Little Things Matter &#187; Likability

The Power of the Written Word

Preferred Methods of Communication

Carefully Select the People who Influence Your Life

One of The Most Powerful Things You Can Say

Praise or Criticize? When and Where?

Taking a Good Look in the Mirror of Truth

It’s a Small World

Is Your Word Really Your Bond?

Winning or Losing an Argument

Todd Smith — Wed, 01 Sep 2010 07:45:16 +0000

(Author, Hannah Smith, Todd Smith’s 15-Year-Old Daughter. The image is not Hannah)

Have you ever had an argument with someone important to you? Did you win or lose? Do you love the feeling when the opposing argument gets shut down, and your opponent conforms to your opinion? Is that your ultimate goal? What about how your opponent feels? Do you care?

I’m like many teenagers. Because I have strong (and often contrary) opinions, I’ve had my share of arguments; I’ve won some and lost some.

I used to not hesitate to argue. I would jump into disagreements like they were a cold pool on a summer day. I was blind to the fact that nothing good was coming from these arguments. I wasn’t changing their views. In fact, it normally made my opponents feel stronger about their own opinions, and it would cause annoyance and anger. So I began to ask myself: How can I avoid tension and successfully get my point across?

Five Solutions

Here are four things I now think about when I find myself about to enter a disagreement that could end up in a heated argument.

1. Is it Important to Me?

Before saying anything to the other person, ask yourself: Is it worth it? What will be the benefit if I win? What will be the downside if I lose?

When I would enter an argument too quickly, I would end up not having a strong opinion or supportive facts or being unwilling to listen to my opponent, and it would start unnecessary conflict.

In one of my favorite books, How to Win Friends and Influence People, (I have to admit that my dad paid me to read it.) Dale Carnegie said: “The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it.” This is true, but often ignored because it takes more character to be silent than to speak one’s mind.

2. Have a Discussion, Not an Argument

Arguments are commonly controlled by emotion, while discussions are more about understanding. It’s important not to enter a disagreement when emotionally compromised. When controlled by your emotions, you are more likely to say hurtful things, yell, and ultimately prevent the discussion from going anywhere. If you feel you are on the verge of an outburst, take a breather, and only return when you feel you are ready to approach the situation rationally.

3. Ask Questions

Too many times I entered an argument knowing that I’m right and they’re wrong. Because why would I argue if I didn’t feel it worth fighting for? But then I realized, why would they think any different? Sometimes it is even better to ask questions rather than ignore the problem because you may begin to judge them without fully understanding their view. Simply learning why the person thinks a certain way can diminish the need for an argument all together. As my dad has taught me, there is always two sides to every story.

4. Understand That No One Is You

No one is ever going to think the same as you. We are all very different—different personalities, different past experiences, and different present situations. Learning the way a person thinks is sometimes the only way of truly understanding their position.

Mend Old Wounds

Have you been in an argument that had no closure to it—that was just left as an open wound? It’s so important to do everything you can to find that closure. Hard feelings and grudges are often the result of unsettled conflict. Whenever my brother and I would get into an argument my parents would put us in a room and we couldn’t come out until we had worked it out. We hated it, but it worked. Finish what you started. It can be a hard thing to do, to go back to that, but re-approaching the situation with the right attitude will help it go smoother.

My Challenge

I want to encourage you to think about these four points when you find yourself on the verge of a disagreement.

What have you learned from working through difficult situations and what have you found works best in avoiding arguments? Please share your thoughts below this post.

Simply thinking before you argue can result in less stress and more understanding, while carelessly jumping into an argument can result in regretful actions and damaged relationships.

About the Author: Hannah Smith is the daughter of Todd Smith, founder of Little Things Matter. To receive Todd’s lessons, subscribe here. All Todd’s lessons are also available on iTunes as downloadable podcasts. (Todd’s podcasts are listed #38 in America’s top 100 podcasts.)

Our Lives are a Mirror Image of the Little Decisions we Make

What’s Your Brand?

10 Ways To Be A Good Listener

Six Ways to Avoid Misunderstandings

The Value of Feedback and Criticism

The Power of Questions

Carefully Select the People who Influence Your Life

Do You Get Defensive?

Be Open to the Ideas of Others

Don’t Try to Solve a Problem That Isn’t Yours

There Are Always Two Sides to Every Story

The Ticking Time Bomb

Constructive Versus Destructive Complaining

Todd Smith — Tue, 31 Aug 2010 07:45:05 +0000

Psychologists say that people generally complain for one of two reasons—as a way of enlisting people to agree with their point of view, or as a means of making conversation since negative observations often yield a bigger response than positive comments. (Sadly, that is true.)

Today, I’m going on record as saying that neither of these reasons are valid enough to outweigh the fact that no one likes being around people who are chronic complainers.

Whining Damages Reputations

Whining is a childish trait and can be a very difficult habit to break once it has become a part of a person’s communication style. Nevertheless, breaking the habit of complaining is essential if we wish to be viewed as people whose words carry weight and whose opinions matter.

Some forms of complaints are obvious, but other forms are often disguised as commentary or critique. They may appear more subtle but are just as damaging to your reputation.

Complaint Etiquette

When you do have a legitimate complaint to communicate, you can do so in a productive manner by following these guidelines.

1. Have a purpose. Having an objective for complaining means that you wish to accomplish something that is both reasonable and specific.

Complaints without purpose include things like:

The way your favorite NFL team played on Sunday
The weather
The traffic on the Interstate

These things may bother you to a degree, but you can’t do anything about any of them, so why spend your time (and someone else’s) complaining about them?

2. Offer a proposed solution. Whenever you complain, be prepared to offer a reasonable solution.

3. Be understanding. People are not perfect and most employees are doing the best they can. It’s also important to recognize that what may be logical to you, may not be logical to someone else.

Make a point to accept and value the differences in people. Recognize that we all come from different backgrounds and have different life experiences. Specifically, have a little more patience; be a little more forgiving of others.

If you find yourself being overly critical of others or the world at large (which leads to the habit of complaining), let me encourage you to start being more aware of this and work on improving your attitude in this area.

4. Treat others with respect and kindness. If you must complain in such circumstances such as being served cold food in a restaurant, discovering a billing error, or challenging a warranty discrepancy, describe your situation in a way that shows respect to the individual listening to your complaint.

Often times, it’s not their fault. And even if it is, there is no reason to speak to them like they are stupid or incompetent. Doing that will only make matters worse and reflect poorly on you.

How to Break the Destructive Habit

The good news is that breaking the habit of complaining is something we can all do on our own. Here are a few tips to get you started.

For the next 24 hours, make an effort to catch yourself each time you complain—at home, at work, and out in the community. Being aware of your tone and how much you verbalize your dissatisfaction with other people or things is the first step toward ridding yourself of this bad habit.

Listen to the people around you, especially out in public. Notice how they speak to servers, customer service representatives, and other workers. What does this tell you about them? What does the way you speak to people in public say about you?

The next time you find it necessary to lodge a legitimate complaint, make sure it meets the criteria discussed above—purposeful, solution-oriented, understanding, kind, and whine-free.

Complaining is harmful to your reputation. If you must complain, make sure your words are constructive and that you handle yourself in a way that reflects positively on your character.

Click here to visit the site and/or comment on this post.

About the Author: Todd Smith is a successful entrepreneur of 29 years and founder of Little Things Matter. To receive Todd’s daily lessons, subscribe here. All Todd’s lessons are also available on iTunes as downloadable podcasts. (Todd’s podcasts are listed #38 in America’s top 100 podcasts.)

Are You an Optimist or a Pessimist?

It’s A New Day!

Our Lives are a Mirror Image of the Little Decisions we Make

What’s Your Value to the Market?

Count Your Blessings

The Toilet Bowl Syndrome

Carefully Select the People who Influence Your Life

Believe That You Can

Being Honest With Ourselves

Do You Get Defensive?

Learn to Enjoy What You Don’t Enjoy

What Are You Doing That Bugs People?

Enjoy Life’s Journey

The Ticking Time Bomb

What’s Your Borrowing Credit Score?

Todd Smith — Fri, 20 Aug 2010 07:45:30 +0000

You probably can’t remember the last time a neighbor asked to borrow a cup of sugar. Those days seem long gone. But I’ll bet you remember the last time you loaned something to a friend, family member or co-worker and had to follow up to get it back. Worse yet, you got it back but in poor condition.

Or, do you often find yourself on the other end of the transaction?

For example:

Do you have items which belong to someone else that you’ve been meaning to return, but haven’t gotten around to yet?

Have you lost, accidentally damaged or broken something borrowed and are ashamed to face the owner so you’re just hoping he never brings it up?

Building Your Borrowing Credit Score

What you may not realize is that, in many respects, the act of borrowing an item that belongs to someone else—whether it’s a book, a tool, or a vehicle—is a lot like building your credit record.

When you borrow an item and return it promptly and in good or better condition, that’s a plus for you. On the other hand, when you fail to return something or return it late, you create a negative impression in the eyes of others, and your borrowing trustworthiness score goes down. In fact, if the offense is significant, such as returning a vehicle dirty or boat on empty, you risk permanently damaging your relationship with that person.

Becoming a Good Borrower

Good borrowing etiquette is really quite straightforward: it requires you to return the item you borrowed in a timely (agreed upon) manner and in the same or better condition.

Although it’s really rather simple, most of us are guilty of violating these rules much more often than we should. While we can say, “It’s because I’m too busy,” the real reason people ignore borrowing etiquette is because they don’t believe it’s important.

I’m taking time today to remind you that being a good borrower is important. When you make the effort to return borrowed items on time and in good condition, you are communicating respect for others and their property. Because this is an area in which most people fall short, it helps you stand out as being responsible. What’s more, when you have a reputation as a good borrower, people are more willing to help you in the future.

Borrowing Tips

If you find it necessary to ask someone to borrow anything, here are five things you can do to build your borrowing trustworthiness and preserve your reputation:

1. When you borrow something such as a stapler from a co-workers desk, dental floss from another family members bathroom, or a weed trimmer from your neighbor, return what you borrowed as soon as you are done using it.

2. When you borrow something such as a book or movie from a friend, make a note on your calendar or your To Do list to return it.

3. If you borrow someone’s car, truck, boat, lawn mower or snowmobile, always return it with more gas than when you borrowed it.

4. If you have borrowed a vehicle for more than a day, I suggest filling it up with gas and washing it before returning it.

5. When you return the item, if appropriate, consider including a hand-written note of thanks.

Where there’s a borrower, there’s a lender. When you’re the one doing the lending, remember that it’s a good idea to keep track of anything you lend out, and don’t lend out items you really care about or couldn’t bear to lose.

Good borrowing habits most definitely matter. I encourage you to make a commitment today to never again return an item late or in worse condition than when you received it.

To help you maintain good relationships and preserve your reputation, ensure that your borrowing habits reflect positively on your character.

Click here to visit the site and/or comment on this post.

How to Keep From Forgetting Things

The Power of The Word “Please”

The Power of Personal Initiative

Your Greatest Obstacle

Our Lives are a Mirror Image of the Little Decisions we Make

The Importance of Being On Time

What’s Your Brand?
Cell Phone Etiquette

Stand Out From the Crowd

Becoming a Respected Leader

The Power of Showing Your Appreciation

Being Honest With Ourselves

What Is Easy to Do Is Easy Not to Do

What’s in Your Rulebook?

The Ticking Time Bomb

Todd Smith — Thu, 19 Aug 2010 07:45:00 +0000

Have you ever thought or said something like this? “If he does that one more time, I am going to lose it!” Or, “If she keeps treating me that way, I am going to give her a piece of my mind!” Or, “If this happens again, I won’t be able to restrain myself!”

These are examples of what I call the ticking time bomb. When I hear people say these types of things, I cringe and want to say “WARNING”. When you know in advance that you are going to retaliate if someone does or says something again, you are in danger of exploding and damaging your reputation.

Consider this true story.

Brenda was a senior sales associate in the Customer Service Department at a busy retail store. She was having difficulty with a complicated return, so she called Doug, the manager on duty, and asked for assistance.

Doug was a young, new manager who had been getting pulled in every direction all day. He asked with an exasperated tone, “Okay, Brenda, what are you having trouble with?”

Brenda explained the problem and asked Doug to help her.

Doug curtly replied, “That’s your job, Brenda. You figure it out. You have to learn to deal with this kind of situation yourself.”

Brenda, who was already frustrated, exploded loudly in front of all the customers and her associates. “I know how to do my job, Doug! I’ve been here a lot longer than you, so don’t insult me!”

After Doug left, Brenda turned to her customer and said, “I hate it when he does that. He does it all the time. He thinks he knows everything but he doesn’t.”

The customer with the return item felt awkward, believing it was her fault for causing the scene; the other associates tried to act like they hadn’t heard the conversation; and Brenda now had a lot of explaining to do when her shift ended.

You guessed it; Brenda was a ticking time bomb. She had clearly been harboring some ill feelings toward the new manager from other encounters. When under pressure, she was unable to hold it in any longer and lost control of her emotions.

Damage Assessment

This story is just one example of the many damaging repercussions of “losing it.” It could happen anywhere—at home, in the workplace, or even on the tennis court. My guess is we’ve all been there at one time or another.

Whether it’s a rare occurrence for you, or something you struggle with regularly, today’s lesson is about helping you make different decisions when you know you are about to lose it. When you feel this way, you benefit best by “putting a lid on it.” Don’t do or say something you will regret later.

Even though Brenda may have felt justified in her anger, her outburst reflected poorly on her ability to remain calm under pressure. She inflicted hurt and embarrassment on her supervisor, and she failed to project the level of professionalism that her employer requires and expects. Consider the other potential consequences:

Brenda must apologize if she wishes to repair the damage she has done.
She now has a strained working relationship with Doug at best, and possibly an irreparably damaged one.
She has lost the respect of her co-workers who now view her differently.
She may lose her job or chance of promotion.

I’ve exploded at times in my own life. I know that I have damaged my reputation, not only in the eyes of the person who received the brunt of my anger, but also in the eyes of everyone who bore witness. Even worse, I have done it with my wife. Like many of the lessons I share on Little Things Matter, I learned this one the hard way.

Use Your Awareness to Make the Right Decision

The next time you feel the tension rising and you start to think you can’t handle any more of someone or something, take a deep breath and exhale slowly. Pause to consider the damage you might cause to your job, reputation, or relationship if you don’t keep your emotions in check. Use this awareness to make sure you don’t say or do anything you will regret.

Warren Buffet— American investor, industrialist, and philanthropist—shares some of his wisdom in this quote: “It takes 20 years to build a reputation and five minutes to ruin it. If you think about that, you’ll do things differently.”

When you find yourself getting upset, challenge yourself to find a way of handling your frustration in a way that makes you proud. One of the things my wife always says when she knows I am upset with someone is “speak in love.” When I consider speaking in love to those who have angered me, it completely changes my attitude because I know it is the right thing to do.

Remember, when you choose to respond rather than react to a difficult situation, you demonstrate to others and yourself that you are in control of your emotions.

Click here to visit the site and/or comment on this post.

Our Lives are a Mirror Image of the Little Decisions

How to Consistently Make Good Decisions

What’s Your Brand?

What’s Your Value to the Market?

Is Your Attitude Helping or Hurting You? (Part 1)

The Value of Feedback and Criticism

When Quitting is the Best Decision You Can Make

Make a Good Last Impression

The Power of Self-Talk

The Toilet Bowl Syndrome

Carefully Select the People who Influence Your Life

Do You Get Defensive?

Praise or Criticize? When and Where?

Happiness is a Choice

Are You an Optimist or a Pessimist?

There Are Always Two Sides to Every Story

Are Your Expectations Hurting or Helping You?

10 Ways to Make People Feel Good

Todd Smith — Wed, 18 Aug 2010 07:45:14 +0000

I’m excited to share today’s lesson because it captures one of life’s simple yet powerful truths. When you focus on others rather than on yourself, you make a positive difference in two lives—yours and the person with whom you interact.

When you are intentional about doing things that make others feel good, you create a special connection that accelerates new relationships and nurtures existing ones.

The Values of Making People Feel Good

Recently, I talked about habits we have that bug people and the damaging effect that can have on our reputations. However, doing things that make people feel good is quite the opposite. Not only does it brighten someone’s day, but it’s a positive reflection on you and enhances your reputation.

Let’s look at a couple areas in your life and see the results.

In the workplace, making your co-workers feel good will enhance the work environment, making it more enjoyable; it will also increase your influence with them.

In your business, making your clients and customers feel good will draw them closer to you; it will also increase your sales.

In the home, it will bind your family members closer together, turning your house into a happy home.

Because I have seen the results of reciprocal goodwill in action, I am intentional in my own life about doing things that I know make people feel good.

Ten Ways to Improve People’s Lives

When you make people feel good, you enhance their self-image and give them energy, hope, and confidence. Below are ten simple ways you can make people feel good.

1. Encourage. What sunshine and rain do for flowers, encouragement does for humanity. Regardless of one’s position in life, everyone needs to hear words of encouragement.
“Three billion people on the face of the earth go to bed hungry every night, but four billion people go to bed every night hungry for a simple word of encouragement and recognition.” — Robert Cavett

2. Compliment Sincerely. You can compliment someone for a job well done or on an admirable characteristic you have noticed. If you can’t do it in person, don’t hesitate to use another means like a card, thoughtful email, or text message.

3. Praise Publicly. Boost someone’s confidence by commending their efforts in front of others, either verbally or in writing. You can also do this with people who serve you, such as a store clerk, waitress, or receptionist who has gone the extra mile to assist you.

4. Listen Thoughtfully. Focus on listening, not just hearing. When you are an attentive listener, people sense your care and concern and are comforted that their feelings and experiences are validated.

5. Serve Willingly. The next time you notice that a co-worker is under the gun and needs a hand, volunteer to help. Or offer to assist someone who has a task to do that they don’t want to do. In doing so, you will help them see themselves as worthy of your efforts and attention.

6. Show Genuine Interest. Ask about something important to them and concentrate on what they have to say. Remembering and commenting on their hobbies, sports, vacations, or family at a later date will prove that you have a sincere interest in their lives.

7. Express Love Unselfishly. Every person has a primary love language that dictates the ways they prefer to be loved. When we understand and love people the way they need to be loved (not just the way that satisfies our needs), it draws them closer to us and us to them. See a post from my wife Joy about this subject here.

8. Make a Friendly Call. It doesn’t have to be important or a special day, just call to let a friend or family member know you are thinking of them. Asking how someone is doing is always appreciated.
“The deepest principle of human nature is a craving to be appreciated.” —William James

9. Give a Gift. It doesn’t need to be expensive. It can be a small bouquet of flowers or a card. In this department, it’s most definitely the thought that counts. Hallmark has captured the essence in their advertisement: You cared enough to send. . .”

10. Smile Often. A sincere smile never goes out of style; it can mean different things to different people. A smile can brighten people’s day in an instant, and they’ll appreciate that you made the effort to acknowledge them.

Starting today, I encourage you to start doing the things like those listed above that make people feel good. If you need some additional inspiration, be sure to read my post, 25 Unexpected Ways to Make Someone’s Day. If you have some suggestions of your own, please share them in the comment section below.

Taking the time to make others feel good may be one of the most gratifying things you do; you’ll experience great rewards when you are the one responsible for positive changes in someone’s overall demeanor and attitude.

Click here to visit the site and/or comment on this post.

36 Ways to Make a Positive Impression in Less Than 10 Seconds

25 Unexpected Ways to Make Someone’s Day

Loving People the Way They Need to Be Loved

20 Tips for Positive Group Interactions

The Go Givers are the Winners

The Value of Remembering Names

The Power of Showing Your Appreciation

10 Ways To Be A Good Listener

10 Simple Ways to Show Your Sincere Interest in Others

The 12 Fastest Ways to Build Rapport (Part 1)

The 12 Fastest Ways to Build Rapport (Part 2)

10 Ways To Stand Out at The Next Party

Building Rapport By Making Others Comfortable

The Ripple Effect of a Smile

The End of Discrimination Starts With You

Todd Smith — Tue, 17 Aug 2010 07:45:54 +0000

Discrimination in our communities and in our places of work takes many forms, but it always involves some form of exclusion or rejection based upon a negative judgment toward a person’s gender, age, religion, race, weight, nationality, handicap, sexual preference, or height.

Today’s lesson addresses discrimination of all types and is intended to help you see that each of us plays an important role in ending discrimination against those with whom we live and work.

Although it seems as if the reasons we should be concerned about ending discrimination are so obvious they need not be stated, I think it’s important that we keep in mind how damaging discrimination really is. The list of why discrimination is wrong is long, but here are the two most powerful reasons:

Discrimination is dehumanizing. When you treat someone differently solely based on race, gender, age, etc., you deny the value of who they are as an individual.
Discrimination hurts. Whether discrimination is subtle or overt, people know when they are being discriminated against, and it’s painful.

What Discrimination Looks Like

Awareness of the problem of racial discrimination is probably the highest it’s ever been, and most would probably agree that we’ve made measurable progress on race issues in this country in the past generation. But we still have a long way to go.

To help frame how prevalent all forms of discrimination are today, let’s consider a few common examples:

A law firm has an unspoken rule that no female will make partner until a quota of male partners has been reached because they believe that clients have more faith in male attorneys than female attorneys.
A high-end salon turns away otherwise qualified applicants because they don’t have the right look.
A high-end restaurant uses a proprietary database to decline reservations for individuals who do not meet certain demographic qualifications.
A local civic organization denies membership to individuals who do not hold the political views that are predominant in the current group.

In each of these cases, the individuals who may be turned away are being discriminated against for a host of different reasons: their gender, their looks, their income, or their political affiliation.

I can think of no valid reason why anyone should be treated differently for factors beyond their control, nor should they be viewed negatively because of their beliefs.

Your Role in Stopping Discrimination

I titled this post, The End of Discrimination Starts With You because you are the only person you can change. If enough of us make a daily, conscious effort not to discriminate, it is possible for real societal change to take place.

In my own personal and professional life, I am more prone to help someone who I believe is discriminated against than someone who is not. When I see that someone is disadvantaged because of something beyond their control, I go out of my way to befriend them and help in any way I can.

Therefore, I am challenging you to start looking at everyone as equal, and going above and beyond to support those who likely feel discriminated against. When you do, you benefit from knowing it’s the right thing to do. In addition, you will be showing greater respect to those around you and will present yourself as someone with a balanced and tolerant worldview.

Begin Today

If you wish to join me in taking an active stance against all forms of discrimination, here are some ways you can begin.

Never again say anything negative or derogatory about anyone as it relates to things outside their control.
Be more aware of discrimination. When you witness it, ask yourself if there is anything you can do personally to remedy the situation. Then do it!
Be intentional about giving favor to those whom you know are being discriminated against.
Say the words and practice the behavior you want children to imitate. As parents and teachers, we have a huge influence on our children and their views.
Guard your thoughts and words when with those who make discriminating remarks. Stand up for what’s right.
Choose your friends carefully. People who discriminate are not friends of mine. Remember that you are the average of your five closest friends.

“It is often easier to become outraged by injustice half a world away than by oppression and discrimination half a block from home.” —Carl T. Rowan

Carefully Select the People who Influence Your Life

One of The Most Powerful Things You Can Say

What’s Your Brand?

Becoming a Respected Leader

Modeling Builds Rapport

10 Simple Ways to Show Your Sincere Interest in Others

The 12 Fastest Ways to Build Rapport (Part 1)

The 12 Fastest Ways to Build Rapport (Part 2)

Building Rapport By Making Others Comfortable

Be Open to the Ideas of Others

Taking a Good Look in the Mirror of Truth

What’s in Your Rulebook?

Building Relationships That Last

Todd Smith — Mon, 16 Aug 2010 07:45:02 +0000

Whether you’ve just recently dipped your toe into the pool of online social networking or you’ve been swimming in it for some time, you have probably realized that it’s all about relationships.

While the Internet now allows us to connect in new ways and stay connected regardless of where we are, the fundamental skills of building relationships remain unchanged.

Today’s lesson is an important reminder for all of us that the key to any long-term relationship is making sure that you give at least as much as you get.

The value of relationships

One of the most basic needs of humans is to have meaningful relationships with other people. Relationships connect us to each other in every aspect of our lives.

One of the greatest regrets many individuals express at the end of their lives is the lack of time they spent with their spouse, children, and special people. It’s time given to our loved ones and friends that fulfills us and brings meaning to our lives.

There are other benefits as well. Wholesome, long-term relationships bring happiness and health to our lives. Studies show that people with enriching relationships really do have more happiness and they experience less stress.

Long-term relationships require deposits

Enduring relationships are those that may last 5, 10, 15, or more years. Clearly, not every relationship falls into this category, but if you want to build a long-term relationship—one that feeds and sustains you in the different areas of your life—you will need to be deliberate about the time and attention you give.

For any relationship to last over a long period of time, it must be the kind where you offer value and meet the needs of the other person. I sometimes refer to this as making deposits into the relationship.

I like the way Anthony Robbins explains this concept.

“Some of the biggest challenges in relationships come from the fact that most people enter a relationship in order to get something. They’re trying to find someone who’s going to make them feel good. In reality, the only way a relationship will last is if you see your relationship as a place that you go to give, and not a place that you go to take.”

You can make deposits to any relationship by starting to do the little things that show your interest and that you truly care. Here are just a few of the 101 things you can do:

Send an email just to say hi without asking for anything.
Call to see how a son or daughter performed in a recent activity.
Send a card or email on a holiday or birthday to tell them you are thinking about them.
Express appreciation through a thank-you note or phone call for something done for you.
Help them in times of need.
Encourage them when starting new things.
Compliment them on the things they do well.
Be a support during times of struggle and grief.

I try my best to make regular deposits into all my relationships. From listening to offering a helping hand when needed, I am intentional about putting more into the relationships I value than I ever plan to take out. Not only does this give me satisfaction from knowing that this is the right thing to do, it feels good and draws me closer them.

How to nurture your relationships

The best way to nurture your relationships is to contribute to each of them according to their needs and expectations. Take a few moments to ask yourself these questions:

What are the specific needs and expectations of my employer, customer, or client?
What are the needs and desires of my spouse or significant other?
What do my friends need in their relationships with me?

To help you put this lesson into perspective, make a note of the five people closest to you. These should be people with whom you have or desire to have a lasting relationship. Include on your list at least one family member, one friend, and at least one person you work for or with whom you do business.

Next, ask yourself, What does ________ (someone’s name) need from a relationship with me and what can I do to provide it?

Remember that what you decide to deposit into each relationship should depend on that person’s specific needs.

When you start asking what you can do to improve your relationships with others—rather than asking what they can do for you—your relationships will bring you joy and satisfaction and brighten the lives of those you care about.

Carefully Select the People who Influence Your Life

Modeling Builds Rapport

The Fundamentals of Eye Contact

Cell Phone Etiquette

The Value of Remembering Names

The Power of Showing Your Appreciation

10 Ways To Be A Good Listener

10 Tips For Balancing Your Career and Family

10 Simple Ways to Show Your Sincere Interest in Others

What Will Be Your Legacy?

36 Ways to Make a Positive Impression in Less Than 10 Seconds

10 Ways To Stand Out at The Next Party

Loving People the Way They Need to Be Loved

Enjoy Life’s Journey

Connecting with Family

The Ripple Effect of a Smile

36 Ways to Make a Positive Impression in Less Than 10 Seconds

Todd Smith — Mon, 03 May 2010 07:45:48 +0000

There are literally hundreds if not thousands of little things we can do to raise the bar in our professional and personal lives. So many of these things are easy to do and can be accomplished in less than 10 seconds. They just require an intentional effort.

What is CRITICAL to understand is that your ultimate success, fulfillment and happiness will come from doing the little things that matter.

As entrepreneur and best selling author Harvey Mackay said, “Little things don’t mean a lot. They mean everything.”

Here is a short list of 36 things you can do in less than 10 seconds that will make you a better person, enhance your self-image and improve the quality of your life.

1. Make it a point to say the words ”I love you” to the people in your home every single day.
2. Offer a friendly authentic smile- a great smile radiates warmth, puts people at ease and makes you likable.
3. Make comfortable eye contact- your eyes send messages; establishing and maintaining eye contact with people demonstrates confidence, respect, and genuine interest.
4. Use someone’s name – everyone likes to hear and see his or her name.
5. Acknowledge people- smile and say hi to the people around you.
6. Express your appreciation- say “thank you” to everyone who does something for you even if they are paid to do it.
7. Be unselfish and put others first- it could be as simple as holding the door open for someone.
8. Offer a word of encouragement- sometimes this is all a person needs to build confidence and take the next big step. This is big!
9. Accept responsibility when you are wrong- it’s the sign of a person with character.
10. Be friendly- it lifts the attitude of others and is the #1 factor in being likable.
11. Maintain a positive mental attitude- your attitude is a choice and that choice is 100% within your control.
12. Be kind and considerate- to people you know as well as strangers.
13. Be like a dog and be the first to greet people- it helps new people entering the room feel more comfortable and demonstrates your interest in them.
14. Offer people you meet a warm greeting- this will set the tone for the entire encounter.
15. Say please- make it a habit to use the word please EVERY TIME you ask someone to do something for you even if they are paid to do it.
16. Get up and walk into the other room to speak to someone, rather than yelling.
17. Put the toilet seat down.
18. Turn your head and cover your mouth when you sneeze or cough.
19. Improve your body posture- poor posture is an indication of low self-esteem.
20. Say goodbye- make a good last impression.
21. Offer a proper handshake- a good, firm handshake demonstrates confidence and makes a good impression.
22. Give someone a hug- a hug is a sign that you really care for the other person.
23. Proof your email, text or post- this is an important component of portraying a professional online brand.
24. Click the LIKE button on someone’s Facebook post- it’s an easy way to demonstrate interest.
25. Turn off your phone in meetings- even though your phone may not make sounds, your eyes and attention will be diverted from the other people in attendance and your lack of attention demonstrates disrespect.
26. Repeat your phone number twice when leaving a voicemail- speaking slowly and repeating your phone number will make you stand out.
27. When scheduling appointments use the other person’s time zone- this avoids misunderstandings or missed opportunities.
28. Speak with life and energy in your voice- no one likes to be around people who are “dead, dull and lifeless.”
29. Walk with a bounce in your step- it’s evidence of an energetic attitude that ultimately leads to success.
30. Turn off the notifications that are bugging those around you.
31. Write things down- it prevents you from forgetting things that are important.
32. Say something positive to others about another person- reverse gossip.
33. Congratulate your opponent- good sportsmanship is evidence of leadership.
34. Introduce yourself- be proactive and introduce yourself to people whom you have never met.
35. Look for the good in others and tell them what you see- you have the ability to bring out the best in people, especially when they may not know it themselves.
36. Hold in that fart- the pain will go away in less than 10 seconds.

As you can see, each of these tips is easy to do. They don’t require any formal education or financial investment. We can begin to incorporate them into our lives this very minute. All we need is to be conscious of them and be willing to take 10 seconds to do them.

Let me encourage you to print out this list and put an asterisk beside the ones you are committed to working on. Track your results and see how you do.

This is just a small sampling of the things we can do in less than 10 seconds to make a positive impression on others. What are some other simple things we can do in less than 10 seconds? I look forward to reading them in the comments section below this post.

About the Author: Todd Smith is a successful entrepreneur of 29 years and founder of Little Things Matter. To receive Todd’s daily lessons, subscribe here.

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Make a Good Last Impression

Todd Smith — Mon, 26 Apr 2010 07:45:32 +0000

Making a good first impression is an important component of your brand. But equally important is your last impression. If you need to leave a relationship, an organization or a place of employment, the last impression you create is how you will be remembered. And how you are remembered will likely have long standing implications.

A good first impression may have landed you a job but a bad last impression could jeopardize your chances of getting other ones in the future. I admire those who leave their employers with great attitudes, when it would be easier to do otherwise.

It’s a small world out there, made even smaller by technology. To quote a somewhat trite but appropriate saying, “what goes around comes around.” During the early stages of my career, I was certainly naïve about this concept but the older I get the more I realize that my actions will dictate the lasting impressions I make in all my interactions. One damaged relationship can have far reaching implications.

If you leave a relationship on bad terms or you handle yourself in a tasteless manner, there is NO upside. Even if you feel good on the surface or somehow justify your actions, you will likely regret your behavior down the road.

Whether you are wronged, hurt, disrespected or mistreated in any way, how you react and respond is your choice. You are in control. You can act like a child and seek revenge by saying and doing bad things or you can hold your head high and handle yourself in a manner that makes you proud.

The benefits of leaving on a good note:

You will be respected. No matter what the circumstances were concerning your departure, if you handle yourself with class, people’s respect for you will grow.

People will speak highly of you. It is very difficult for people to speak poorly of people who handle themselves as honorable and admirable people.

Your self-image will increase. When you do things you shouldn’t do, these things damage your self-image. On the other hand, when you do what you know is the right thing to do it builds your self-image. This is especially true if doing the right thing is difficult.

You will get better references. If for whatever reason you leave your job, don’t allow yourself to think that you won’t need references from your employer or co-workers. Someone recently told me that a prospective employer wanted to personally speak to FIVE former co-workers before taking the interview process to the next stage.

If you want to advance your career and build your market value then your track record will be just as it sounds… your track record.

If I were to speak with a prospective employee’s references, I would definitely ask questions about the circumstances surrounding the employee’s departure. Their answers would reveal the applicant’s character and tell me how they would likely handle themselves if they were to leave my company.

Things in life rarely go exactly as we plan them. There will always be situations where we have to make a change. Sometimes serious ones like a marriage or a job and others not quite as significant. Regardless, be proud of the way you leave a situation and make your last impression a good one.

If you really want to stand out from the crowd, look for the good in others and leave by offering a genuine compliment.

Often times it’s the last impression a person makes that will be remembered.

About the Author: Todd Smith is a successful entrepreneur of 29 years and founder of Little Things Matter. To receive Todd’s daily lessons, subscribe here.

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