Little Things Matter &#187; Communication

Top 10 Soft Skills to Master in 2011

Modeling Builds Rapport

My Top Time Management Tip

What’s Your Value to the Market?

Phone Greetings That Make a Positive Impression

Stand Out From the Crowd

10 Ways to Make a Positive Impression When Greeting People

10 Ways to Make a Positive Impression Through Your Voicemail Messages

12 Attributes, Values and Skills of a 360-degree Leader

Preferred Methods of Communication

Six Ways to Avoid Misunderstandings

11 Ways to Increase Your Discipline

When It’s Time To Learn, Shut Up And Listen

Make a Good Last Impression

How to Move Up The Pay Scale

Maximizing Your Value

The Valleys Define The Leaders

How to Prepare and Plan for New Projects

Learn to Enjoy What You Don’t Enjoy

Becoming the Best at What You Do

The Power of Personal Initiative

Be Open to the Ideas of Others

Responsibility Reflects Character

The Duplication Effect of Leadership

49 Ways to Improve Your Email Brand

How to Organize and Prioritize Weekly Projects

The Growing Importance of Soft Skills

Improving Your Written Communication Skills

15 Ways to Increase Your Influence in Meetings

The Ultimate Rapport Accelerator

Todd Smith — Tue, 01 Mar 2011 08:45:05 +0000

Rapport is the process of building an amicable relationship—an emotional bond—between people based on trust, understanding, and a sharing of each other’s interests and concerns. It’s an attraction built on mutual liking, empathy, and camaraderie.

Early in my career, I recognized that rapport is one of the most important characteristics of human interaction. I realized that if I were going to be a successful Realtor, I would need to learn how to quickly build rapport with people. I studied; I researched; and I finally compiled a list of “little things” that would help me to quickly build rapport. (See The 12 Fastest Ways to Build Rapport.)

Being able to build instant rapport with people offers numerous benefits. If we know how to quickly connect with people, we can use this knowledge in job interviews, business meetings, networking events, attracting a partner, and many other situations where the speed in which we build rapport matters.

What Is the Connecting Element?

Since starting this blog more than a year ago, I have been monitoring how I feel about new people I meet. My goal has been to identify the little things that quickly attract me to people as opposed to those little things that repel me from people.

When I felt an immediate connected with someone, I analyzed our interactions. I asked myself several questions: “Why does my gut tell me this is a quality person?” “Why did my sub-conscious draw me to this person?” “Why do I like this person?”

The one common thread—among those with whom I felt an immediate connection—was that I believed they truly cared about me. Wow! So simple? The people I was most attracted to were those whom I instinctively felt really cared about me as a person.

Next I wanted to identify the distinguishing characteristics of those people to figure out why I felt they cared about me. In evaluating all the factors there was one thing that stood out to me that I had never consciously thought about before. It was the look on their faces.

The “I Care About You” Look

The I-care-about-you look communicates that you genuinely, deep down inside, care about someone. It’s the look that instantly builds trust, makes you likable, and makes people feel a special connection with you.

What would someone’s face look like who has an authentic interest in you as a person? Would these words come to your mind?

Unhurried—Nothing is more important than you right now.
Attentive—I would really enjoy learning more about you and your interests.
Eye contact—I like you.
Comfortable—I feel relaxed in your presence.
Warm Smile—I am really enjoying our time together.

The I-care-about-you look is the look your best friend gives you. It’s the look your spouse or significant other gives you. It’s the look that the people who really do care about you have on their face when they see you. It’s the look that results from a cluster of facial expressions that says, “I care about you.”

How to Implement the “I Care About You” Look

The most difficult challenge in implementing this “I care about you” look is that it has to be genuine. I can quickly pick up on the things people do when they are trying to build an in-authentic relationship with me.

Are you the same way? Can you tell the difference between the people who really care about you from the people who acting as though they interested in you?

There is only one effective way to show people they are important to you and that is to truly care about them as people—not because of what they can offer to you. Reframe how you look at people and instead of looking at them as objects, look at them as people worthy of your love, respect and attention.

For the next 24 hours focus on looking at each person you meet as someone you really care about. Put yourself in a state of mind where you care deeply for the other person. Make sure the words you speak, the questions you ask, and your body language all align to say, “I care about you!”

Whether it’s the store clerk, the bank teller, your co-worker, client, spouse, child, or parent, slow down and be intentional about making them feel like the most important person on earth.

If you really want to challenge yourself, change the way you look at those people where there’s tension or hurt feelings in your relationship. It takes a BIG person to look past the faults in others and find what’s special about them.

Your success in life and in business will greatly depend upon building friendly relationships. Create a bond of trust and get “in sync” quickly with people you meet by wearing that I-Care-About-You Look.

Click here to visit the site and/or comment on this post.

About the Author: Todd Smith is a successful entrepreneur of 30 years and founder of Little Things Matter. To receive Todd’s lessons, subscribe here. All Todd’s lessons are also available on iTunes as downloadable podcasts. (Todd’s podcasts are ranked #20 in America’s top 100 podcasts and #1 in the personal and development field.)

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Click here to visit the site and/or comment on this post.

The Power of Non-Verbal Communication

Todd Smith — Thu, 24 Feb 2011 08:45:39 +0000

You have no doubt heard the proverb—Actions speak louder than words.

It’s true. Your body is a crucial part of communicating your inner feelings. Of course, we can’t communicate ideas, thoughts, and plans without words. However, the way people interpret those words is tremendously influenced by our non-verbal communication.

In her research, Dr. Isa Engleberg (Professor of Speech at Prince George College) has suggested that between 60 and 70 percent of all meaning—understanding—is derived from our body language.

What is body language? It’s a form of non-verbal communication consisting of facial expressions, eye movements, gestures, and posture. Here are a few examples:

Face: smiling shows happiness; frowning shows disapproval.
Eyes: attentive gaze shows interest; rolling the eyes shows disgust.
Gestures: nodding the head shows agreement; tapping fingers on table shows boredom or impatience.
Posture: leaning forward shows eagerness, acceptance, or interest; slumped over shows discouragement.

The messages we send through these expressions and gestures play a key role in people’s interpretation of the words we speak, strongly influencing how we are viewed. John Locke, a British philosopher of the 1600s, said, “I have always thought the actions of men are the best interpreters of their thoughts.”

In today’s lesson I want to focus on the destructive consequences of unattractive body language and the negative messages we send based on our uncontrolled feelings and emotions. If you wish to communicate well, then it makes sense to understand how you can (and cannot) use your body to say what you mean.

What we see consciously

To quickly grasp the importance of this subject, consider these comments that co-workers have said. What body language signaled this response? What inner emotion was each person experiencing?

1. “He certainly got up on the wrong side of the bed this morning.”

2. “I guess she didn’t get the sale yesterday.”

3. “He must have stayed out partying last night.”

4. “What’s she in such a huff about?”

5. “Wow! He looks like he’s just been run over by a truck.”

All of these attention grabbers had a negative impact on how co-workers viewed them.

What we register sub-consciously

The intriguing side of body language is that what we see affects us at the subconscious level as well—meaning that we notice things intuitively without stopping to consciously think about them. What makes this disturbing is the fact that the signal we give off through our body language creates lasting images of who we are and it influences people’s opinions of us without a conscious thought.

If you harbor hard feelings or have a bad attitude, you don’t need to wonder if people know. They do and it never reflects well on you. If you are pouting because your idea wasn’t accepted, you can be assured that everyone in the office knows and it’s impacting their judgment of you.

The messages you allow your body to give off not only influence how you are viewed at that very moment but, when repeated over time, play a significant role in the way your brand is etched in their minds.

As an example, if something doesn’t go your way and your body language tells everyone you’re upset, people quickly detect that you’re displeased. If you appear this way every time something doesn’t go your way, then you will likely be viewed as a “big baby,” “a spoiled person,” or “Mama’s boy.”

On a positive side, if you handle a challenging disagreement without appearing rattled, then people will think, “I’m impressed by the way she handled that situation.” If you continue to control your emotions and body language, then you will become known as someone who’s in control of your actions and behavior.

Recognizing destructive body signals

It’s important to recognize destructive body language so that you can become aware of the messages you are broadcasting. Remember that your posture, gestures, and mannerisms can overpower the words you speak and influence people’s assessment of you.

What body signals would convey a message for the following negative feelings?
Aggravation, frustration, disgust, depression, distraction, annoyance, skepticism.

Controlling your body language

If you want to be held in high regard, then it’s critical that you learn how to control the signals you give through your body language, especially the negative ones.

1. The first step in controlling your body language is awareness. Start paying attention to the non-verbal signals you are sending. This is not about trying to control one element of your body language, such as a specific facial expression. It’s the big picture message you are sending that results from a cluster of indicators.

2. The second step is to control your emotions and feelings, especially your negative ones. Some of the most undesirable non-verbal messages we send stem from what Zig Ziglar called, “Stinking thinking.” What we choose to think about when faced with a challenging situation is a choice. The choice we make is often communicated before one word comes out of our mouths.

I want to challenge you to start being aware of the messages you are sending though your body language. Take control of your emotions and feelings and don’t allow yourself to display non-verbal language that could have a negative impact on how you are viewed.

Body language plays a significant role in all aspects of work and business as well as in relationships at home and in the community. Control your emotions and avoid those signals that can destroy the image of the person you want to become.

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Top 10 Soft Skills to Master in 2011

15 Ways to Increase Your Influence in Meetings

Todd Smith — Tue, 22 Feb 2011 08:45:39 +0000

Meeting with groups of people is something we all experience. Whether it’s board meetings, business meetings, office meetings, church meetings, or small group meetings, you can do some simple things to build your personal brand and have your words carry more weight.

1. Learn about the participants. If you are attending an important meeting where people will be present whom you have not yet met, learn about them in advance. Google their names, read their websites, review their LinkedIn profiles, or whatever options are available to you. How would you view someone who took the time to learn about you in advance?

2. Dress appropriately. The way you appear in meetings will impact how you are viewed—both at the subconscious and conscious level. When you take pride in your appearance, people will regard you more seriously and will place more value in what you say.

3. Come prepared. Before attending a meeting, review the agenda and come prepared for the discussion. Very few things reflect as negatively on meeting participants as when they are unprepared. If you are part of the presentation, come organized and ready to deliver your message with excellence.

4. Arrive early. When you show up to meetings early, you will likely feel relaxed, comfortable, and in control. Rushing into a meeting at the last minute never feels good. Being there as people arrive allows you to greet and connect with each person individually. Showing an interest in people before the meeting makes them more receptive to what you share during the meeting.

5. Pick a good seat. If appropriate, ask the meeting’s organizer where he or she would prefer you to sit. If the seating is open, put some thought into where you would want to sit. As an example, if you will be sitting at a rectangular table, sit at the end of the table. Not only will this allow you to easily see each person at the table, but the end seat is often associated with authority.

6. Conceal your phone. Put your phone on the silent mode when entering any meeting and put it out of sight. Looking at your phone during a meeting is not only disrespectful, but it is also an indication that the meeting is not your priority.

7. Listen with your whole body. One of the most effective ways to demonstrate your respect for others is to listen with interest. Give your full attention to the person speaking. Make 100 percent eye contact with each person as they speak, lean forward, and listen carefully to what they say.

8. Never interrupt. When people are talking, give them the courtesy of finishing before sharing your thoughts. As you listen, don’t give any indication that you have something to say. If you do want to contribute something, wait for the speaker to finish. If everyone is jumping into the conversation, just signal to the person in charge that you have something to share, and then wait until you are called upon.

9. Think before you speak. One of the fastest ways to lose people’s respect in meetings is to waste their time with rambling thoughts. Ask yourself, “What is the best way for my point to be easily understood using the fewest number of words possible?” People who aren’t constantly running their mouths and who are thoughtful in what they say are those who earn people’s respect.

10. Participate. If you are part of a meeting, it’s important to be an active participant. You can’t gain influence if you aren’t contributing value. It could be asking a question, volunteering to take the lead on one of the points discussed, clarifying a point, or simply supporting an idea.

11. Take notes. If a topic is being discussed that falls under your area of responsibility, make notes. Don’t rely on your memory. Taking notes also indicates that you understand what’s being said and are taking your responsibility seriously.

12. Don’t be a distraction. Whispering to the person next to you, sending notes around the table, or leaving the room to use the restroom can cause a disruption of concentration for the speaker as well as the audience. It indicates to everyone that the subject being discussed is not important to you.

13. Include everyone when talking. When you speak, make it a point to share eye contact with each member of the group. This does not mean scanning the group. It means being intentional to make sure each person feels included.

14. Disagree respectfully. If you have a concern about something being discussed, start by asking questions to better understand the opposing point of view. If you are still concerned, share your position in a humble and respectful manner. If things don’t go your way, control your emotions and body language.

15. Don’t check out. If you are part of a meeting and a specific agenda item doesn’t impact you, stay attentive and involved. I can scan a room and tell who’s interested in the discussion and who’s not and so can every other intelligent person in the room.

If you will follow these 15 tips at your next meeting, people’s respect and admiration for you will grow, your influence among the participants will be felt, your self-confidence will grow, and your value to the market will increase.

What tips can you share on this subject? What are the things people do that bug you at meetings? What are the characteristics of the people you respect at meetings? Please share your thoughts in the comment section below this post.

How you conduct yourself in meetings plays an important role in the influence you build within an organization.

Click here to visit the site and/or comment on this post.

About the Author: Todd Smith is a successful entrepreneur of 30 years and founder of Little Things Matter. To receive Todd’s lessons, subscribe here. All Todd’s lessons are also available on iTunes as downloadable podcasts. (Todd’s podcasts are ranked #20 in America’s top 100 podcasts and #1 in the personal and development field.)

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Improving Your Written Communication Skills

Todd Smith — Thu, 10 Feb 2011 08:45:40 +0000

Do you form opinions about people based upon their written communications with you? Can you distinguish between the people who take pride in their communications and those who don’t?

In today’s electronic age, one of the primary ways we are branding ourselves is through our typed words. Our emails, text messages, and posts on social media sites reveal much about who we are.

How you are viewed impacts the respect people have for you, the influence you have with others, and the people you attract into your life. These things play an important role in your personal and professional relationships, in the value you bring to the market, and how you feel about yourself.

It really boils down to this: do you care about how you are viewed? Do you want to create a positive brand for yourself? If you do, it’s important that you start taking pride in everything you type and write. Begin today to put an emphasis on developing your written communication skills.

Of all the written communication skills on my list, here are my top 14 tips to consider with every message you type.

1. Write short sentences. Short sentences are easier to read than long sentences. If a sentence feels like it’s getting long, break it into two.

2. Write short paragraphs. Limit your paragraphs to three sentences. This allows for white space and improves readability. If a paragraph looks like a big block of text, consider how you can divide it into two or three smaller paragraphs.

3. Capitalize the first letter of each sentence. Not hitting the shift key is a surefire way to tell people you don’t care about how you are viewed.

4. Use people’s names. Just as people notice when you speak their names, they are also aware when they read their names. Writing “Hi Joe,” or “Hey Sue,” lets them know the message is for them and makes the person feel valued.

5. Be clear. With every message you type, ask yourself, “Is this message clear and to the point?” No one likes having to read a message more than once to figure out what the other person is trying to say.

6. Be concise. Learn to communicate your messages in the fewest number of words possible. This is my goal with every sentence I write.

7. Look for potential misunderstandings. As you proof your messages ask, “How could this be misunderstood?” Go the extra mile to avoid potential misunderstandings.

8. Provide a complete response. When you receive a message that asks multiple questions, be sure to address each subject or question asked. Don’t make people send another message repeating the overlooked question because you didn’t take the time to provide a complete response.

9. Number multiple topics. If you are covering more than one point, break out each point using numbers. I have yet to see a better way to communicate multiple topics than by numbering them.

10. Use a friendly tone. Do you notice the tone people convey in their written communications? Can you tell when they are aggravated, overly firm, curt, or offended? Communicating with a friendly tone will make you more attractive and your recipient more receptive.

11. Know when to pick up the phone. If there is something upsetting to you, pick up the phone and call the other person. Don’t allow yourself to send emotional messages that have the potential to scar a relationship and cause you regret.

12. Proof everything. Don’t ever hit the send, submit, or comment button on anything you have not proofed. Your time management is never more important than your personal brand.

13. Have it edited. If your document is important, go one step beyond your own proofing. Consider having someone edit it. I have every important document I create edited.

14. Take pride. Be proud of every message you send, including those going to your friends and family.

Remember the wise words of Napoleon Hill, author of Think and Grow Rich who said, “A big success is made up from a great number of little circumstances each of which may seem so small and insignificant most people pass them by as not being worthy of notice.”

Bonus Tip!

Be intentional and try to improve with every sentence you write or type. As you proof your written text, consider how it could be enhanced. Would a more descriptive word communicate your point? Can you find a synonym for that over-worked word?

This extra effort will take a little more time, but this is how you are going to get better. Focus on developing your written communications skills with every word you write or type, whether it’s an email or an important document.

If you are a new reader to this site, you may want to read my report, 49 Ways to Improve Your Email Brand, to find more tips to help improve your writing.

How do you think people could improve their written communications skills? What written communication skills have you struggled with? Please share your thoughts in the comment section below this post.

“You have to put in many, many, many tiny efforts that nobody sees or appreciates before you achieve anything worthwhile.” Brian Tracy

Click here to visit the site and/or comment on this post.

About the Author: Todd Smith is a successful entrepreneur of 30 years and founder of Little Things Matter. To receive Todd’s lessons, subscribe here. All Todd’s lessons are also available on iTunes as downloadable podcasts. (Todd’s podcasts are ranked #25 in America’s top 100 podcasts and #1 in the personal and development field.)

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The Growing Importance of Soft Skills

Todd Smith — Tue, 08 Feb 2011 08:45:43 +0000

We are living in an era of constant change. Because businesses are becoming less dictatorial and more social, the understanding and value of soft skills to an organization are growing daily.

In Top 10 Soft Skills to Master, I touched on a couple reasons why soft skills are important, but those were just the tip of the iceberg. The more I look at the distinguishing traits of people who are advancing their careers, the more convinced I am that soft skills are more important today than ever before.

Soft Skills versus Hard Skills

“Soft skills” is a term relating to a collection of personal, positive attributes and competencies that enhance your relationships, job performance, and value to the market.

Soft skills include your ability to listen well, communicate effectively, be positive, handle conflict, accept responsibility, show respect, build trust, work well with others, manage time effectively, accept criticism, work under pressure, be likable, and demonstrate good manners.

“Hard skills” are specific, trainable abilities necessary to carry out the professional or technical requirements of a job or occupation.

Hard skills would include knowledge, machine operation, computer procedures, safety standards, financial systems, technical analysis, and sales administration. Unlike soft skills, hard skills are typically easy to observe, quantify, and measure.

Let me give you an example of the two kinds of skills. If you listened to the Super Bowl on Sunday, you would have heard comments made about Walter Payton and the award given in his honor. Payton is remembered as the most prolific running back in the history of American football, but he was also known for his kind, compassionate, and humorous character.

“Sweetness” became Payton’s nickname early in his career, and the announcers mentioned it on Sunday. In addition to his “hard” football skills, his “soft” personality skills won him an enduring reputation.

Soft Skills in the Work Place

More and more corporations around the world recognize that, in order to gain a competitive advantage, they need to make sure their people know how to handle themselves at work and how to relate with their customers and peers.

It’s often said that hard skills will get you an interview but you need soft skills to get and keep the job. It’s no longer enough to be an expert in a field of knowledge. Competition is fierce; it’s your soft skills that make you stand out.

If you’re in sales, soft skills are critical for survival. As a Realtor, 92% of all sellers to whom I presented my services selected me over my competitors. It was my soft skills that were responsible for this success.

Soft skills aren’t just important in the obvious positions that deal with customers. They are important for every person in an organization. Take IT professionals as an example. When they acquire soft skills, better relationships are built between other business units resulting in increased productivity.

Look at the people at the top in your profession and ask yourself, “Is it their hard skills or soft skills that got them to the top?” If you define their personal brand, you will quickly realize that the people at the top of the pay scale are those who excel in their soft skills.

Soft Skills Have Broad Application

Developing interpersonal skills affects all of your life—far beyond your career.

Your relationship with your spouse, children, and friends will deepen.
You will attract like-minded people into your life.
You will gain people’s respect and admiration.
Your example will teach others how they can be more successful.
You will feel that you have more control of your life.

In addition to the long list of ways your life will be enhanced, you will be making this world a better place. Never under estimate the impact your positive example can have on people’s lives, both directly and indirectly.

Building Soft Skills

The time you spend developing your soft skills will never be wasted. Even if you change careers five times, the soft skills you learn today can always be used to set you apart in whatever you do with your life.

I want to challenge each of you to start focusing on your soft skills. Here are some simple ways to get started.

1. Start doing the little things you already know you should do. You know many of the things you should be doing to develop better relationships, increase your productivity, and be more responsible. So do them.

2. Become a keen observer of others. If Joe got the promotion over Pete, identify the reasons. When you are drawn to someone, ask yourself why. When you begin to trust someone, pinpoint the reasons. If you received excellent service from someone, think about what this person did that impressed you. There is a lot you can learn by watching others.

3. Start living in a state of awareness. Turn off autopilot and start making conscious decisions as you move through your day, especially when interacting with other people. Positive change begins with awareness.

4. Become a student of personal and professional success. If you have a genuine desire to improve your soft skills, start consuming content on the subject. Most of the content in my book and this blog pertains to your soft skills. Start by reading Top 10 Soft Skills to Master in 2011. Check out my favorite resource—Success Magazine.

5. Be intentional every day. Getting better won’t come without effort. While some of the things will come naturally to you, others will require an intentional effort.

The great thing about building your soft skills is that you can acquire them on your own. Regardless of your background, gender or education, developing your soft skills will make you stand out from the crowd in whatever you choose to do.

To advance your life personally or professionally, you must put an emphasis on developing your soft skills.

Click here to visit the site and/or comment on this post.

About the Author: Todd Smith is a successful entrepreneur of 30 years and founder of Little Things Matter. To receive Todd’s lessons, subscribe here. All Todd’s lessons are also available on iTunes as downloadable podcasts. (Todd’s podcasts are ranked #25 in America’s top 100 podcasts and #1 in the personal and development field.)

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Be Present in Your Verbal Communications

Todd Smith — Thu, 20 Jan 2011 09:45:16 +0000

Our relationships influence every area of our lives. From the friends we attract to the promotions we receive, all of our personal and professional success is built on relationships. This is why it is critical that we do the little things that nourish and strengthen our relationships with others.

Every day we interact with people. During these conversations, it is important that we be fully present and give people our undivided attention. If we aren’t careful, we can be distracted and run the risk of being viewed as rude, inconsiderate, and disrespectful.

Ten Subtle Ways to Be Present During a Conversation.

Using Electronic Devices

1. Avoid multitasking when on the phone. People aren’t stupid; they can tell when we are trying to do several jobs simultaneously. There are very few things that are a greater turn-off to me than when I am talking on the phone with people who are distracted because they are trying to multitask. When this happens, I pause and tell them I will wait until they are finished.

2. Don’t answer the phone when speaking with someone. During a conversation, whether it’s in-person or over the phone, we should resist the temptation to answer an incoming call. When we do answer the phone, we are implying that this call is more important than they are. The only exception for me is if it’s my wife or an urgent call I was expecting. During these rare occurrences, I apologize and quickly resume our conversation.

3. Avoid scanning your phone for messages. When we are with people and pull out our mobile devices to scan for messages, we are basically saying, “I’m done talking with you, let me see what else I have going on.” When this is done in meetings, we are saying, “This discussion is of no interest to me, what else can I accomplish while I sit through this boring presentation.”

4. Take out the Bluetooth device when having in-person conversations. Remove your ear device and give your full attention to the person with whom you are speaking. Don’t make people think you are waiting for your phone to ring, or that you are trying to listen to someone else.

5. Give your full attention to the person speaking. A friend told me of his experience with this very subject. He said, “I knocked on my daughter’s door to talk with her about something important. She kept one eye on her computer while we talked and acted like she wanted me to hurry up and leave. I have seen this in the workplace and probably have done this or worse myself in the past.” Ouch! His comment hit me right between the eyes because I am just as guilty as his daughter. Don’t let the computer or the television destroy your communication.

Concerning Daily Encounters

6. Avoid looking over people’s shoulders at social events. Have you ever been engaged in a conversation with someone who kept looking over your shoulder at other people? How did it make you feel? When we are in the middle of a conversation with people, let’s give them our full attention and use self-control not to look around.

7. Keep your body language involved in the conversation. This past week I attended several group meetings. Some were in a boardroom, some at dinner, and others in small group settings. In each meeting I could tell who had an interest in the topic and who didn’t. During a very important discussion, one gal made it clear through her body language that she wasn’t interested. I’m certain that she had no clue as to the signs she was giving off, but they were obvious to those of us involved.

8. Strive to be present in both body and mind in every conversation.

My wife has accused me more than once of not being mentally present when she has been talking. In our fast-paced world, it’s easy for our minds to wander off, especially if the topic is not of personal interest. To avoid this, be intentional about giving those people with whom you are conversing your full attention.

9. Pause and focus on the person you are greeting. Have you ever been introduced to someone at a social event or business meeting who seemed totally preoccupied with some activity beyond you? Remember how you felt the next time you meet someone. Take 5–10 seconds to smile, make eye contact, repeat his/her name, and offer a sincere greeting.

10. Acknowledge people. Take yourself off autopilot and be intentional about acknowledging people wherever you are. If you are an introvert, like me, this requires an extra effort. Whether it’s your fellow students, co-workers, or neighbors, show people they are important by smiling, saying hi, waving or whatever is appropriate.

When we intentionally give our full attention to those with whom we are interacting, we show through our actions that they are valued and important. When we show respect to people in this manner, our relationships improve, we feel better about ourselves and our value to the market grows.

Let me encourage you to be intentional to give 100% of your attention to those with whom you are speaking.

There is no better way to show your interest in people than by giving them your undivided attention.

Click here to visit the site and/or comment on this post.

About the Author: Todd Smith is a successful entrepreneur of 30 years and founder of Little Things Matter. To receive Todd’s lessons, subscribe here. All Todd’s lessons are also available on iTunes as downloadable podcasts. (Todd’s podcasts are ranked #24 in America’s top 100 podcasts and #1 in the personal and development field.)

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Decision Point: How to Respond to Negative Emails

Todd Smith — Thu, 13 Jan 2011 09:45:45 +0000

Over the past year, I have focused on writing posts teaching people the little things they can do to achieve greater personal and professional success.

A respected friend, Don Yoakum, challenged me to write about what he calls “Decision Points”—real-life examples of how I make my decisions and implement these lessons into my life.

Yesterday, I received a demand email from the treasurer of the homeowners association where I own an investment property. It went like this:

Hi All,

The Homeowners Dues are due by Jan 15^th. Any payment after that will be subject to a late fee and interest as per our Rules and Regulations docs.

Please drop off or send your dues of $1200.00 for the year or . . .

My immediate reaction was negative. I thought, “How can you send me an email telling me I need to stop everything and cut you a check. You never sent me an invoice! Now, if I don’t write a check immediately, you are going to charge me a late fee and interest.”

My human side wanted to respond with the following email. (I must admit my human side has done this type of thing too many times.)

Sue,

Why are you sending this late notice demanding an immediate payment without prior notice? I will pay this bill when I pay all other bills on the 25^th of the month.

Todd

This type of email would have likely aggravated Sue and put her in a defensive position. She may have then sent me a demand email raising my blood pressure resulting in another round of negative emails.

I then thought, she’s a volunteer as part of the association doing the best she can. What good could come from sending her such an email?

Instead, I said to myself, I will treat her with respect and kindness and ask permission to pay this bill when I pay all my other bills. Here is the email I sent her:

Hi Sue,

I hope you are doing well. My tenants said they really like you.

This is the first notice I have received in reference to our annual fees. Did I overlook one?

Would you please allow me to pay this on the 25th, which is the date I pay my current bills each month?

I hope you have a great 2011.

Todd

Here was her response:

Hi Todd,

That’s not a problem. No, you did not overlook anything. I was away and because we changed secretaries the annual notice was never sent.

Your tenants are nice folk, too. I think everyone is settling in.

If you can get it to me before the 28th so I can deposit before the end of the month that would be great.

Happy New Year.

Sue

Here are the take-a-ways:

1. When you react negatively to a situation, it has a negative impact on your attitude. When I changed how I was going to respond, my attitude went from being negative to positive in just a few seconds. Remember, where your attention goes, so goes your emotional energy.

2. When I made the DECISION to send a friendly email, I felt better about myself. (I have sent negative emails in the past and not one of them made me feel proud.) When you do things that are right and good, you feel better about yourself.

3. From previous experiences, I know that if I had sent the negative email, I would have remained irritated after sending it, which would have been a waste of my time and emotional energy. When I sent the polite email, I continued on with my day and didn’t think about it again until I got her kind response.

If I had I sent the thoughtless email, I would no doubt recall the depressing experience the next time I saw her name in my email inbox. I would have avoided opening and reading her email until I was in a mental position to deal with the issue.

4. My relationship with her would have been damaged unnecessarily had I sent the negative email and her impression of me would have been tarnished. She might have also sent my email to the board members, asking how she should respond, which would have branded me poorly in all their eyes as well.

The next time someone does something that aggravates you, remember how you respond is your choice. The decision is yours alone. You can respond negatively, pick a fight, and suffer the consequences. Or, you can choose to be kind, considerate, and respectful, and then enjoy the positive feelings of knowing you did the right thing.

Have you had similar experiences? If so, share them in the comments sections below.

The words in your emails say a lot about you and have the power to build up or tear down relationships.

About the Author: Todd Smith is a successful entrepreneur of 30 years and founder of Little Things Matter. To receive Todd’s lessons, subscribe here. All Todd’s lessons are also available on iTunes as downloadable podcasts. (Todd’s podcasts are ranked #27 in America’s top 100 podcasts and #1 in the personal and development field.)

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12 Ways to Make Holiday Dinners Happy Events

Todd Smith — Thu, 23 Dec 2010 09:45:43 +0000

Since you will be celebrating Christmas and New Years during the next two weekends with family and friends, I want to give you a few timely reminders on what I call party etiquette. When my family makes sure to do these things at other people’s homes, our efforts are noticed and appreciated.

Consider these 12 little things when you’re invited to someone’s home this holiday season.

1. RSVP—When you receive an invitation to an event, make it a priority to respond to the invitation ASAP even if you cannot attend. When people send invitations they expect a response in a timely manner. Don’t let your name appear on the unconfirmed list and have your host continue to wonder whether or not you are coming.

2. Offer to come early—If you have ever hosted an event at your home, you know the amount of planning and preparation that goes into making it special for everyone. If the people hosting the event are close friends or family, offer to come early to help with the set up. Even if they don’t accept your offer, they will appreciate your asking.

3. Call to see if they need anything—When attending a party with family or close friends, give the host a call before you leave your home and ask if there is anything you can pick up on the way. (A bag of ice or coffee creamer is often needed.) It’s a nice way to show you care and are willing to help.

4. Arrive on time—Always strive to show up on time for personal gatherings. If it’s a dinner engagement, you certainly don’t want to be the person everyone’s waiting for while the food grows cold. Being on time shows your respect for their schedule. At the same time, don’t come early or you may catch your host unprepared for your early arrival.

5. Take a hostess gift—When you are invited to attend a party or dinner engagement at someone’s home, it’s a nice practice to take a little gift for the host/hostess. It could be wine, candy or a fruitcake, an inspirational book, an inexpensive floral arrangement, or something as simple as a card. A little gift shows your appreciation for the effort put into the event and for being included.

6. Lend a helping hand—When you arrive, ask if there is anything you can do to help. Often there are last minute things that need to be done and your offer will be appreciated. If there’s nothing to do, you can bet your offer will make an impression.

7. Be friendly—Make it a point to meet and greet each guest. A warm smile, a firm handshake if appropriate, and a comment of personal interest as you repeat his or her name will help everyone feel welcome.

8. Participate in conversation—Be a respectful listener and observer. When others are speaking, focus your attention on the person talking. Don’t interrupt. Don’t be too quick to jump into the conversation, but do participate.

If negative or critical comments are made, try to redirect the discussion. Be the voice of reason and encourage others to focus on the positives and not the negatives. These parties should be a time to celebrate and have fun.

9. Control your alcoholic drinking—While this seems like common sense, I have seen countless people make fools of themselves by over-drinking at parties. Make the decision in advance as to how many drinks you are going to have and then use your self-control to keep from having even one more.

10. Pitch in unasked—When you attend events with family and “close” friends, look for the things you can do without being asked. It could be picking up glasses laying around or taking out the trash that is overflowing. My wife and I have always appreciated those who pitched in to help without having to be asked. Just don’t overdo it or your host may feel uncomfortable.

11. Help clean up—If you attend a party at someone’s home, offer to help with the clean up. If they decline your offer, simply say, “I would enjoy helping you clean up. Would you please allow me to help you?” When they accept your offer, help them clean up until the job is finished or until your host wants to take a break. If they decline your help because they would rather continue the conversation in another room, ask them again when the party is over.

12. Express appreciation—Tell your host and hostess how much you enjoyed the party, the meal, the fellowship. Thank them for including you in the gathering. Later, send a thank-you note.

Do you have any tips? If so, share them in the comments section below this post.

I want to wish all of you a very Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year. I hope each of you have a memorable weekend with your friends and family. Because I will be spending time with my family next week, my next post will be the first Tuesday in January.

Often times it’s the simple acts of thoughtfulness that bring joy to others on these special occasions.

Click here to visit the site and/or comment on this post.

About the Author: Todd Smith is a successful entrepreneur of 30 years and founder of Little Things Matter. To receive Todd’s lessons, subscribe here. All Todd’s lessons are also available on iTunes as downloadable podcasts. (Todd’s podcasts are ranked #27 in America’s top 100 podcasts and #1 in the personal and development field.)

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Top 10 Soft Skills to Master

Todd Smith — Tue, 21 Dec 2010 09:45:54 +0000

Soft skills is a term relating to a cluster of personal attributes that characterize relationships with other people, such as social graces, communication, cooperation, honesty, respect, responsibility, friendliness, and optimism.

Because companies are becoming more process and system driven and because job competition has increased at all levels, there has never been a time when soft skills offer more value to the market than they do today.

As a growing number of people with similar talents and education compete for the same jobs, promotions, and clients, soft skills become the differentiating factor separating one person from another. The little things you’ve been learning about in this blog now matter more than ever.

In writing this post I made a list of my top 50 soft skills; I then slowly and painful reduced that list to my top 10. As you read each skill, I challenge you to look in the mirror of truth and do an honest evaluation.

If you have the desire to improve a specific skill, click the title link and learn more about that skill and the benefits of mastering it. Make 2011 the year you take your people skills to a new level.

1. The Art of Listening. If your family, friends, and colleagues were asked to rank your listening skills, what would they say? Do you interrupt? Do you try to control the conversation? Do you ask questions showing a genuine interest in what people are saying?

Being an attentive listener is one of the most important skills you can master, especially in this fast-paced world where everyone wants to talk and few have the patience to listen. Be intentional this next year to listen more and talk less.

2. Cell Phone Etiquette. A friend told me about his colleague, a Realtor, who landed a $6,900,000 listing. As he was leaving the seller’s home, he causally asked why he had been selected over the other four Realtors. The seller said, “You were the only one who did not check your cell phone during the appointment.” The Realtor ended up selling the home, earning over $300K.

Cell phone addiction is out of control. This next year, challenge yourself to show respect when using your phone, both at work and at home.

3. Show More Respect. People’s tolerance for being disrespected is as low as I have ever seen it. The days of advancing careers by stepping on the toes of co-workers are over. People deserve to be treated with respect and are now demanding it.

Look for the little things you can do to show more respect to others. This includes the teller at the bank. Treat people as human beings and not as pawns on your chess board. As you treat others with greater respect, they will admire you and so will the people who witness your actions.

4. Authenticity. Because many people are less trusting than they have ever been and others are tired of being around people who are not genuine and real, there is a powerful trend towards authenticity.

Being authentic is when you are not trying to impress others nor are you acting like someone you are not. The authenticity I am referring to makes people comfortable, relaxed, and enjoy your presence.

5. Show Interest in Others. How frequently do people show a genuine interest in you, your ideas, or interests? When was the last time a friend called you (without an agenda) just to see how you are doing? If your life is like mine, it doesn’t happen frequently.

Slow down and show an interest in those whose relationship you value. As you do, you will stand out from all the superficial relationships as someone who cares about others.

6. Verbal Communication. According to a new research report by Kelly Services the traits individuals identify as the most important in creating their personal brands were their verbal communication skills. This includes such things as being friendly, clear, concise, confident, humble, and positive in the way you speak with others.

How you communicate with others verbally plays a defining role in how you are viewed. Think before you speak and take pride in the way you interact with others.

7. Become More Responsible. As the speed of life has accelerated, so has the number of people are who are neglecting to do the things that are expected of them, including being late for appointments, failing to return calls and emails, and not completing projects on time.

Being responsible also includes admitting when you have made a mistake and accepting responsibility for your actions and decisions. Let today be the day that you stop making excuses and start doing the little things that are expected of you.

8. Make Your Appearance an Asset. Very few things are more powerful in creating your brand than the visual imprint you make in people’s minds. When you take pride in your appearance, it makes you look good, it helps you feel good, and it increases your influence with others.

I have learned that, when it comes to appearance, it’s all about the little things. From the way your hair is combed, to the style of clothes you wear and the shine on your shoes—it all makes an impression on others.

9. Control Your Emotional Energy. Most of what I hear going on today is negative. It’s like the recession has given everyone a free pass to find fault with everything. Whining and complaining have become a part of most conversations.

Leaders and employers know they can’t build a business when their people are focused on negative issues. It only takes one negative person to impact the atmosphere of an entire office; therefore, they are hiring and rewarding people who have a positive influence in their work environment.

Remember, where your attention goes, so goes your energy and attitude. Make a commitment to start focusing on positives and avoid the complainers who are dragging you down.

10. Your Email Brand. Every email you send makes a small, but noticeable impression on others. The accumulation of these impressions forms your brand. Think about your goals and consider the person you need to become to achieve your goals. I encourage you to read the Email Tips Report and focus on improving your email brand.

George Gurney, a leader in the employment industry since 1976, said, “When it comes to job offers, the soft skills determine who gets the job. After many years of recruiting, I know for a fact that when all the candidates’ work experience, education, and hard skills are equal, the candidate with the best soft skills will win! . . . Soft skills can be best defined as the quality of a person’s charisma. ”

Let me challenge you to take inventory of your own soft skills. Make note of those you need to develop into strong and winning assets and then commit to working on them.

Improving your soft skills will have a positive impact on every part of your life.

About the Author: Todd Smith is a successful entrepreneur of 30 years and founder of Little Things Matter. To receive Todd’s lessons, subscribe here. All Todd’s lessons are also available on iTunes as downloadable podcasts. (Todd’s podcasts are ranked #27 in America’s top 100 podcasts and #1 in the personal and development field.)

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