When we get discouraged our attitude and emotions turn negative. When this happens our productivity takes a nosedive, we tend to retreat and withdraw from others, and the risk of giving up on whatever we’re working toward runs very high.

Since it can have such a negative impact on every area of our lives, including our health, learning to deal with disappointments in life and the temporary discouragement that may result is an important part of managing our lives.

James Whitcomb Riley said, “The most essential factor is persistence—the determination never to allow your energy or enthusiasm to be dampened by the discouragement that must inevitably come.”

How to Deal With Discouragement

Fortunately for me, most of the time when I find myself feeling down, it’s because I am tired, had a rough day or someone said something that bothered me.  If I just get a good night’s rest, I usually wake up with renewed energy.

Sometimes, however, I need more than just a night of rest. I need to explore the root cause of my discouragement so that I can better understand it and respond accordingly.

Below is the five-step process I go through when I’m discouraged and need to figure out why. (As you can tell by reading my posts, I am a thinker and a processer.)

1.  Ask: Why am I discouraged? If it is not obvious, take a few minutes to sit down and make a list of potential reasons why you’re feeling defeated. Making this list is critical because you can’t take control of something you don’t understand.

2.  As you look at each reason, ask: Why does this make me feel discouraged? Once you know the source of your discouragement, you should explore deeper.

• Is it because of unmet expectations that I feel this way? If so, make sure your expectations are realistic and that you are not setting yourself up for failure.
• Is it because I have let myself down?  If so, what specifically have you done?

3.  Look at the bigger picture. Do your best to gain perspective not just on the issue that is the source of discouragement, but on your relationship to it as well. For example:

• Am I feeling this way because I am burned out? Do I need a break?
• What part of this situation is my fault? What can I do differently? What can I learn?
• Am I making progress, but just slower than I had hoped? What lessons have I learned? Am I a better person because of this experience?
• Who can I talk to for some trusted insight and perspective on this matter? This is always a big help to me because much of my discouragement stems from unfulfilled expectations. Often a fresh perspective is all I need.

4.  Ask: What’s my plan? As I reflect on all the times I have been discouraged, they have been times when I needed to grow. It may be that I needed to learn to set better expectations, that I needed to learn to be more careful in whom I place my trust, or that I needed to have a different perspective. In each case, I was forced to grow as a person.

Next to each item on your list write down your plan to address the issue that is bothering you and quickly move on. Don’t accept a long-term sentence of discouragement. It is a choice. Keep moving forward. Nothing puts an end to discouragement like productive mental and physical activity.

5.  Count your blessings. Make a list of all the things for which you are grateful. Often times, we focus on the one thing that’s wrong and overlook the 99 things that are going well. When you make a conscious effort to write down what’s good and going well in your life, it helps you to put things into perspective.

A Time for Action

What will you do the next time you find yourself getting discouraged?

Vincent van Gogh, famous Dutch painter, said, “In spite of everything I shall rise again: I will take up my pencil, which I have forsaken in my great discouragement, and I will go on with my drawing.”

The secret to overcoming discouragement is to look at it as a temporary obstacle and learn how to process it.  Once you start executing your plan, the discouragement you feel will leave as quickly as it appeared.  Hold on to your vision and remember that ALL great successes came after periods of discouragement and failure. Don’t give up. The dark cloud of discouragement will disappear. You will smile again and experience a productive, fruitful life.

By immediately dealing with discouragement when it strikes, not only will your life be better, but so will your family, friends and co-workers who are impacted by your attitude.

What do you do when you are feeling discouraged? If you have a tip or suggestion, please share it in the comments section below.

About the Author: Todd Smith is a successful entrepreneur of 29 years and founder of Little Things Matter. To receive Todd’s lessons, subscribe here. All Todd’s lessons are also available on iTunes as downloadable podcasts. (Todd’s podcasts are listed #38 in America’s top 100 podcasts.)

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Today, I’m going on record as saying that neither of these reasons are valid enough to outweigh the fact that no one likes being around people who are chronic complainers.

Whining Damages Reputations

Whining is a childish trait and can be a very difficult habit to break once it has become a part of a person’s communication style. Nevertheless, breaking the habit of complaining is essential if we wish to be viewed as people whose words carry weight and whose opinions matter.

Some forms of complaints are obvious, but other forms are often disguised as commentary or critique. They may appear more subtle but are just as damaging to your reputation.

Complaint Etiquette

When you do have a legitimate complaint to communicate, you can do so in a productive manner by following these guidelines.

1. Have a purpose. Having an objective for complaining means that you wish to accomplish something that is both reasonable and specific.

Complaints without purpose include things like:

• The way your favorite NFL team played on Sunday
• The weather
• The traffic on the Interstate

These things may bother you to a degree, but you can’t do anything about any of them, so why spend your time (and someone else’s) complaining about them?

2.   Offer a proposed solution. Whenever you complain, be prepared to offer a reasonable solution.

3.   Be understanding. People are not perfect and most employees are doing the best they can. It’s also important to recognize that what may be logical to you, may not be logical to someone else.

Make a point to accept and value the differences in people.  Recognize that we all come from different backgrounds and have different life experiences.  Specifically, have a little more patience; be a little more forgiving of others.

If you find yourself being overly critical of others or the world at large (which leads to the habit of complaining), let me encourage you to start being more aware of this and work on improving your attitude in this area.

4.   Treat others with respect and kindness. If you must complain in such circumstances such as being served cold food in a restaurant, discovering a billing error, or challenging a warranty discrepancy, describe your situation in a way that shows respect to the individual listening to your complaint.

Often times, it’s not their fault. And even if it is, there is no reason to speak to them like they are stupid or incompetent. Doing that will only make matters worse and reflect poorly on you.

How to Break the Destructive Habit

The good news is that breaking the habit of complaining is something we can all do on our own. Here are a few tips to get you started.

• For the next 24 hours, make an effort to catch yourself each time you complain—at home, at work, and out in the community. Being aware of your tone and how much you verbalize your dissatisfaction with other people or things is the first step toward ridding yourself of this bad habit.

• Listen to the people around you, especially out in public. Notice how they speak to servers, customer service representatives, and other workers. What does this tell you about them? What does the way you speak to people in public say about you?

• The next time you find it necessary to lodge a legitimate complaint, make sure it meets the criteria discussed above—purposeful, solution-oriented, understanding, kind, and whine-free.

Complaining is harmful to your reputation. If you must complain, make sure your words are constructive and that you handle yourself in a way that reflects positively on your character.

Click here to visit the site and/or comment on this post.

About the Author: Todd Smith is a successful entrepreneur of 29 years and founder of Little Things Matter. To receive Todd’s daily lessons, subscribe here. All Todd’s lessons are also available on iTunes as downloadable podcasts. (Todd’s podcasts are listed #38 in America’s top 100 podcasts.)

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The Ticking Time Bomb

From the child whose birthday wishes are never quite fulfilled, to the spouse who always feels as if he/she is the one who’s giving more, to the manager whose team never seems to get it quite right—the expectations we set for ourselves and those around us have the power to influence our success and satisfaction in life.

Because expectations have such far-reaching, powerful consequences in every area of your life, I’m excited to share with you some of the best advice I’ve ever learned when it comes to setting proper expectations for yourself, those around you, and those you lead.

Consequences of Unmet Expectations

When we set false or unrealistic expectations, we put ourselves at risk for a host of unwanted outcomes ranging from perpetual frustration and disillusionment to damaged relationships. Even worse, the negative experiences of unmet expectations are a serious drain on our motivation and often lead to a spiral of negative thinking. Here are a few common examples of self-talk that illustrate this point:

“…If he won’t do more in this relationship, why should I?”

“…I’m very disappointed, and I’m going to make sure it shows through my behavior!”

“…If Joe isn’t making calls, why should I?”

“…It doesn’t matter what I do. Things are never going to change.”

On the other hand, the benefits of learning to set proper expectations are many and well worth pursuing. People who have mastered the art of expectations generally have more positive attitudes and a happier outlook on life. They experience fewer disappointments and less discouragement.

Three Categories of Expectations

You can begin to set proper expectations—those that are appropriate and realistic—when you recognize that there are three main categories of expectations.

1. Expectations you set for yourself

You know what you are capable of, but be careful about setting goals or expectations for yourself that are unrealistic. There is a fine line between pushing yourself to do better and setting yourself up for failure. It’s important to find that line so that you don’t limit your own accomplishments or, at the other end of the spectrum, end up feeling depressed and unfulfilled.

One effective way of finding the right balance is to keep in mind that expectations should be incremental. Change does not happen overnight, no matter how much you want it.

For example, if I am committed to remembering the names of people I meet at a networking event and only remember 2 out of 10 names, then setting a goal to remember 3 or 4 the next week is more realistic than expecting myself to remember 8 names.

As you explore the right increment for your personal growth, never lower your expectations to a level where you are no longer challenging yourself. The day you stop challenging yourself to become a better person is the day you begin falling back in life.

2. Expectations you set for your family, friends, and colleagues

Whether or not you are consciously aware of it, you react all the time to the outcome of expectations you set for those around you. In personal relationships, take care when considering what you expect of others.

Because every person is unique, no two people see things exactly the same way. Therefore, it’s simply not realistic to expect that people—even those closest to you—always know what’s in your heart and mind and are actively working toward meeting your expectations. When you start counting on others to meet your unspoken needs and desires, you set yourself up for grave heartache and disappointment.

In my personal life, I expect things from my family, friends, and business colleagues, but my expectations are realistic and appropriate to the relationship. Furthermore, to be fair and to avoid my own disappointment, I do my very best to consistently communicate those reasonable expectations.

3. Expectations you set for those you lead

In a management position, you should obviously set expectations for your team, but it’s critical that they know, understand, and agree to the expectations you set for them. Expecting those you lead—whether it’s at home, at work, or in the community—to fulfill expectations you have not clearly communicated is a sure-fire recipe for disappointment and dysfunction.

Expectation Check Up

How do you know if the expectations you’re currently setting are appropriate? If you find yourself constantly disappointed in yourself and in others, you are likely setting expectations that are unrealistic or too high.

Will you commit to examining the expectations you have set for yourself and others?  Here are a few checkpoints to get you started.

• What do expect of yourself? Are your expectations realistic and aligned with your goals? You should always strive for improvement, but make sure that it’s incremental and achievable.

• How are your current expectations affecting your relationships with your spouse, friends, and co-workers? Don’t make a list of the things they should be doing to make you happy. Instead, make a list of the things you can do to make them happy. When you do, you’ll be amazed at the difference in your personal level of satisfaction.

• Know that your expectations are not the same as everyone else’s. That’s normal! If you’re in a leadership position, don’t set expectations that have not been clearly communicated, no matter how basic they may be. Remember that Basketball Coaching Legend John Wooden started every season teaching his players how to put on their socks to avoid getting blisters!

If you set realistic expectations for yourself and those around you, you’ll avoid many of life’s blisters and enjoy happier, more fulfilling relationships.

About the Author: Todd Smith is a successful entrepreneur of 29 years and founder of Little Things Matter. To receive Todd’s daily lessons, subscribe here. All Todd’s lessons are also available on iTunes as downloadable podcasts. (Todd’s podcasts are listed in America’s top 100 podcasts.)

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Happiness is a Choice

A commitment is a binding pledge that obligates you to assume a position or carry out a course of action.  Making a commitment to what you do—whether in your personal life or your professional life—is one of the most fundamental principles of success.

Commitments are Serious Business

Commitments are powerful because they influence how you think, how you sound, and how you act. Unlike a half-hearted hope or ‘best shot,’ making a commitment means that you try harder, you look for solutions when faced with obstacles, you don’t consider quitting as an option, and you don’t look back.

In addition, a meaningful commitment gives you a script for how to handle things when times get tough. And make no mistake, everyone feels like quitting at one time or another. Unfortunately most people quit when they feel like quitting, which is why they seldom succeed at anything.

After working with thousands of aspiring entrepreneurs over my career, I’ve learned that one of the most distinguishing characteristics of success is the perseverance of commitment.

Whether it’s a relationship or marriage, job or career venture, fitness or health, or a personal improvement goal, the temptation to give up will arise. The key is to anticipate it and make yourself a promise that the feeling of wanting to quit will not overpower your commitment.

To Whom and What Are You Committed?

One of the keys to fulfilling your commitments is to not over commit. The number of opportunities and decisions we’re faced with on a daily basis increases all the time. This is why it’s so important to be selective about what and who you commit to. Given the limits of your time and attention, it’s simply not feasible to do everything you would like. Therefore, you must decide what is truly important to you and commit only to those things.

When you only commit to the people and things that are truly important to you, your relationships will improve, you will be more successful in achieving your goals, and you’ll have more time to enjoy your journey.

Once you decide to whom and what you are committed, it’s imperative that you follow through. When I think of the importance of following through, I’m reminded of the motivational advice of Zig Ziglar:

“It was character that got us out of bed, commitment that moved us into action, and discipline that enabled us to follow through.”

There are times when you may think that the challenges of fulfilling your commitments aren’t worth the hassle, or the effort required is more than you’re willing to expend. Remember, however, just like anything worth pursuing, commitments require discipline and often require you to act outside of your comfort zone. Be willing to stand up to the challenges you face by keeping things like your integrity and reputation in mind.

Evaluate Your Commitments

We must also recognize that often time commitments have limitations.  There is a difference between making excuses for not honoring a commitment you’ve made and knowing that something just isn’t working, despite your best efforts. Making a call in the thick of things that your commitment isn’t really that important after all may be true (in some cases), but it may just be a cop out. Perhaps, a sudden shift in priorities could be a signal that it’s time to call it quits, or it could be that your resolve is slipping and you need to reinforce it.

So how can you tell the difference? I discussed this very subject in a previous lesson, When Quitting is the Best Decision You Can Make.

What are you committed to achieving? If it is not working, why is it not working? Can you look in the mirror and honestly tell yourself that you have given it your ALL? How hard and how long have you been working at it? Did you set your expectations too high? You must identify specific reasons why something is not working.

If you’re honest with yourself and agree that you are giving your best efforts and you still aren’t making measurable progress, then it may be time to re-evaluate your strategy. If this is where you find yourself today, then I encourage you to read the above referenced lesson.

Identify Your Commitments

Are you able to list the important people and things in your life that you are sincerely committed to? If you can’t, I challenge you to make this list. If you can, take some time to reflect on how you are doing at upholding those commitments. Is it time to renew your determination?

The only way you will enjoy a long-term relationship with someone is if you are committed to that relationship. The only way you will enjoy a successful career is if you are committed to it. The only way you will enjoy life’s journey is if you are committed to making the best of it and living life to its fullest.

Click here to visit the site and/or comment on this post.

About the Author: Todd Smith is a successful entrepreneur of 29 years and founder of Little Things Matter. To receive Todd’s daily lessons, subscribe here. All Todd’s lessons are also available on iTunes as downloadable podcasts. (Todd’s podcasts are listed in America’s top 100 podcasts.)

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What I’ve Learned as a Young Entrepreneur

My life experiences have taught me you can’t advance your life forward personally or professionally when you are in a rut.  Ruts drag you down and prevent advancement.

If you don’t get out of the rut, you will be frustrated, discouraged, and unfulfilled.  Your relationships will suffer and your performance will be adversely affected.

How to Get Out of Your Rut

Recently I visited the website of my cousin, Deb Erickson, who calls herself “The RutBuster.”  She has a three-step program to help people get out of a rut.

She’s right on.  In fact, I realized that this is the very process I employed when I’ve gotten out of my personal ruts, so I’d like to give those to you now, putting my own spin on them.

Step 1.  Become aware.  It’s your choice point.

• You must recognize that you are in a rut. Before any positive change can occur in your life, you must know that you have a problem. Take some time to analyze your situation.  Know that ruts can also be mental, emotional, physical, or financial.

• What is the rut you are in?  Why are you in this rut? How has it affected other areas of your life?  If you are unhappy with your career, how has that affected your marriage and your relationship with your children.

• Awareness allows for choices. Stay in the rut and continue to suffer all the negative outcomes, or take control of your life—get out of the rut and find new meaning in life.  Getting out a rut is a matter of choice.  While it may take some time to get out of a rut, you can’t begin the process until you have made a conscious choice that enough is enough.

Step 2.  Set your intentions. Follow your Internal GPS.

• Determine what’s important to you. What do you value?  What are your goals? Who do you want to become?  What do you want out of life? What kind of job uses your skills and talents to the fullest? Where would you find the greatest fulfillment? Get clear on where you would like to take your life.

• Listen to Your Internal Voice. Everyone has a built-in GPS system. It’s that internal voice that guides you, tugs at you, warns you, and directs each step you take. Understand the big picture of what you want to achieve and let that internal voice keep you on track and help you accomplish your long-term goals. As long as you are pursuing something that is truly important to you, your inner voice will tell you when you are off track, or on track, and the small refinements you need to make.

Step 3.  Let go and flow.   Allow things to unfold naturally.

Once you are clear on what you want, put together your plan; then let things unfold naturally. More than likely you will be moving down a new path in life. Although it is impossible to prepare for everything, if you stay focused on the things that are truly important to you, the doors of opportunity will open before you.

As you focus on the big picture of what’s important to you, The Law of Attraction will kick in just as Brian Tracy predicts: “Each person is a living magnet.  We radiate thought energy that sooner or later attracts into our lives the people and circumstances that harmonize with our dominant thought.”

You can get out of the rut.  Just allow life to unfold naturally and follow Mark Twain’s advice: “Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn’t do than by the ones you did do.  So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sail. Explore. Dream. Discover.”

It’s time for a little self-evaluation

Take time out to review your situation, evaluate your life, and examine your goals.  Ask yourself these questions: Where would I like to take my life? Am I in a rut?  Is my marriage in a rut?  Is my career in a rut?  Is my golf game in a rut?

If you are in a rut, I urge you to watch a short 6-minute video by Deb Erickson on her website at www.deberickson.com.  Her book, Get out of the Rut and on with Your Life, may also have some concrete ideas that will help you get out of your rut.

You are in control and you have the power to get any part of your life out of a rut. Just keep your eye focused on the big picture of what you want to achieve and then move down the road at a pace that allows you to enjoy the journey.

About the Author: Todd Smith is a successful entrepreneur of 29 years and founder of Little Things Matter. To receive Todd’s daily lessons, subscribe here. All Todd’s lessons are also available on iTunes as downloadable podcasts. (Todd’s podcasts are listed in America’s top 100 podcasts.)

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When you look into the mirror, what do you see?

In the classic Disney movie Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs, the evil queen possessed a magical mirror that would answer any question she had. This queen was very vain and would often ask: “Mirror, Mirror on the wall, who’s the fairest of them all?”

Most of you know the story. For years the mirror would answer: “You, my Queen, are the fairest of them all,” One day it responded that the queen was fair but Snow White was the fairest of them all.

Now this mirror based its response on outer beauty, but as we all know, beauty is only skin deep. What is on the inside of a person is where true beauty lies.

Tools for Character Growth

So in today’s lesson, I would like to use the analogy of this “magic” mirror but only as a tool to look at ourselves from the inside.

This magic mirror couldn’t tell a lie.  Now imagine that you are looking into this mirror and you ask it, “What do you see?” What would the mirror say back to you?

1.  Searching Questions

Do you take as much time to look at what is on the inside, your character, as opposed to what may be seen on the outside? Here are some questions to consider:

1.  Do I see pride in my life?
2.  Are my motives often selfish?
3.  What is my overall attitude if things aren’t going my way?
4.  Do I seek ways to serve others?
5.  What do I see as my biggest personal weaknesses?

Asking these questions about one’s character is never easy, but if we take time to evaluate who we are, it can only help us to determine the kind of person we want to become.

As much as I don’t like to dwell on negative things, I feel that therein lie the keys to really improving myself, experiencing breakthrough, and passing the future character tests that are bound to come my way.

Let’s face it; all of us have areas in our characters that we can improve upon. I have learned on many occasions what my character weaknesses are and, unfortunately, the lessons have usually come at a price.

2.  Past Experiences

One of my biggest character-revealing moments came a few years back when I allowed my own personal agenda to interfere with what was required of me in the office.  I came to realize that I was more concerned with my wants and goals rather than recognizing that my priority from 9 a.m. to 6 p.m. was to my employer.

As a result of this incident, I saw very clearly that I had selfish motives and was not giving honor to my employer. As a repercussion I had sacrificed the bond of trust that had been established over many years.

I will never forget the shame that I felt along with a sense of deep remorse for my selfish actions. It was a clear indication that I had some major weaknesses when it came to my character.

This incident was probably the hardest lesson I have ever had to learn. For months I felt unsettled, even after my apologizing and showing true remorse.

Close to a year later I found myself returning to my employer and seeking to further reconcile our damaged relationship. Having had months to think about and analyze what happened, I came to the conclusion that I did not show honor to my employer and by not showing honor that meant that I was dishonoring them. I felt that the initial apology was not enough and was only a small piece in the restoration process.

I remember shaking as I made the call to setup a time to meet with my employer and shaking all the way through sharing my heart with them. It was not easy and it was extremely humbling to me. But I will share that the result of this conversation brought further healing to me and to them. A weight had been lifted and I am so thankful that I took the initiative to further reconcile our relationship.

Although we cannot erase our weakest character revealing moments, we can use these past experiences as a tool to help us grow. When you think back on these instances in your life, do you notice a pattern? Maybe selfishness is a common theme that you will find or maybe your pride got in the way and relationships have suffered as a result. Whatever commonalities or patterns you may discover, always look for the lessons.

Use your past as a tool to recognize, overcome, and improve your character.

3.  Insights from Family and Friends

Once you have taken the time to self-evaluate by looking into the mirror of truth, I then want to encourage you to ask those who are close to you, to share in love their insights into your question: “How am I doing?”

The truth is that people will see things in us that we just don’t. If we are really looking to improve and grow, I think that asking those who know us and love us to tell us the truth is vitally important.

A Lifelong Journey

Improving our character is a journey—a lifelong process. We are never “there.”  There is always something more we can learn—some new insights we will discover about ourselves. The key is to stick to the process. It’s important that we commit ourselves to improving the little things in our lives every day.

Once we start going in the right direction, we then have momentum. Momentum moves us forward and moving forward means that we are constantly improving.

To develop an honorable character, you must be vulnerable and willing to use all the tools available: honest self-evaluation, negative past experiences, and loving critique from family and friends.

Author: Jessica Smith is the daughter-in-law of Todd Smith and the cofounder of Moju Project- a website that sells t-shirts that save lives. She is passionate about advocating for orphans around the world and raising awareness about social injustices that are close to the heart of God. She is also a member of the Little Things Matter Mastermind Team. When not working, Jessica enjoys leading worship with her husband Gerrid Smith and spending time with her family and friends.

To receive daily lessons from Little Things Matter, subscribe here.

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My Wish-I-Hadn’t-Done-That List

Like all of these people, I have done some stupid things. I have said irresponsible things that damaged relationships. I have handled myself inappropriately in business settings.  I have thrown eggs at people’s homes and snowballs at cars. I have drunk too much. I have done drugs. I have made terrible investments and lost millions of dollars. I have lied to people. I have acted like a fool. I have been disrespectful to others. The fact is—and I am not proud to say—that just about any bad thing you have done, it’s possible that I may have done that, too.

Of all the unwise things I have done, there are some that have scarred me for life and I think about these more than others.  In fact, I will likely think about them the rest of my life no matter how much I try not to think of them. While I no longer allow them to impact my emotions, I will not be able to erase them from my memory.  Do you have some like this?

If I Could Rewind the Clock of Time

A couple weeks ago I was thinking about something I wish I had never done.  I then started thinking, if I could rewind the clock and do some things differently, would I?

After a long walk contemplating this notion, I determined I would not want to go back and do something differently.  My conclusion was that everything that has happened to me has happened for a reason.  I determined that, no matter how painful something has been, the experience has taught me a lesson and contributed to making me the person I am today.

This is not to say that I am totally happy with my life and who I am.  I am scarred.  I have warts. I am far from perfect. I still do things I regret.

As I look at some of my most painful lessons that I will likely never forget, they are the lessons that have played a huge role in forming my beliefs.  Saying something stupid to someone and hurting them has made me more careful with what I say to others.  Each bad investment I have made has influenced my investment criteria and made me wiser.

I have some things on my list that may not have played a major role in the person I have become and I wish I had never done them, but they are done.  The fact is, I can’t turn back the clock and neither can you.  There is no such thing as a Fairy Godmother or a Genie in a Bottle who can make our wishes come true.

My Philosophy, My Plan

Spending time wishing you hadn’t done something is spending time on something you can’t change or control. It’s OVER! All you can do is learn as much as you can from the experience, determine what if any changes you are going to make in your life as a result, and then use your self-control to move on. You cannot allow any mistake to weigh so heavily on you that you can’t move forward to live a happy and fulfilling life.

After going through the thought process described in this lesson, I wondered if others have felt the same way. Then yesterday this post appeared in the comments section below my post Count Your Blessings.

“I share these sentiments in my book, “Thank God for the Shelter – Memoirs of a homeless healer.” Being homeless taught me to count my blessings each day. I wouldn’t change those nine months for the world. I am so much more connected to what the world really needs… hope. Love is wonderful but when you have lost hope, you are in darkness, you’re blind and wouldn’t see love if it slapped you in the face. Thanks again for such great posts.” Versandra

I believe we would all live happier and more fulfilling lives if we stopped wishing we could change the past. Instead be thankful for who we are and the experiences we have had—both good and bad.

I have made the decision to no longer wish I could turn back the clock and do something over. I am going to focus on learning from the mistakes of the past and concentrate on making the changes I need in the future to become a better person. I am going to draw from all my experiences to fulfill my purpose—to live a happy, healthy, and fulfilling life.

I challenge you to adopt my philosophy and follow my plan.  Will you join me?

• Stop worrying about things you cannot change.
• Stop allowing things of the past to bring you down.
• Stop wishing you could turn back the clock and do something over.
• Learn all you can from each experience.
• Use your self-control; do not allow it to bother you.
• Accept yourself for you who are—blemishes and all?
• Live your life with passion and purpose.

With what you have learned from your life experiences, you have never been in a better position to achieve the things that are important to you. Don’t wish you could turn the clock back and redo something that happened.  Be thankful for the knowledge you gained and how you can use that knowledge to become the person you want to be.

Tell me about your commitment in the comment section below this post.

Today is a new day! It is the first day of the rest of your life.  If can also be the beginning of a new chapter in your life.

About the Author: Todd Smith is a successful entrepreneur of 29 years and founder of Little Things Matter. To receive Todd’s daily lessons, subscribe here. All Todd’s lessons are also available on iTunes as downloadable podcasts. (Todd’s podcasts are listed in America’s top 100 podcasts.)

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The Power of Personal Initiative

The vast majority of us associate optimism with that familiar image of a glass of liquid—either half-full or half-empty, depending on how we view our lives.

In theory, someone who sees the glass as half-full is an optimist. When you are optimistic, you expect things to go well, and you dwell on the most hopeful aspects of a situation.

A pessimist, on the other hand, sees the glass as half-empty. When you are pessimistic, you expect thing to go poorly. You see the downside of most things and dwell on what might go wrong.

Optimistic people look at their futures with anticipation and eagerness, whereas pessimistic people tend to look at their futures with hopelessness and negativity.

I have learned that things generally go according to how you expect them to go.  Being optimistic is not only a vital part of our personalities, it is also an essential component influencing the outcomes of every part of our lives from our relationships to our careers. But we must keep a balance between being optimistic and realistic.  While I consider myself to be optimistic, I do not have blind optimism.

As an example, I look at things honestly using my years of experience.  If I see something wrong or I see a potential challenge, I don’t ignore the possible pitfalls because I want to be optimistic.  If you go through life with blind optimism, you will be so disappointed that eventually you will become pessimistic.

Benefits of Being Optimistic

Nicholas Murray Butler, winner of the Nobel Prize in Peace 1931, said, “Optimism is essential to achievement and it is also the foundation of courage and true progress.”

Brian Tracy, a leading authority on human potential and personal effectiveness, wrote, “Optimism is the one quality more associated with success and happiness than any other.”

Renowned experts—like Martin E. Seligman, Ph.D. who works on positive psychology, learned helplessness, depression, optimism and pessimism— have spent years studying optimism and conclude that it accomplishes the following:

• Prevents depression
• Improves health by reducing stress

• Enables achievement by combining talent and desire

Everyone Can Be Optimistic

The great news is that because optimism is a learned behavior, it’s within our control to decide how we choose to see the glass.

Although it’s fascinating research, you don’t need to know how optimism is studied and measured in order to do the things that will help you become more optimistic.

I’m reminded of the life of blind Helen Keller who knew nothing of these studies. In fact, in her shoes, most of us would be pessimistic.  But she left us with a wonderful quote: “Optimism is the faith that leads to achievement. Nothing can be done without hope or confidence.”

If you want to advance your life personally or professionally, you must

1.  Focus on the positives and expect things to go well.

2.  Keep an eye on pitfalls that may lie ahead and be prepared for them.

I realize there is a fine line between the two, but the difference is where you place your emphasis.

Using NFL football as an analogy, if you are going to have a strong offense, you must have a successful passing offense. While you can’t pass the ball down the field blindly hoping it gets caught by a member of your team, you also can’t fear being intercepted every time you drop back to pass the ball.  If you fear that each pass will be intercepted, you will never be successful.

Just like in football, if you are going to develop a strong offensive plan to advance your life, you must take risks; don’t be afraid to fail.

Are You an Optimist or Pessimist?

Would you consider yourself to be more of an optimist or pessimist?  If you were to ask the people in your life the same question, what would they say?

Here is my challenge to each of you.

1.  Start being aware of how you look at things.  If you find yourself finding more reasons why things won’t work than why they will work and if you tend to focus more of your time on defense rather than offense, then you MUST make changes in how you view things or you will likely live a lonely and disappointing life.

2.  Analyze why your tendency is to look for what may go wrong rather than what may go right.  If it is because of past failures and disappointments, which is often the case, realize the past does not equal the future.  We all make mistakes. We all fail. We all experience times of great discouragement.

3.  Read biographies of successful people.  As you do, you will see that they all talk about how they overcame great failures on their road to living a successful life.

4.  Read each month’s issue of Success Magazine.  As you read the stories of those who have achieved such success to be profiled in this magazine, you will see their stories all include their disappointments and setbacks. I find these stories inspirational and motivating.

What you must understand is that whatever challenges you have experienced have simply made you a smarter and wiser person. They have taught you that not everything goes as you wish or plan. You have learned not to run at things blindly hoping you will be lucky.  Most importantly you have learned lessons that have made you a better person.

Now I encourage you to take all that you have learned and get excited about the opportunities that lie in front of you. Take control of your emotions, attitude, and outlook on life and be the person you need to be to achieve your dreams. Millions of others have done it and so can you.

Just as you can choose to be happy, you can choose to be optimistic.  Being optimistic doesn’t mean you are overlooking potential challenges, it just means you are choosing to focus on the positives.

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About the Author: Todd Smith is a successful entrepreneur of 29 years and founder of Little Things Matter. To receive Todd’s daily lessons, subscribe here. All Todd’s lessons are also available on iTunes as downloadable podcasts. (Todd’s podcasts are listed in America’s top 100 podcasts.)

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Believe That You Can

Happiness is a Choice

Now think of an occasion when you said things like “I am tired today” or “I don’t think I can do anymore” or “I can’t go any longer.” What happened? Did this little voice in the back of your mind sound defeated? Were you able to push yourself or did you give up?

The common denominator in both circumstances is your inner voice. Yet the results are dramatically different depending on the nature of your “conversation.” Your statements can either gave you energy to push harder or they can suck the life out of you and cause you to quit.

The Power of Self-Talk post describes how the conversations we have with ourselves influence every part of our lives. If our internal dialog is positive and focuses on our talents, skills and abilities we are encouraged, optimistic and more likely to achieve our goals.

On the other hand, if our thoughts focus on our faults, mistakes, weaknesses, insecurities, or fears, it will be virtually impossible to feel confident and advance our lives forward.

All of this illustrates that what we say to ourselves impacts our emotions, attitude and outlook.  Since this internal dialog is so important, how can we use it to help us achieve our personal best?

The answer is simple. Be intentional about saying things to yourself that will help you achieve your desired outcome.

Guiding Statements

Throughout my career I have consistently focused on using what I call guiding statements- statements designed to help direct my thinking.

Here are some examples of the types of guiding statements I say to myself.

• If I am working on an important project that must be completed today I will say, “I will get this done today” over and over again throughout the day.
• If I am listening to someone and feel I have something important to contribute I will say, “Listen and don’t interrupt.”
• If I am getting frustrated or defensive, I will repeat in my mind, “Speak in love.”
• If I am thinking about something that is depressing me I will say, “I am not going to think about XX (failure, mistake or blunder) any longer. I have learned all I can learn and I am moving on”, then I use my self-control to change my thinking.

If I want to think positive or optimistic thoughts, I will use positive affirmations such as, “I can do it”, “I will be successful at this”, “I will give a killer presentation”, “I will earn that promotion”, “I will walk across the stage and get that award” or “I am getting better everyday.” There are literally thousands of positive statements, individually designed, that can help you focus your thoughts in a positive direction.

The extensive research on this subject proves without a shadow of doubt that the things we say to ourselves influence our beliefs, attitudes and actions and ultimately the level of success, happiness and fulfillment we enjoy.

Positive thoughts, spoken out loud to ourselves become positive statements, and if taken one step further, become guides for our thinking on a daily basis.

Yesterday I played tennis with my brother.  In the third set I was so delirious from physical exhaustion that I struggled to keep track of the score. I even lost track of who was serving. I knew if I wanted to win, I would need to step up my game, concentrate and give 100% of myself.  So after every point, I kept saying to myself “focus, focus, focus, focus, focus” until I was completely focused on what I wanted to do.

Repetition of a simple positive statement and the resulting focus allowed me to give that extra effort. My positive statement became my reality and the tipping point for the big win!

How to Use Guiding Statements

Repetition is the key to effective guiding statements. The more you repeat these statements in your mind with vigor and passion, the more you will believe in them.

It’s also possible to use these types of statements to effectively reprogram your thinking. Repetition over a long period of time can replace negative self-defeating thoughts, reservations and fears with positive, encouraging and inspirational thoughts.  You can become the next Rocky. Really.

If you want to reprogram some negative thinking, write out your positive affirmations and read them throughout the day. Recently I saw John Maxwell at a leadership event carrying a laminated card with his personal goals and positive statements. This card accompanies him everywhere he goes as a constant reminder of his desired outcomes.

I realize this is a tough subject to cover in a short blog post but don’t under estimate the value of this lesson. Using this strategy over the years has allowed me to control my thinking by programming the thoughts that go through my head.

My ability to control my thinking has given me total confidence that I can do anything I put my mind to. If that negative voice in the back of my mind opens it’s mouth, I shut it down and change my thoughts with my guiding statements.

Using positive affirmations and guiding statements opens your mind to see solutions and opportunities that would normally be overlooked. As a natural consequence, you’ll feel better about yourself and most importantly you will be able to guide your thoughts to help you achieve your goals.

Let me challenge you to start using these types of statements today. Don’t just utter the words. Say it like you mean it! These statements are mini goals that pack a powerful punch.

You have the ability to control your thinking and by controlling it, you take control of your future.

About the Author: Todd Smith is a successful entrepreneur of 29 years and founder of Little Things Matter. To receive Todd’s daily lessons, subscribe here. All Todd’s lessons are also available on iTunes as downloadable podcasts.

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Being Honest With Ourselves

Think of the last time you apologized for something you said or did. What words did you speak?  Were they heartfelt and honest? Did your voice tone and body language send the same or a different message than your words?  Were excuses and justifications mixed in with your apology?

The way in which we apologize says a lot about our character. Do we accept full responsibly for the things we say and do or do we feel the need to explain the reason for our actions by pointing fingers? Do the words coming out of our mouths have real meaning or are we just apologizing because it’s expected of us?

We all make mistakes. No one’s perfect. But how we rebound from those mistakes and apologize for our behavior will play a critical role in the impressions we make and the respect we have from our friends, family and co-workers. If done correctly your apology will make a lasting impression and distinguish you as someone who accepts responsibility for your actions.

My wife and I have four children. So you can imagine there have been numerous times when we’ve had to remind them about how to give a proper apology. Today’s tips are based upon the lessons we have taught our children over the years and I give my wife full credit for helping all of us learn how to make things right.

Don’t Justify Your Actions Or Make Excuses

Don’t make the common mistake of giving an explanation or a justification when you apologize. It will cheapen and discount your apology.

The best way to apologize is to accept responsibility for your actions and start with the obvious words, “I’m sorry.” This won’t be easy, especially if your regrettable actions were in response to someone else’s actions. It takes a strong person to accept responsibility for their actions and not justify them. You are in control of your actions and blaming others is just a lame excuse.

Mean What You Say

Be genuine and honest. If you try to fake your way through an apology, people will see right through it and it will only make the situation worse. If you have done something you shouldn’t have done or said something you shouldn’t have said, you have just made a negative impression.

An insincere apology is like pounding that negative impression in their head with a hammer.  It’s a sure way to lose someone’s respect.

Focus on making sure your tone and body language send the same messages as the words you speak.  It’s also helpful to include some specifics in your apology beyond the words “I’m sorry”. Acknowledging what you did wrong conveys that you really understand the impact of your words or actions.

You may need a little time to pass to collect your thoughts before delivering a genuine apology but don’t let the clock run out. When you know you need to apologize for something, the sooner you can do it effectively, the better.

Ask For Forgiveness

After you have apologized, then seek forgiveness. Offer to make amends if appropriate. And then hopefully the other person will agree to forgive you and you both can move on. It takes a strong person to apologize as I have described but doing so will be bring closure to your mistake and potentially restore a damaged relationship.

You can imagine what comes next.  Who needs an apology from you?  Do you have any damaged relationships? TODAY’s challenge is to make a call or set up an appointment with someone who you have wronged, offended or misguided. Think about the words you will use and the way you will deliver those words. Will you accept the challenge?

If you have any contributions to this post, please share them in the comments section below this post on www.littlethingsmatter.com.

“An apology is the superglue of life.  It can repair just about anything.”- Lynn Johnston

About the Author: Todd Smith is a successful entrepreneur of 29 years and founder of Little Things Matter. To receive Todd’s daily lessons, subscribe here. All Todd’s lessons are also available on iTunes as downloadable podcasts.

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