  When addressing a conflict or challenge where people are involved, be sure to reserve your opinion until you have both sides of the story.

“In seeking truth you have to get both sides of a story.”

~ Walter Cronkite

About the Author: Todd Smith is a successful entrepreneur of 29 years and founder of Little Things Matter. To receive Todd’s daily lessons, subscribe here. All Todd’s lessons are also available on iTunes as downloadable podcasts. (Todd’s podcasts are listed in America’s top 100 podcasts.)

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In all fairness, those callers may have had something valuable to offer, but their timing was way off. They were trying to sell me a solution when I didn’t ask for one.

Learning to Listen Without Trying to Fix The Problem

This same notion holds true when listening to a friend or coworker who is sharing a problem or concern with us. Unfortunately, in an effort to be helpful, we’re all guilty of diving into ‘fix-it’ mode and are ready with a quick solution as soon as there’s a break in the conversation.

Maybe it’s because we feel if we can’t solve their problem or offer some useful advice, we’re not being a good friend or a good listener. In reality, however, nothing could be farther from the truth.

When we rush in to save the day and offer a solution to a problem that doesn’t belong to us, we are actually discrediting the seriousness of the problem!  And, by extension, we discredit those people who are sharing their problems because we actually insult their ability to work through their own issues without our help.

What Does a Good Listener Look Like?

Take a moment to think of people you consider to be good listeners. What qualities make them different?  What do they do or not do that lets people know they are willing to listen? If your list is anything like mine, it includes qualities like calm, thoughtful, and contemplative. When I think of the good listeners in my life, I picture how they listen with their whole bodies—not just with their ears.

Good listeners are trusted friends who are marked by their ability to listen without offering advice. They are respected leaders whose intentional listening habits demonstrate genuine care, interest and concern. All have strong, close relationships with others and are excellent at building rapport.

How to Become a Better Listener

Resist the temptation to offer advice or a solution when you are the one who’s listening. Rarely is someone looking for us to solve whatever challenging issue it is they’re facing. In almost all cases, what they’re looking for is someone to simply listen.

Because there will be times when you are asked for advice, remember that in most cases the person asking already has all the pieces of the solution; they usually just need a good listener to help them through the decision process. In these instances, you can ask questions such as, “What do you think your next step should be?” or “What do you think is your best solution?” or “How do you want this to turn out?”

By asking questions you enable people to solve their own problems without offering your advice. Asking these types of guiding questions when requested to help, will not only strengthen your relationships, but they will also build their self-confidence, because they have solved their own problems.

The next time you have the privilege of listening to a friend share his or her concerns, challenges or problems, I urge you to be intentional about withholding your advice and overcoming the temptation to offer a solution. Most of us are presented with multiple listening opportunities each day and how we respond will influence the quality of relationships we build.

If you spend more time listening and asking questions rather than offering solutions and opinions, people’s respect for you will grow and your relationships will blossom.

About the Author: Todd Smith is a successful entrepreneur of 29 years and founder of Little Things Matter. To receive Todd’s daily lessons, subscribe here. All Todd’s lessons are also available on iTunes as downloadable podcasts. (Todd’s podcasts are listed in America’s top 100 podcasts.)

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When I began to intentionally evaluate the damaging effects of sarcasm, I was utterly shocked at how inappropriate, culturally offensive, and downright cruel most of the sarcastic, off-the-cuff remarks turned out to be.  A few decades ago, they were called cut-lows—what a fitting label.

This experience only reinforced my belief that sarcasm doesn’t belong in our interactions with one another.

Sarcasm Hurts and Offends

Though it’s often camouflaged as humor, sarcasm is really just a convenient way for people to express hurt feelings, criticize others, or disapprove of some action without actually coming out and saying what’s on their minds.

Television sitcoms are loaded with sarcastic remarks and, of course, the viewers laugh at the embarrassment the recipient shows.  Don’t be fooled that these are merely clever sayings from quick-witted individuals. Television writers think they are entertaining the audience, but they are really setting an example for viewers to follow. Our children grow up believing this is socially acceptable.

These sharp, cutting remarks are given with the intent to wound or embarrass.  Sarcasm is hurtful to others. At the very least, it’s got tremendous potential to be misunderstood since there is always a ‘hidden message’ involved. I urge you to consider today whether it’s worth risking alienating another person in the interest of getting a laugh.

When you resort to sarcasm to get a point across in a disguised manner, it demonstrates a lack of conviction and courage to say what you really mean. Although an occasional sarcastic remark may seem harmless, remember that people judge your character every day by what you say as well as how you act. The collective result of those judgments is your reputation.

Break the Habit

My challenge to you is this, and I don’t extend it lightly: will you commit to eliminating sarcasm altogether, in all areas of your life? At home, with friends, at school, at work, and everywhere in between?

I won’t sugarcoat it; sarcastic speech is a very difficult habit to break once it has become a part of your communication style. And it’s especially tough if the people around you thrive on the temptation of ‘one-upping’ each other when it comes to sarcastic comments. The truth is sarcasm breeds sarcasm. It’s just that simple.

With that said, please don’t let this intimidate you or stop you from trying! Here are a few ideas to help you break free from the bad habit of sarcasm:

• Keep a mental or written list of the reactions and consequences you notice when those around you are the target of sarcasm. This awareness alone will be a powerful motivator to change your own behavior.

• Think before you speak. Considering how your words will be received is a very effective way to monitor your speech.

• Enlist a trusted friend or partner who is willing to enter a sarcasm-free zone with you.  Agree that you will hold each other accountable when you hear the other person using sarcasm.

I hope you will seriously consider my challenge to you. You can do it, and your reputation will benefit greatly. What do you say?

Eliminating sarcasm may just be one of the most rewarding personal development steps you’ll ever take because it forces you to better express who you really are and what is important to you.

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About the Author: Todd Smith is a successful entrepreneur of 29 years and founder of Little Things Matter. To receive Todd’s daily lessons, subscribe here. All Todd’s lessons are also available on iTunes as downloadable podcasts. (Todd’s podcasts are listed in America’s top 100 podcasts.)

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