Little Things Matter &#187; Confidence

Who Do I Have To Become To Get What I Want?

The Power of Showing Your Appreciation

10 Simple Ways to Show Your Sincere Interest in Others

What Will Be Your Legacy?

10 Ways To Be A Good Listener

The Most Important of All Human Qualities

Living Beyond Ourselves

How to Move Up The Pay Scale

The Power of The Word “Please”

I’m Sorry!

One of The Most Powerful Things You Can Say

25 Unexpected Ways to Make Someone’s Day

Be Open to the Ideas of Others

Taking a Good Look in the Mirror of Truth

It’s a Small World

Building Trust Through Confidentiality

Todd Smith — Tue, 24 Aug 2010 07:45:46 +0000

Pssst. Can you keep a secret? How do you react when you hear these words uttered in a hushed tone? Do you feel important that you are about to be trusted with confidential information, or do you wonder if it’s gossip that you don’t want to hear?

In addition to ensuring that you don’t participate in matters that don’t concern you, it’s even more important to keep any confidence that you have been entrusted with by someone else. You can’t expect to advance personally or professionally if you betray the trust someone has placed in you.

Today’s lesson may prick your conscience; however, my hope is that you will see the immense value in learning the importance of keeping things confidential that should be private and secret.

The Link Between Trust and Confidentiality

When you earn the reputation of someone who can be relied on, you command the respect and trust of people around you and build deeper friendships. In business, trustworthy people are more likely to sell more products, built a larger customer base, receive more raises, and enjoy earlier promotions.

One of the most common, telltale signs of someone who cannot be trusted with confidential information is the person who is says, “So-and-so told me this in confidence, but I know you won’t say anything.”

While you may feel special that this person trusts you, what about the person whose information they promised not to divulge? Personally, I would think twice about sharing my own sensitive information with this person. In short, I would not trust someone who was telling me other people’s secrets.

Respecting and Keeping Confidences

Are you someone who can be trusted with private and confidential information? To gauge your trustworthiness in this area, ask yourself how likely you would be to share any of the following:

1. You are on a business trip and having some drinks after hours. A colleague overindulges and ends up passing out in the lobby after a series of pretty funny antics. Do you share this story back at the office?

2. A partner decides to go his own way and leaves you hanging. You’ve been through a lot together and have plenty of information that could negatively influence his reputation. Do you leak this information?

3. You and your spouse had a real blowout. Do you vent to your friends?

These situations are examples of implied confidentiality. In each case, no one is explicitly asked not to say anything, but clearly the right thing to do is to keep these things in confidence. There’s quite a bit at stake for the person at the center of each situation. Careers, reputations, and relationships could be irreparably damaged.

Here are a few tips when it comes to keeping confidences:

Never share information that you have been asked to keep confidential.

Use your judgment when it comes to matters of implied confidentiality.

Keep things confidential that were intended to be confidential even if a relationship breaks down.

Do not vent your private marital or relationship issues with your friends. This will cause them to view your spouse or significant other differently, probably negatively.

When someone says, “I was asked to keep this in confidence, but I can share it with you,” let them know that you’d rather not be involved.

The next time you consider sharing information, be sure to ask yourself if there is a chance that the person who shared the information with you would like it kept confidential. If that is the case, don’t share it.

As in most matters, there are exceptions to keeping confidences, such as when someone’s health or well-being is at risk. Don’t take the oath of secrecy so far that you let someone continue to endanger themselves or someone else.

Are you willing to make a commitment to never share anything that should be kept confidential? It’s not an easy commitment, but remember that your decision to share or not to share will affect how others view you.

When you keep things confidential that should be confidential, you will gain the reputation as a person who can be trusted, and you will grow strong in character and value.

Responsibility Reflects Character

Is Your Word Really Your Bond?

Do You Get Defensive?

What’s in Your Rulebook?

Taking a Good Look in the Mirror of Truth

The Most Important of All Human Qualities

To Earn Respect You Must Show Respect

There Are Always Two Sides to Every Story

Our Lives are a Mirror Image of the Little Decisions we Make

What’s Your Value to the Market?

12 Attributes, Values and Skills of a 360-degree Leader

The Value of Being Clear and Concise in Your Communications

How to Move Up The Pay Scale

Carefully Select the People who Influence Your Life

Do You Say Things You Later Regret?

I’m Sorry!

Don’t Try to Solve a Problem That Isn’t Yours

10 Reasons Your Weight Matters

Todd Smith — Fri, 13 Aug 2010 07:45:57 +0000

While I recognize that weight control is a sensitive subject, it would be irresponsible of me to have a blog teaching you the little things that will help you enjoy greater success and fulfillment but neglect this important subject. Please know I care about each of you and would never want to hurt you. I share this type of information because your weight does matter.

Because our weight is primarily dependent on what and how much we eat, how frequently we eat, and how much exercise we get, it’s essential to recognize that for most of us, our weight is a choice. Even if it’s harder for you than most people to lose weight, it doesn’t change the fact that it is a choice.

I also want to acknowledge that for some people it doesn’t matter what they eat or how frequently they exercise, they just aren’t able to lose weight. Reasons could range from genes to endocrine disorders and from medications to psychiatric illness. We should all be sensitive to the fact that losing weight is not a simple choice for everyone. I know this for a fact because I have a couple close friends who fall into this category.

Based on my 20 years in the health and wellness field, I have compiled what I have learned from working with thousands of people who have testified to the benefits of getting their weight under control. Although there are many more reasons your weight matters, I have listed the ten reasons most commonly reported and widely accepted.

Ten Reasons Your Weight Matters

1. Your health will improve.

There are literally 101 health benefits of maintaining an optimal weight. This list includes simple things like reduced stress on bones and joints to more serious problems like sleep apnea, high blood pressure and heart disease.

Here are some of the most severe and prevalent life-threatening illnesses correlated with obesity:

80% of type II diabetes is related to obesity
70% of cardiovascular disease is related to obesity
42% of breast and colon cancer is related to obesity
30% of gall bladder surgery is related to obesity

2. Your life expectancy will increase
We were not designed to carry excess weight. Our bodies do not function at optimal levels when we have added surplus pounds. An Oxford University study analyzed nearly one million people from around the world and found that obesity can trim as much as ten years off your life. This ten-year loss is equal to the effects of lifelong smoking.

3. You will be a better example to your children.

According to the center for disease control (CDC), obesity has increased 74% in the last 15 years. Today 27% of all children are obese. For children, obesity suppresses growth hormone, which is responsible for bone growth, organ growth, and muscle growth. This has huge implications on the health of our world’s children. If you make it a priority to get your weight under control by changing your family’s diet and exercising, you will be setting an example for your children to follow.

4. You will have more energy.

Whether you attribute it to an increased metabolic rate that comes from exercise, improved sleep, or the absence of sluggishness, people who effectively control their weight report more energy.

5. You will experience greater self-esteem.

With rare exception, the No.1 thing I sense from people who have lost weight is an increase in their self-esteem. They smile more. They are happier. They are proud of themselves. Looking good physically equals feeling good mentally and emotionally. When we employ the discipline required to get our weight under control, we feel great about ourselves—and rightly so!

6. You will be more confident.

Confidence may start on the inside, but it definitely shows on the outside. Because weight control is difficult, people who experience success in this area show it in the way they walk and talk, as well as in the way they look and interact with people.

7. You will have more personal initiative.

Success breeds success. Accomplishing something big—like getting your weight under control—naturally builds your confidence. When you combine improved self-esteem, self-confidence, and increased energy you will feel like you can tackle anything.

8. You will enjoy an enhanced quality of life.

By most people’s standards, an active lifestyle is more enjoyable than a sedentary lifestyle. Excessive weight often limits us from getting out in the world and doing the things we enjoy. Some of the most exciting weight loss stories I hear people share are the things they are now able to do that they couldn’t do before.

9. You will be held in higher regard.

The negative characteristics commonly associated with being overweight—whether perceived or real—are no longer an obstacle when your weight is under control.
One study done by Yale University quantified the stigma that people attach to overweight and obese individuals. Their research revealed negative stigmatization of obese individuals on the part of managers, teachers, doctors, and nurses as well as friends and family, and even dietary professionals.

10. Your value to the market will increase.

Regardless of whether or not we agree with it, weight discrimination is a reality. Whether two candidates are vying for a new job or promotion or two sales people are competing for the sale, with all other factors equal, the person whose weight is under control will often have the advantage. Furthermore, studies have demonstrated a correlation between obesity and lower earnings for both men and women.

Resolve to Take Control

One of the most powerful emotions that brings about change is resolve. It’s what gives you the determination to change when you have had enough. It’s when deep inside you say with grit and determination, “I’ve had it!” It’s the time when you say, “It’s over; I am going to change this area of my life. I know it won’t be easy, but I AM GOING TO DO IT.”

Are you ready to take control of your weight? Here are seven steps to get you started.

Make better food choices. You know the foods you should and shouldn’t be eating. If you don’t know, make it a point to educate yourself.
Drink water. Avoid drinks with chemical additives like sodas as well as drinks that contain high amounts of liquid carbohydrates.
Find an exercise you enjoy—even if it’s as simple as walking and do it regularly.
Don’t eat between meals. This is prime fat burning time. If you absolutely must snack, keep it healthy.
Increase your dietary fiber intake to a minimum of 28 grams a day.
Don’t overeat.
Avoid desserts.

If you are having difficulty losing weight, tell your healthcare provider. There are tests that can be run to identify the problem.

What kinds of setbacks or limitations (life, health, career, etc.) have you experienced personally or observed of others when it comes to weight? Please share your experience in the comment section below this post.

Let today be the day you make the decision that enough is enough and that you are going to learn what you need to do to get your weight under control.

Formula for Success

Your Greatest Obstacle

11 Ways to Increase Your Discipline

The Hidden Benefit of Discipline

Our Lives are a Mirror Image of the Little Decisions we Make

What’s Your Value to the Market?

Make Your Appearance an Asset

What Will Be Your Legacy?

Believe That You Can

I Said It And I Meant It!

Learn to Enjoy What You Don’t Enjoy

What Is Easy to Do Is Easy Not to Do

The Power of Personal Initiative

How to Accept Compliments

Todd Smith — Thu, 12 Aug 2010 07:45:00 +0000

From a very young age, all of us were taught how to accept a gift: say thank you, say something nice about the gift and, above all, don’t say you don’t like it (even if you don’t) because that will hurt the feelings of the giver.

This advice is as good today as it was when you were five years old. It still applies whenever you receive a gift—and that includes the gift of a compliment.

Graciously accepting a compliment in any setting is not only good manners, it’s a sign of someone who is confident and self-assured. It’s also a way to build rapport by acknowledging the compliment paid.

Today’s lesson on accepting compliments will help you see that this little thing can be a huge boost to your reputation.

A Social Skill Worth Doing Well

There are a number of theories as to why people have a hard time accepting compliments. Reasons range from wanting to appear modest or not feeling as if the compliment is deserved to doubting the sincerity of the person giving the compliment.

What you may not realize, however, is that rejecting, deflecting, or not properly acknowledging a compliment creates a negative impression for three specific reasons.

1. Discounts the intentions of the person giving the compliment
2. Sends the message that you think the giver’s opinion is flawed
3. Suggests that you don’t value your own abilities or talents

Remember that everybody is busy. We all have our own concerns to look after, so when someone takes notice of something we’ve done well and makes an effort to tell us, we owe it to them to acknowledge their thoughtfulness.

Do You Recognize a Compliment When You Hear One?

Defined as an expression of praise, commendation, or admiration, compliments should be pretty easy to recognize, but can be tough to spot when we’re focused on ourselves. Here are two examples:

“Have you lost weight, Mary? You look terrific!”

“It must be the outfit.”

Mary is sending a message that she’s self conscious about her weight and/or she doesn’t deserve credit for her efforts.

“I’m really happy with the way you handled yourself on that call, Bill.”

“Yea, but I wish I would have remembered to tell them about the discount.

Bill is sending a message that he doesn’t think he’s good enough and that he is not able to see the potential benefit that may come from his contribution.

Responding to a Compliment

These two examples may seem obvious, but remember that compliments come in many forms. Whatever the situation, there is a proper way to acknowledge praise, commendation, or admiration.

Make eye contact. Acknowledging a compliment is a perfect time to connect with someone. Look the person in the eye when you respond. Doing so communicates sincerity and self-confidence.

Say, “Thank you.” A sincere, unhurried ‘thank you’ along with a smile and eye contact is more often than not all that is necessary.

Don’t explain anything. If you feel moved, you can follow your ‘thank you’ with something positive. Doing so communicates desirable character traits such as friendliness and positivity. Caution: If you can’t keep it brief and will be tempted to explain or rationalize your action or accomplishment, leave it at a simple ‘thank you.’

Here’s how it might sound if Mary and Bill put this advice into practice:

“Have you lost weight, Mary? You look terrific!”

Thanks, Barb. I feel great, too.

“I’m really happy with the way you handled yourself on that call, Bill.”

Thank you, Jim. I appreciate the feedback.

Quite a difference, wouldn’t you say? My challenge for you today is three-fold:

1. Listen for compliments given to others as you go about your business over the next week. How many times do you hear people rejecting or ignoring a compliment they receive?
2. Give more compliments than you normally would. Notice the responses people give.
3. Finally, put today’s advice into practice the very next time you receive a compliment.

Acknowledging a compliment paid is a simple, yet very effective way to make a positive impression and build a favorable reputation.

The Power of Showing Your Appreciation

10 Simple Ways to Show Your Sincere Interest in Others

Living Beyond Ourselves

36 Ways to Make a Positive Impression in Less Than 10 Seconds

20 Tips for Positive Group Interactions

Do You Say Things You Later Regret?

25 Unexpected Ways to Make Someone’s Day

The Power of The Word “Please”

Praise or Criticize? When and Where?

The Ripple Effect of a Smile

Hope Is Alive

Todd Smith — Fri, 06 Aug 2010 07:45:31 +0000

Daniel Eugene “Rudy” Ruettiger was born on August 23, 1948, into a lower-middle class family. He struggled academically because he was dyslexic, but he excelled in football, leading his high school team in tackles during his junior and senior years at Joliet Catholic Academy.

Rudy had a dream of attending Notre Dame and playing for The Fighting Irish football team despite his poor academic record and being only 5 ft. 6 in. and weighing 165 lbs.

After serving in the United States Navy for four years, he applied for entrance to Notre Dame. In spite of three rejections and much ridicule from family, Rudy never gave up hope.

First he had to do his early college work at Holy Cross College. In the fall of 1974 he was finally accepted as a student at Notre Dame. Rudy earned a place on the scout team—a practice squad that helps the varsity team practice for games. However, he never gave up hope of playing on the varsity team.

In the final home game of Rudy’s senior season, Coach Devine asked him to dress in the varsity uniform, #45. With 32 seconds left to play in the game against Georgia Tech, Coach sent Rudy in and, on the final play, Rudy sacked the Georgia Tech quarterback. With his dream realized, Rudy was ecstatic as his teammates carried him off the field.

Understanding Hope

Life can become very complicated, but hope is simple. Hope is an attitude. It is born of an internal optimistic belief that the best outcome will occur regardless of circumstances.

Hope is elusive and intangible. It cannot be seen, heard, touched, tasted, or smelled, but it can be felt. It’s a feeling that what you want can be had or that events will turn out for the best.

Hope can endure through difficult times. And the results are evident as they were in the life of Rudy.

Hope is a mindset or way of thinking. You have no doubt heard the story of the two prisoners. Both looked out of their prison bars. One saw mud; the other saw stars.

I believe that hope is the foundation for success; it’s a choice you make that allows you to look forward to something with desire and confidence. Christopher Reeve said, “Once you choose to hope, anything’s possible.” This is the hope that I seek and that I encourage you to as well.

Recognizing Enemies of Hope

Doubts, fears, pessimism, and disappointments in life can appear like mountains and will rob you of hope.

Napoleon Hill said, “All down through the road of life you will meet with obstacles, many of them. Failure will overtake you time after time, but remember that it is a part of Nature’s method to place obstacles and failure in your way, as hurdles are placed before a horse that is being trained, that you may learn from these, some of the greatest of all lessons.”

In other words, when we live with the understanding that difficult times are meant to be endured and that we stand to gain from every trial, we can withstand nearly anything knowing that day always follows night and that the sun will shine again.

“If you lose hope, somehow you lose the vitality that keeps life moving, you lose that courage to be, that quality that helps you go on in spite of it all. And so I still have a dream.” Martin Luther King, Jr.

Building Your Hope Bank

As I thought about how to best communicate my belief that hope is accessible to everyone, I considered every circumstance I could think of and settled on three essential things that must be present in order to build a bank of hope to draw upon in times of struggle or strife.

1. Create a picture of your future. Consider your goals, your vision, or your life’s dream. Whatever you call it, having an idea of where you see yourself and what you see yourself doing in the future is a powerful way to sustain hope when circumstances are pulling you down. Create this picture, and modify it as you like. It’s all yours.

2. Develop an everyday response mechanism. Life is 10% what happens to you and 90% how you react to it. Or, if you prefer, you are the sky; everything else is just the weather. It changes, you don’t. Therefore, why should the picture of your future change just because the things around you have? While focusing on your goal, make the decisions and take the actions you need to in order to stay on track. Don’t let life’s winds blow you off course!

3. Take time for reflection. Life is busy, can be confusing, and sometimes seems downright unfair. Therefore, it’s essential that we take time on a regular basis to reflect on where we’re at and how we’re doing. When we do, it allows us to keep the bigger picture in mind, make changes where we need to, and not become victims of circumstance.

When you have a clear picture of your ideal future, a way to navigate day-to-day issues, and take time to consider how you’re doing, you are building your ‘hope bank.’

Take a moment right now to assess the value of your own hope bank. If it’s time to make a deposit, spend some time revisiting what it is you want your future to look like. Then, decide what you need to do to take a step closer to it. What are some things you do to keep your hope alive? Tell me in the comment section below this post.

When you have hope and are living an intentional life, things like happiness and optimism, high expectations, and success not only seem achievable, they become inevitable.

It’s A New Day!

Count Your Blessings

Is Your Attitude Helping or Hurting You? (Part 1)

Is Your Attitude Helping or Hurting You? (Part 2)

Is Your Attitude Helping or Hurting You? (Part 3)

10 Ways to Build Your Self-Image (Part 1)

10 Ways to Build Your Self-Image (Part 2)

When Quitting is the Best Decision You Can Make

Are Your Expectations Hurting or Helping You?

Believe That You Can

Enjoy Life’s Journey

Happiness is a Choice

Getting Out of The Rut

Push Yourself

Todd Smith — Mon, 02 Aug 2010 10:29:25 +0000

(Author: Jake Smith, Todd’s son)

I’ve learned that the only way to grow is to push yourself beyond what’s comfortable. I’ve found in my short life that you will not get better by doing what you always do. You have to use your personal initiative to go outside your comfort zone in your pursuit of success.

My First Job

This was reinforced last year when I started looking for my first job. Initially, I thought of two places where I wanted to work, but my dad challenged me to make a list of as many businesses as I could. I went through every option and thought about all the places within five miles of my house. It was a good thing I did because I was only 16 and most employers wouldn’t hire anyone under 18.

Within a week I landed my first interview with Publix Super Markets. I was very nervous! I had never been on an interview before. Would he/she like me? Would I present myself well? These were some of the questions I thought to myself. I remembered to do the little things that my dad had been teaching me such as, smiling, making eye contact, having a firm handshake, and speaking with confidence. Well, it worked; I got the job!

During my initial offsite training, which was also intimidating, I learned my basic responsibilities, which included bagging groceries, retrieving carts, and mopping the floors. I recall my first day on the job. My palms were sweaty. My heart was beating out of my chest. It was a completely new experience for me.

Moving Outside My Comfort Zone

Implementing what I learned combined with the little things my parents had taught me, I began to get better. I was a hard worker and the manager took notice quickly! After working there a few weeks I received compliments from the manager that I was a better worker than some of the kids who had worked there much longer than me.

At this point I was doing a good job with my assigned responsibilities, but there was still room for growth. Being an introvert, I was uncomfortable interacting with customers. My dad challenged me to be friendly with every customer whose groceries I bagged. This was difficult. On a typical 4-5 hour shift, I would bag between 80-100 people’s groceries.

The first day I was friendly and outgoing to two people. The next time it was five people. The next time 10, then 15, then 25. It was still uncomfortable but because I pushed myself to get better it got easier. By the 6^th day, I was friendly to 50 people! It still wasn’t natural but it wasn’t too uncomfortable to ask people how their day was going or talk about the weather!

My Reward

Everyone who knows me knows that I am a quiet and reserved person around strangers. But one of the top cashiers didn’t know me as that person. He told me one day, “You are very good with people.” I never thought in my life I would hear that! It just goes to show that anything is possible if you push yourself beyond what’s comfortable. The improvements I had made definitely gave me a feeling of accomplishment and made me feel better about myself.

In my short work experience, I’ve noticed that the first step outside your comfort zone is by far the hardest. But then it only gets easier! I want to challenge you to find something in your life that you can improve upon. Then push yourself to get better at it! You will be fulfilled and gain confidence as people around you take notice of your development.

“It takes courage to push yourself to places that you have never been before… to test your limits… to break through barriers. And the day came when the risk it took to remain tight inside the bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.” – Anais Nin

Click here to visit the site and/or comment on Jake’s post.

About the Author: Jake Smith is the son of Todd Smith, founder of Little Things Matter. To receive Todd’s daily lessons, subscribe here. All Todd’s lessons are also available on iTunes as downloadable podcasts. (Todd’s podcasts are listed #52 in America’s top 100 podcasts.)

The Uncomfortable Path to Success

How to Get Any Job You Want

Believe That You Can

Carefully Select the People who Influence Your Life

How to Move Up The Pay Scale

Your Greatest Obstacle

Exploring a New World of Possibilities

The Hidden Benefit of Discipline

How Likable are You?

10 Ways to Make a Positive Impression When Greeting People

Who Do I Have To Become To Get What I Want?

What’s Your Value to the Market?

Accelerating Your Success

11 Ways to Increase Your Discipline

The 12 Fastest Ways to Build Rapport (Part 1)

The 12 Fastest Ways to Build Rapport (Part 2)

When It’s Time To Learn, Shut Up And Listen

Make a Good Last Impression

Become Your Greatest Fan

Becoming the Best at What You Do

What Is Easy to Do Is Easy Not to Do

What Distinguishes You?

What We Can All Learn From American Idol

Todd Smith — Thu, 10 Jun 2010 07:45:44 +0000

One of the things I enjoy doing with my family during our designated “family time” is to watch reality television shows. While reality TV has its critics, there are lessons to be learned.

Episodes of Amazing Race, Survivor, Shark Tank, Undercover Boss and American Idol have provided opportunities for thought provoking conversation with my children. Take this past season’s Amazing Race as an example. In one of the episodes, a husband and wife team “ran their mouths” without considering the impressions they were making on the other racers.

During the very next segment of the show, a team in front of this annoyingly team “U turned” the couple. For those of you who don’t watch the show, a U turn results in an extra challenge. Their extra challenge entailed sending and receiving a SOS message using Morse code. Too difficult for the team, they came in last place and were sent home. Does this episode ring a bell for you? Do self-control, character, likability, attitude and respect come to my mind?

American Idol has also supplied me with many lessons to share with my children and none of them have anything to do with singing. Here are three lessons with one common theme, consistently portrayed for nine straight seasons.

Present yourself with confidence

Regardless of age or experience, it is so clear who has confidence and who does not. The performers who presented themselves with confidence, looked confident, acted confident, walked with confidence, sounded confident in their interviews and belted out the songs with confidence.

The judges, from the initial auditions to the finale, stressed the importance of presenting yourself with confidence. Getting “America’s vote” was no different. The contestants with the most confidence were the ones who received the most votes week after week.

The big take-a-way here is that people can intuitively tell if you are confident in what you are doing or saying. Being confident is one thing. Portraying it is another.

A few words of caution. There is a fine line between confidence and arrogance. Arrogant people are easy to identify. They are the ones who can’t stop telling everyone how good they are.

Start to be aware of how you present yourself through email, over the phone and in-person and consider how you can present yourself with more confidence.

Think before you speak

Making it to the top 4, contestant Michael Lynch proudly announced his goal was to make the top three. As soon as I heard his words, I told my family he was done. The judges commented on it as well and America voted him out on the very night his interview was aired.

I have noticed that each season’s top three finalists choose their words carefully. They know America is judging them by not only how well the sing and perform, but also by the things they say on camera.

Just as America is judging these contestants on what they say, the people around you are forming opinions of you based on the things you say. Don’t allow yourself to get sloppy and say things without thinking about them first.

Accept bad news with dignity

Another common trait among the performers revealed itself during the judges’ critiques. The top performers never looked dismayed, discouraged or made excuses when critiqued by the judges. While deep down inside they may have been devastated, you couldn’t tell from their facial expressions or their verbal reactions. They understood the importance of having a “game face” and the importance of accepting constructive criticism.

Coping properly with bad news and being prepared to accept their fate became part of their personal brand. No way would America make someone the next American Idol if they whined, complained or made excuses.

As you go about your daily activities, remember that just as America is instinctively forming opinions of contestants on American Idol based on the way they present themselves, the people in your life are instinctively forming opinions of you based on how you present yourself.

If you will present yourself as a person worthy of getting America’s vote, you will win the respect and praise of those who are watching.

How Likable Are You?

Do You Say Things You Later Regret?

To Earn Respect You Must Show Respect

When It’s Time To Learn, Shut Up And Listen

Is Your Attitude Helping or Hurting You? (Part 3)

Is Your Attitude Helping or Hurting You? (Part 2)

Is Your Attitude Helping or Hurting You? (Part 1)

Become Your Greatest Fan

Todd Smith — Thu, 03 Jun 2010 07:45:49 +0000

We live in a world where it is rare for people to compliment and encourage others. Take a moment to think about your interactions in the last month. I bet you are like most people; you can count your compliments and acknowledgements on one hand.

My straightforward advice then is for you fill those shoes yourself. Don’t depend on others to be your cheerleader. You need to become your greatest fan and supporter.

As you are learning in all of my lessons, there are hundreds of little things that go into achieving your personal best. You just cannot reasonably expect others to know all the little things you are doing each day and recognize you for them.

Speaker and best selling author Brian Tracy said, “You have to put in many, many, many tiny efforts that nobody sees or appreciates before you achieve anything worthwhile.” This is why it is up to you to recognize yourself for even your smallest of efforts.

It’s All About YOU

If you choose to exercise even though you didn’t feel like it, look in the mirror, smile to yourself and say, “great job!”

If you have the propensity to make poor food choices, but today you made a good choice, tell yourself how happy you are about the decision you made.

If you have been going the extra mile to really listen to people and not interrupt, then congratulate yourself on your progress.

If you were proud of the way you handled a difficult situation, spend a few minutes and think about how you are growing as a person.

If you have just achieved a personal goal, go out to your favorite restaurant to celebrate.

If you are working on being more likable and you a leave conversation feeling like you really connected with the other person, then give yourself a high five.

If being friendly does not come natural to you, but today you pushed yourself to smile, make eye contact and say hi to the store clerk, then reflect on the experience and push yourself to keep taking these baby steps each day.

If your co-workers are speaking poorly of someone and while you share their views you withhold your comment, be proud of your restraint.

There are numerous opportunities in the course of a normal day to do things that will make you a better person- a person worthy of achieving your goals. When you do these things, whether small or large, pat yourself on the back and give yourself the confidence to keep pushing.

Please know this is not about being conceited or egotistical. It’s about acknowledging the good things you do and recognizing yourself for them. To me it is pretty simple. If you aren’t saying positive and encouraging things to yourself, it will be hard have a good self-image.

Remember that self-talk influences every aspect of our lives. Positive self-talk translates into positive self-esteem. Negative self-talk does just the opposite. You may want to re-read the posts, The Power of Self-Talk, Being Honest With Ourselves and I Said It and I Meant It to reinforce how you are the one in control of your internal dialog.

Write It Down

If you are struggling with a low self-image, I challenge you to write down everything you do in the course of a day that contributes to making you a better person. Carry a small note pad in your pocket, purse or brief case.

If you open the door for someone, write it down. If you went out of your way to show your appreciation to someone, write it down. If you normally don’t make your bed, but today you did, write it down.

If you pushed yourself outside your comfort zone to make a call you needed to make, write it down. If you took 30 minutes to read a good book, rather than watching TV, write it down. If you smiled and answered the phone with a friendly voice, write it down. If you showed up for the meeting on time and well prepared, write it down.

Set a goal to make a list of at least 10 things a day that you are proud to have accomplished. If you will do this for 21 straight days, I guarantee that you will feel differently about yourself. You will have an improved attitude. You will be happier. You will have more confidence in your abilities. You will be more motivated and inspired to work towards reaching your long-term goals.

Will you take me up on my challenge? Is your how you feel about yourself important enough to make this list for 21 days in a row? If this is the case, don’t go to bed this evening until you have written down 10 positive things, however small they may be.

As I described in my post Accelerating Your Success, your ultimate success will come from the compounding effect of doing all the little things you do on a daily basis to get better.

If you look to others for words of encouragement and praise, you won’t find them. Instead look to yourself.

Our Lives are a Mirror Image of the Little Decisions We Make

It’s a New Day!

The Power of Showing Your Appreciation

Count Your Blessings

Who Do I Have to Become to Get What I Want?

I Said It And I Meant It!

Todd Smith — Wed, 02 Jun 2010 07:45:34 +0000

Think of the last time you exercised and said to yourself, “I can do it” or “I can do three more reps” or “I can go another 10 minutes” with grit and determination. Did your words make you push harder? Did you give your very best effort to achieve your desired outcome?

Now think of an occasion when you said things like “I am tired today” or “I don’t think I can do anymore” or “I can’t go any longer.” What happened? Did this little voice in the back of your mind sound defeated? Were you able to push yourself or did you give up?

The common denominator in both circumstances is your inner voice. Yet the results are dramatically different depending on the nature of your “conversation.” Your statements can either gave you energy to push harder or they can suck the life out of you and cause you to quit.

The Power of Self-Talk post describes how the conversations we have with ourselves influence every part of our lives. If our internal dialog is positive and focuses on our talents, skills and abilities we are encouraged, optimistic and more likely to achieve our goals.

On the other hand, if our thoughts focus on our faults, mistakes, weaknesses, insecurities, or fears, it will be virtually impossible to feel confident and advance our lives forward.

All of this illustrates that what we say to ourselves impacts our emotions, attitude and outlook. Since this internal dialog is so important, how can we use it to help us achieve our personal best?

The answer is simple. Be intentional about saying things to yourself that will help you achieve your desired outcome.

Guiding Statements

Throughout my career I have consistently focused on using what I call guiding statements- statements designed to help direct my thinking.

Here are some examples of the types of guiding statements I say to myself.

If I am working on an important project that must be completed today I will say, “I will get this done today” over and over again throughout the day.
If I am listening to someone and feel I have something important to contribute I will say, “Listen and don’t interrupt.”
If I am getting frustrated or defensive, I will repeat in my mind, “Speak in love.”
If I am thinking about something that is depressing me I will say, “I am not going to think about XX (failure, mistake or blunder) any longer. I have learned all I can learn and I am moving on”, then I use my self-control to change my thinking.

If I want to think positive or optimistic thoughts, I will use positive affirmations such as, “I can do it”, “I will be successful at this”, “I will give a killer presentation”, “I will earn that promotion”, “I will walk across the stage and get that award” or “I am getting better everyday.” There are literally thousands of positive statements, individually designed, that can help you focus your thoughts in a positive direction.

The extensive research on this subject proves without a shadow of doubt that the things we say to ourselves influence our beliefs, attitudes and actions and ultimately the level of success, happiness and fulfillment we enjoy.

Positive thoughts, spoken out loud to ourselves become positive statements, and if taken one step further, become guides for our thinking on a daily basis.

Yesterday I played tennis with my brother. In the third set I was so delirious from physical exhaustion that I struggled to keep track of the score. I even lost track of who was serving. I knew if I wanted to win, I would need to step up my game, concentrate and give 100% of myself. So after every point, I kept saying to myself “focus, focus, focus, focus, focus” until I was completely focused on what I wanted to do.

Repetition of a simple positive statement and the resulting focus allowed me to give that extra effort. My positive statement became my reality and the tipping point for the big win!

How to Use Guiding Statements

Repetition is the key to effective guiding statements. The more you repeat these statements in your mind with vigor and passion, the more you will believe in them.

It’s also possible to use these types of statements to effectively reprogram your thinking. Repetition over a long period of time can replace negative self-defeating thoughts, reservations and fears with positive, encouraging and inspirational thoughts. You can become the next Rocky. Really.

If you want to reprogram some negative thinking, write out your positive affirmations and read them throughout the day. Recently I saw John Maxwell at a leadership event carrying a laminated card with his personal goals and positive statements. This card accompanies him everywhere he goes as a constant reminder of his desired outcomes.

I realize this is a tough subject to cover in a short blog post but don’t under estimate the value of this lesson. Using this strategy over the years has allowed me to control my thinking by programming the thoughts that go through my head.

My ability to control my thinking has given me total confidence that I can do anything I put my mind to. If that negative voice in the back of my mind opens it’s mouth, I shut it down and change my thoughts with my guiding statements.

Using positive affirmations and guiding statements opens your mind to see solutions and opportunities that would normally be overlooked. As a natural consequence, you’ll feel better about yourself and most importantly you will be able to guide your thoughts to help you achieve your goals.

Let me challenge you to start using these types of statements today. Don’t just utter the words. Say it like you mean it! These statements are mini goals that pack a powerful punch.

You have the ability to control your thinking and by controlling it, you take control of your future.

Accelerating Your Success

10 Reasons Why It is OK to Prosper

The Uncomfortable Path to Success

10 Ways to Build Your Self Image (Part 1)

10 Ways to Build Your Self-Image (Part 2)