Here’s a poetic definition:

“Love is such a funny thing.

It’s shaped just like a lizard.

It wraps itself around your heart

And nibbles on your gizzard.”

That certainly defines love as a feeling.  But it’s much more. Although there are many kinds of love—love for a woman or a man; for a parent or a child; for a friend or a teacher—all have similar qualities.  This February let’s consider how we can show our love to those we care about.

Be a Servant
Love delights in serving others—doing little acts of kindness without being asked. Love is more concerned about enriching the life of another person than it is in gaining the advantage or improving one’s own life.

Be Considerate
Be considerate of the needs and wants of a partner, parent, child, or friend; love is more anxious to give than to receive.  Be sensitive to a person’s feelings and moods.  Be a good listener.

Forgive quickly
Forgiveness means to overlook the faults of others; to hold no grudges. Extend compassion and kindness when you have been wronged or offended—even if someone has not said, “I’m sorry.”  Be quick to mend broken relationships.

Show Appreciation
Make a list of things you appreciate in your spouse, child, or friend and then express them verbally.

Encourage Others
Be a builder of people. Encourage others by your words and deeds, lifting their spirits, cheering those in despair.

Show Respect
Avoid belittling or ridiculing one another with hurtful, destructive words or insulting remarks.  Don’t let today’s TV sitcoms become a pattern for your life.

Here is some helpful advice in a poem titled, “Love,” often attributed to the poet Roy Croft.

I love you for the part of me that you bring out;

I love you for putting your hand

into my heaped up heart and

passing over all the foolish, weak things

you can’t help dimly seeing there.

I love you because you are helping me

to make of the lumber of my life,

not a tavern but a temple;

Out of the words of my every day—

not a reproach, but a song.

Let’s build others up, strengthen their self-confidence, and support them in all their dreams and endeavors.

Remember: Love is an action verb.

About the Author: Mary E. Erickson is Todd Smith’s aunt and has edited every post on this blog and in his book. Almost everything Todd has learned about written communications can be attributable to his aunt.  Todd Smith is a successful entrepreneur of 32 years and founder of Little Things Matter. To receive Todd’s lessons, subscribe here.

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Happiness is a Choice

The opportunities available to you to make money are not just limited to what you earn pursuing your career.  You also make money by investing wisely, living frugally, and purchasing products and services at a discount.

Did you know you could save money on most of the things you buy?  Because of a new business I have started with my son Gerrid and son-in-law Josh, I have spent the last year studying and experiencing the fact that most individuals and companies have lower prices at which they will sell their goods and services than advertised.

In this blog you will learn some simple ideas that, when implemented into your daily life, can increase the dollars in your bank account.  I’m also excited to tell you about our new business and our goal to provide more than 100,000 meals to hungry children in October.

Believe it!  Live it

If you want to start saving money on the things you buy, saving money must become part of your shopping mindset.  By simply being intentional, I have saved thousands of dollars this year on products I have purchased.

Do you believe that saving money is time consuming?  It’s not, unless you are clipping grocery coupons from your local newspaper.  Most money-saving strategies take less than 60 seconds.  Let me show you how.

Saving Money Offline

Trying to get a better deal on the things I buy has become a game for me.  When I buy products at brick-and-mortar business establishments, I ask if they have any coupons or special deals.  In most cases, they do.

The other day, I started my errand running at Sports Authority.  When I got to the checkout, I asked if they had any coupons.  The customer service rep smiled, pulled out a $25 coupon from her drawer, and applied it to my order.

Then I went to the car wash.  I asked if they had any coupons.  The attendant told me about a special they were running on their coupon books.  Since that is where I get my car washed regularly, I bought the coupon book and saved 40% on my car washes, which amounted to a total savings of $50.

At lunch I ate at a Chinese buffet.  When paying my bill, I asked if they had any coupons.  The casher gave me a $2-off coupon.

Next I stopped to buy a new pair of running shoes.  When checking out, I asked if they had any coupons.  After scrambling through the drawer, the clerk found a coupon and I got 10% off my order—a $9 savings.

My last stop before returning home was at our local health food store.  When checking out, I asked about discount coupons.  For the first time on this trip, I was told no coupons were available.   But the cashier told me about their loyalty program: for every $350 a customer spends, he or she gets a $10 gift card, so I signed up.

By doing nothing more than asking for a discount when checking out, I was able to save $81 that day.  For years I had purchased many products at the listed price.  I never saved a penny because I never asked.

Not only can you save small amounts, but you also can save large amounts.

My wife’s car needed service: her A/C had stopped working and several other parts needed attention.  The service manager told me it would be $3,100.  I exhaled and asked, “What’s the best price you can offer me if I agree to get everything fixed now?”  He paused, did some calculations, and gave me $800 off!  That’s a substantial savings!

I have been shocked with my success rate at saving money. By simply taking five seconds to ask one question, you too will be amazed with the dollars you can save. The worst-case scenario is that they don’t have any coupons but you’ve lost nothing by asking.

If you plan in advance, you can find printable coupons online for your favorite stores and restaurants.  When my wife and I go on our weekly dates, we use coupons for our favorite restaurants.

You can find printable restaurant coupons for most restaurants in your town on Groupon.com, LivingSocial.com and Restaurant.com.  Most of these companies offer you the opportunity to buy $25-coupons for $10.

Saving Money Online

The most common way to save money when placing orders online is by using coupon codes or by clicking links on special offers that apply your savings at checkout.

Of the top 1000 online retailers, more than 50% percent of them offer online coupon codes and special deals, such as a percentage off an order, a dollar amount off an order, discounts on orders over a certain amount, free shipping, and numerous other types of specials and promotions.

To get these savings, you must either use a code—often referred to as a promo code or discount code—or click a special affiliate link that recognizes the coupon or discount you clicked. That savings is applied at checkout.

I was buying my wife a gift that had a sticker price of $78. During the checkout process I saw the box that said, “Promo Code.”  I did a simple search, found the code, and saved $35.  It took less than 30 seconds to open a new window, find the coupon code, and apply it to my order.  That’s like making $70 a minute or $4200 an hour.

Before you buy anything online, take 30 seconds to see if there is a coupon or special deal that can save you money.

Our New Business

The new business my son Gerrid and son-in-law Josh have started is called Save1.com.  With Save1 you can search for coupon codes and special deals from thousands of the top online brands in America.  When you find the best deal, simply click the coupon or special offer and follow the instructions in the pop up window displayed.

Each time you use one of our coupons or special deals to save money, we will use a portion of our commission to provide a nutritious meal for a hungry child.

Why child hunger? 

Did you know that while you slept last night, more children died from malnutrition than the total number of people killed in the 9/11 terror attacks?

Did you know that while you are working today, more children will die from the effects of malnutrition than the total number of U.S and ally soldiers killed in the Iraq war?

Each year more than six million children die from the impact of malnutrition; yet, we seldom hear about them.

We are a family committed to being a voice for these needy children and helping in the fight against child hunger and malnutrition.  We hope you will join us by using our site to save money and by helping us spread the word.

Read Our Story or watch our video below. See whom we have selected as our Feeding Partners, browse our Child Feeding FAQ, and learn about our commitment to Financial Integrity.

You will also enjoy seeing all the “little things” we did to create a positive user experience.

If you share Save1’s homepage, Like us on Facebook, or sign up for our newsletter, we will feed a child.  Do all three and we will provide three meals.

Save Money. Save Lives. Save1.com 

About the Author: Todd Smith is a successful entrepreneur of 31 years and founder of Little Things Matter. To receive Todd’s lessons, subscribe here. All Todd’s lessons are also available on iTunes as downloadable podcasts. (Todd’s podcasts are ranked #19 in America’s top 100 podcasts and #1 in the personal and development field.)

Excuses for Weaknesses

Have you ever heard people make excuses for poor performance?  Then they followed it by an explanation like this: “That’s just the way I am; it’s part of my DNA.”  Or, “That is one of my weak points.” Or, “I’m just not good at that.”  Then they blow it off like it’s acceptable.

How much respect would you have for someone who is always late and says, “I’m sorry, but it’s awfully hard for me to be on time.”

How successful would a tennis player be who is exceptional at every part of his game, but can’t serve?

How far within your organization would a person get who does his or her job well, but can’t communicate effectively with co-workers?

Or, think about the young father who is a dedicated dad but has a real problem with his temper.  How do you think his relationship would be with his wife and children if he thought, “I’m so good at everything else, I‘m just not going to worry about my temper?  They will have to accept me the way I am”?

For most of us, our weaknesses are relevant and the worst thing we can do is to ignore them or discount their importance.

Deal With Your Weakness

Author Nathaniel S. Summers said, “The strength of a person is often weighed by how they deal with their weaknesses.” 

When I started my entrepreneurial career 31 years ago, my English was awful. (It had been my worst subject in school.)  It quickly became clear to me that if I wanted to be successful, I would have to focus on my written communications and make them a strength.  Today, I proof all my emails and consider the little things I can do to improve my messages, even if they’re casual emails going to my family and friends.

I am an extreme introvert but, because I consciously work on it, no one would ever know if I did not tell them.  I realized if I were going to be successful, I would have to push myself outside my comfort zone and work on my people skills and make them a strength.

How do you feel about your weaknesses?  Are you intentional about working on them or have you fallen into the trap of thinking they don’t matter?  Do you think or say, “That’s just the way I am.  I can’t help it.  Don’t expect me to change”?

If your co-workers sat in a conference room and made a list of your greatest weaknesses, what would be on the list?  As you consider the things they would discuss, how many of those things could you improve tomorrow, if you were intentional?

If your spouse or significant other were to make a list of the things you do that bug him or her, what would be put on the list?  As you think of the most likely answers, how hard would it be to stop doing those things, if you really tried?

Rewards for Turning Weaknesses into Strengths

What many people don’t realize is that their weaknesses are holding them back from enjoying more meaningful relationships, advancing their careers, improving their self-images and confidence, and living happier lives.

I am a firm believer that when you do the little things that you know you should do, without excuses, you feel better about yourself and the person you are becoming.  When you blow them off or discount them, your subconscious knows the truth.  When you repeatedly fail to do the things you know you should do, it’s impossible to feel good about yourself.

The fact is that 95% of the weaknesses I see holding people back are things they could change today, by simply being intentional.

My Three Challenges For You

1.  Change Your Attitude.

Never again allow yourself to think or believe that weaknesses are irrelevant.  You can change weaknesses into strengths.

Michael Jordan said, “My attitude is that if you push me towards something that you think is a weakness, then I will turn that perceived weakness into a strength.”

2.  Acknowledge your weaknesses.

The first step towards improving your weaknesses is to openly acknowledge them.

3. Be Intentional.

Choose one weakness and start today to work on it at home, at work, and in your social circles.

For most people, it’s not the lack of focus on their strengths that holds them back; it’s the lack of focus on their weaknesses!

About the Author: Todd Smith is a successful entrepreneur of 31 years and founder of Little Things Matter. To receive Todd’s lessons, subscribe here. All Todd’s lessons are also available on iTunes as downloadable podcasts. (Todd’s podcasts are ranked #19 in America’s top 100 podcasts and #1 in the personal and development field.)

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Here are 10 tips in sequential order that will help you increase the odds of achieving your goals:  (Each link is one of my related lessons.)

1.  Identify what’s important to you!  The only goals you will succeed in reaching are those that are truly important to you. If a goal is not meaningful or significant to you, you will quit when faced with obstacles. Take 30 minutes and make a list of the things that are truly essential in your life; those that you highly value. Then highlight the most important points on that list and set your goals.

2.  Learn from those who have already achieved “your” goals.  Once you are clear on what you truly want to achieve, your next step is to learn what you need to know. The best source of knowledge will come from those who have already reached goals similar to yours. Identify people you respect and admire, who have achieved the goals you desire, and learn as much as you can from them.

3.  Determine the person you need to become.  Far too often people focus on what they need to do to achieve their goals and fail to consider who they must become. To accomplish something you have never accomplished before, you must be willing to do what you’ve never done before; go where you’ve never been before; become someone you’ve never been before.

As you learn from those who have achieved “your” goals, pay as much attention to their personal attributes and characteristics as you do to what they did to realize their goals.

4.  Put together a plan.  After learning from and studying those who have been successful in reaching similar goals, your next step is to put together your plan. You need to clearly outline what you need to do and when, step-by-step, and then reduce those steps into daily activities. Knowing exactly what you need to do every day is critical to achieving any worthwhile goal.

5.  Ask, “Am I willing to pay the price required to achieve my goal?  After you complete your plan, be honest with yourself and determine if your goal is important enough to you that you will discipline yourself to do what’s required each day to achieve your goal. One of the biggest reasons people fail to reach their goals is because they are not willing to do what’s required over a sustained period of time.  How about you.

6.  Allocate the time required.  Your next step is to block out the time necessary each day to work your plan. If you are like most people (and that includes me), you will need to give something up that’s less important so you have the time to achieve what’s more important. Blocking out time each day to work your plan is vital.  Success comes from consistent daily action!

7.  Get started.  Once you have learned what you need to know, divided your plan into daily activities, and blocked out time each day to do the assigned tasks, it’s time to Work Your Plan. Start tomorrow! When the time you’ve blocked out arrives, push yourself to do what you know you should do without any further delay. It’s time for action. You could continue to study dozens of books, listen to CDs, and interview successful people (all helpful), but the greatest, most practical knowledge comes from implementing what you’ve learned.

8.  Make wise decisions.  Your odds of achieving your goals dramatically improve when you follow a logical process of making your decisions, both big and small. With each decision you make, consider all your options; write down the pros and cons of each option.  From there, the right decision is usually obvious.

9.  Refuse to allow excuses.  The No.1 reason people fail to achieve their goals is because they allow themselves to make excuses for not doing what they know they should do. One of the most crucial keys to success is doing what you know you should do, every day, even when you don’t feel like doing it.  This means NEVER allowing yourself to justify not doing what you know you should do. Make a commitment that you will not make excuses under any circumstances!

10.  Strive for excellence.  The No.1 key to my success over the last 31 years is that I have always strived (and I still strive) for excellence in whatever I do. I analyze everything I’ve done and consider how I can do it better. As you work your plan each day, evaluate everything you are doing and consider how you can refine what you are doing so that your results improve. The compounding effect of small daily improvements is powerful. The best of the best are those who strive for constant and never-ending improvement.

If you will take the time to study each of the above tips and the corresponding lesson highlighted in many of them, you will significantly increase your odds of achieving your goals. The reason many people fail to achieve their goals is because they are unwilling to do what is necessary over the required period of time. If you’re like most people (and that includes me), you will go through periods of discouragement and disappointment. That’s normal.

When you get down, remember “Quitters never win and Winners never quit.” Remind yourself that the reason you will achieve your goals is because you are a winner, not a quitter! Step out from the crowd and build a life for yourself that makes you proud!

About the Author: Todd Smith is a successful entrepreneur of 31 years and founder of Little Things Matter. To receive Todd’s lessons, subscribe here. All Todd’s lessons are also available on iTunes as downloadable podcasts. (Todd’s podcasts are ranked #19 in America’s top 100 podcasts and #1 in the personal and development field.)

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One of the things I enjoyed this past year was observing the attributes of men and women who are admired leaders—at home, in the work place, and in the community. I have also watched the wannabe leaders and have seen quite a contrast between the two groups.

John C. Maxwell, arguably the No. 1 leadership trainer in the United States, defines leadership in one word: Influence. Ten years ago when I first heard him share his definition of leadership, I questioned whether a topic as broad, significant, and important as leadership could be defined by one word.

With the passing of years, I have come to believe that Maxwell was exactly right. Leadership is all about influence—the capacity to be a compelling force to produce effects on the actions, behavior, or opinions of others, usually in intangible or indirect ways. When you have influence, doors open, people listen, and life’s winds blow at your back.

Assuming that’s true, how do you gain influence? The answer is also one word: Respect. When people respect you, you have influence. When people don’t respect you, you don’t have influence.

Value of Respect

In your personal life, doing the little things to earn people’s respect affects how your family, friends, and folks in the community perceive you. Do people listen closely to what you say, or do they immediately discount it? Are you included in social events or excluded? When you call, is the phone answered or ignored?

In the workplace, being a person who is respected is the single most important element in advancing your career. It impacts everything from how people in the organization view you personally to the quality of work produced by your team.

In his book 360°Leader, John C. Maxwell points out that leadership is not just leading those who are subordinate to you; it’s leading everyone around you.

This includes those senior to you, your co-workers in other departments, and those who work under your direction. When people respect you, regardless of where they serve within an organization, you will have influence with them.

Power of Influence

It’s critical to recognize that becoming a respected person is not about doing one or two sizeable jobs exceptionally well or becoming a top producer within your company. It’s about becoming a person who is respected for the way you manage your life and relate to people. Respect is something you earn as a result of your actions and attitude. It comes by making the right decisions consistently, over a period of time.

Here’s a way to get an idea of the level of influence you likely have with people. What would your family, friends and co-workers say if they were asked the following questions? (Insert your name in the spaces)

• Does ________show respect to others at all times?
• Is ________ someone who is intentional about returning calls, emails and text messages in a timely manner?
• Does ________ value people’s time by making it a point of always trying to be on time for his/her appointments.
• How does ________ handle himself/herself when under pressure?
• Is ________someone you view as financially responsible?
• Does ________ do what he/she says he/she is going to do?
• Does ________show a genuine interest in what people are saying and seldom interrupts?
• Has there ever been a time when you questioned _______ integrity?
• Does ________ exercise, eat right, and take care of his/her health?

These characteristics and the hundreds of little things I’ve highlighted in my previous 200 blog articles as well as in my book play a major role in the way you are branded in the minds of people who know you.

Don’t ever allow yourself to think something doesn’t matter! You can build a great brand for yourself over 10 years and then destroy it in one minute thinking something doesn’t matter!

To become the kind of person that others look up to with approval, appreciation and admiration, you need to be intentional about doing the things—both big and little—that will positively influence how people perceive you.

Life is largely about relationships. When you make decisions that cause people to grow in their respect for you, you will develop deeper, more rewarding, longer lasting relationships. As a result, you will be happier, you will feel better about yourself and your life will become more fulfilling!

The secret to becoming an influential leader is to be intentional about doing the little things that will cause people’s respect for you to grow!

About the Author: Todd Smith is a successful entrepreneur of 31 years and founder of Little Things Matter. To receive Todd’s lessons, subscribe here. All Todd’s lessons are also available on iTunes as downloadable podcasts. (Todd’s podcasts are ranked #19 in America’s top 100 podcasts and #1 in the personal and development field.)

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Responsibility Reflects Character

The key to living a happy and fulfilling life is to make wise decisions; decisions about where you live and work; decisions in how you treat and interact with others; decisions about how you spend money and handle difficult situations. But perhaps the most important of all is where you are leading your life.

Where are you going? What do you want your life to look like five years from now? Ten years from now? Twenty years from now? Are you going drift with the tides or are you going to determine where you want to go, strap on a 200 HP motor, and start moving in that direction?

Like many people I know, I am trying to get clear on what I want to do with the rest of my life. I have achieved all my major goals thus far; so now I have to figure out where I want to go from here. As part of my soul-searching process, I have answered ten important questions I think everyone should ask of themselves.

Regardless of your station in life, you will benefit from answering these questions. Perhaps they will confirm that you are on the right track. Or, they may open your mind to opportunities you haven’t previously considered. They may reveal the missing link in your quest to find happiness and fulfillment in your life.

Finding clarity and direction for your life

1.  What is important to me today? Start by identifying what’s currently important to you. To find the answer, simply look at how you spend your time. This is evidence to you and everyone watching your life as to what appears important to you at this point in time.

2.  What should be important to me? Once you examine the activities that fill your days, you will begin to realize some activities contribute more positives to your life than others. For example, time spent watching TV or surfing the web compared to time invested in relationships, personal growth, or worthwhile projects. It’s time to do some soul-searching and make a list of the things that are truly important to you.

3.  What do I want my life to look like? When you look 5, 10, 20, or 30 years into the future, what do you want your life to look like? What do you want to be doing with your time? Where do you want to be living?

4.  What do I want my days to look like? What type of daily routines would you enjoy? From the time you get up to the time you go to bed, what do you want the typical day to look like?

5.  What would I enjoy the most? Let loose and make a list of everything that fills you up inside. What excites you? What energizes you? Where’s your passion? Keep writing until you are done.

6.  What are my greatest strengths? If your family and friends were asked to describe your most impressive attributes, what would they say? What do you do better than others? What distinguishes you? What makes you stand out from the crowd?

7.  In what areas do I have extensive knowledge? In what areas have you spent the most time? Where would you say you have more knowledge than most people?

8.  What’s the greatest value I offer to the market? Make a list of every skill, talent, and ability you have; then put a dollar value next to each one. Your goal is to identify where your personal services offer the highest value to the market.

9.  How much money do I want to make? If you are looking to make a major career decision, you must decide how much money you want to make. Based on where you find yourself today, how important is money to you and how much do you want to earn?

10.  What would my criteria be in selecting something new to do? Twenty-one years ago I made a list of what I believed would be the perfect business for me. Then I went on a search, quickly ruling out businesses that didn’t meet my criteria. Finally I found a business that met all 35 points on my criteria list. Making this list was one of the wisest things I have ever done.

As you process your answers to these questions, ask yourself one more question. What are my options? Make a list of every option available to you that aligns with your lists. After draining your brain of all possible options, review the pros and cons of each option. Consider seeking advice from people you respect. You might just discover an unchartered coastline that leads you to your dream destination.

Ben Stein said, “The indispensable first step to getting the things you want out of life is this: decide what you want.”

Have you recently gone through a major change in your life? What lessons did you learn that could help our readers? Do you have any questions that should be answered? Please share your insights in the comments section below this post.

To get crystal clear on what you want to do with your life, be willing to examine your current lifestyle, ask yourself soul-searching questions, take time to create lists of your choices and goals, and let your sub-conscious mind help form a plan. Then move forward to a more rewarding life.

Click here to visit the site and/or comment on this post.

About the Author: Todd Smith is a successful entrepreneur of 30 years and founder of Little Things Matter. To receive Todd’s lessons, subscribe here. All Todd’s lessons are also available on iTunes as downloadable podcasts. (Todd’s podcasts are ranked #22 in America’s top 100 podcasts and #1 in the personal and development field.)

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Now put yourself in the position of the employee. How would your employer rate your services? The fact is it’s the “little things” you do and don’t do that have a direct impact on your raises, promotions, and influence within an organization. The way you are viewed will not only impact your success at your current place of employment, but it will also affect the recommendations and references that follow you if you leave.

Here are 15 “little things” that will increase your value to your employer and make you stand out as a person who takes pride in your job.

Become an Employee of Influence

1.  Arrive Early and Stay Late. Arriving promptly at your designated start time and then hurrying out the door the moment your workday ends tells management your job is not your priority. You’ll make a positive impression if you arrive early and don’t rush out the door at the end of the day.

2.  Skip occasional breaks. As a business owner, I was always impressed with employees who would work through their breaks when we had deadlines to meet. Their actions told me they realized the urgency and importance of completing the task and were willing to voluntarily forgo their break to get the work done.

3.  Take pride in how you dress and groom yourself. If you want to be taken seriously at work, start with your appearance. This applies to Fridays, too. If management is not dressing down on Fridays, follow their lead and remain in professional dress on Fridays.

4.  Leave your personal life at home. You may have a close work friend in whom you confide when you’re having personal difficulties, but don’t let the word spread about your personal problems. Also avoid communicating with your family and friends during the times you are being paid to do your job.

5.  Be upbeat and friendly. For most of us our workplace is our home-away- from-home. As you go through your workday make it a point to keep your energy levels high, acknowledge people, and be friendly. Be known as the person who always has a positive attitude. It will make for a better work environment for everyone.

6.  Cut the constant chit chat and do your work. Maybe it’s just me, but I have a hard time with people who can’t keep their mouths shut when they should be focusing on their work. I have an even harder time when I am the one paying them.

7.  Avoid speaking poorly of your co-workers. If your workplace really is your home-away-from-home, then why speak inappropriately of your co-workers? Speaking negatively of your co-workers will not only damage your relationships, but it will undermine your credibility. Instead, be the voice of encouragement, praise, and support.

8.  Take pride in your written communications. Everything you type or write as an employee of a company is not only a reflection on your personal brand, but it’s also a reflection on the company’s brand.

9.  Strive for excellence in your work. Be responsible and make sure you complete your responsibilities on time with excellence, even if it requires that you take some projects home.

10.  Keep your workplace clean. No matter how much stuff seems to keep piling up on your desk, do your best to keep it organized. If someone’s workplace is messy and disorganized, why would they be any different?

11.  Respond to emails after business hours. I am always impressed with people who check and respond to their business emails during non-business hours. It tells me they take their work seriously. Upper level management knows who’s contributing during non-business hours.

12.  Stay collected when the pressure builds. How people handle themselves when their backs are against the wall reveals a lot about the person. Pressure reveals weaknesses and separates those who are ready for advancement from those who aren’t.

13.  Take notes. Writing down what others say in meetings shows you are unwilling to run the risk of forgetting something. This works the same way when your waitperson writes down your order. Doesn’t it make you feel more assured when people write down their instructions?

14.  Watch your social media brand. How your co-workers view your social media posts will have a huge impact on how they view you as a person. There is no distinction between your personal and professional life in the social media world. Don’t be fooled into thinking that because people aren’t connected with you, they won’t see your posts or photos.

15.  Get involved. Show that you’re serious about your career by volunteering to lead department projects, or by getting involved with company fundraisers, or by offering to help with social activities.

There are many more “little things” you can do to stand out as someone worthy of respect and admiration if you will look for them. Pay close attention to the attributes of those senior to you in your organization. There’s a lot you can learn by observing successful people you respect.

What tips can you share? What are the things you respect about a co-worker? What are the things that cause you to lose respect for people you work with? Please share your experiences in the comment section below this post.

You may want to read the related posts below to enhance how you are viewed at work and to increase the value you bring to the market.

If you want to elevate your influence and credibility within your workplace, then build a brand for yourself that makes you stand out from your peers.

Click here to visit the site and/or comment on this post.

About the Author: Todd Smith is a successful entrepreneur of 30 years and founder of Little Things Matter. To receive Todd’s lessons, subscribe here. All Todd’s lessons are also available on iTunes as downloadable podcasts. (Todd’s podcasts are ranked #22 in America’s top 100 podcasts and #1 in the personal and development field.)

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If you want to experience less stress, enhanced relationships, improved health, and better time management, then you must learn to set boundaries. Learn to take control of your life.

When you don’t stand up for yourself and set boundaries, negative things happen: people take advantage of you; life becomes chaotic; you feel abused; your strong self-esteem fades away; and you struggle to find joy and fulfillment in your life.

Here Are 12 Responses You Can Use to Set Boundaries With . . .

1.  An angry person. You could say, “You are a valued customer, but I will not tolerate this type of verbal abuse. If this is how you are going to treat me, I need to hang up the phone.”

2.  Callers phoning you at home during your family time. “From 6:00 until 8:00 is the time I have allocated to be with my family. If you call during that window, I will return your call after 8:00.”

3.  Family or friends who often interrupt you at work. “I want to honor my employer during the hours I am being paid to do my work. Unless something is an emergency, please text me and I will call you during lunch or after I leave the office.”

4.  Your children texting their friends during family time. “Our family time is sacred. When we are spending time together, please leave your phones in your bedrooms.”

5.  People who ask you to accept additional tasks. You could say, “While this organization and the people in it are very important to me, I can’t make any new commitments until I fulfill my current list of responsibilities.”

6.  Someone who is being disrespectful. “I value you as a friend, but I cannot continue in this relationship if this is how you are going to treat me.”

7.  Your parents who keep prying into your personal affairs. “Mom and Dad, I love you, but I respectfully ask that you not continue to probe into my personal life.”

8.  An adult child who is always asking to borrow money. You might say, “I love you and want the best for you, but I will not be loaning you any more money. It’s important that you take responsibility for your own finances and learn to live within your means.”

9.  Someone who keeps commenting on your weight. “I appreciate your concern for my weight and health; however, I ask that you please stop making critical comments about my weight.”

10.  A person who makes sarcastic and cutting comments. You could say, “I don’t know if you realize it, but your sarcastic comments are not kind, considerate or respectful. If you value our relationship, I ask that you stop making those unnecessary jabs at me.

11.  Your co-workers or colleagues who are constantly interrupting you while you’re working. “When there is something you would like to discuss with me (unless it’s an emergency) let’s schedule an appointment to talk via _____(email). This will allow me to focus on my work and to give you my full attention during our scheduled appointments.”

12.  Your spouse or business partner who is making decisions without you. You could say, “I admire your ability to quickly make decisions; however, when those decisions impact me, I would appreciate being included in the decision-making process. Is that fair enough?”

Other boundaries could include such things as refusing to accept calls while you are with other people, taking time to exercise regardless of how busy you may be, putting a limit on the time you will spend watching TV, and refusing to engage in certain types of conversations.

Learning How to Set Boundaries

The first step in learning to set boundaries is self-awareness. For example, pay close attention to the situations when you lose energy, feel stress or guilt, get upset, or want to cry. Begin by identifying the things that bother you.

As you set boundaries with people, always be respectful, control your emotions, and use a respectful tone. You may feel uncomfortable at first, but as you begin to see the power of setting boundaries and the freedom it gives you, setting them will get easier.

When you do set boundaries, don’t feel like you need to defend, debate, or detail your feelings. Instead, clearly explain your position; be firm, gracious and direct.

If someone apologizes when you set a boundary, simple say, “Thank you, I knew you’d understand and I appreciate you honoring my request.”

Caution: Make sure the boundaries you set are highly important to you. If you are constantly setting boundaries, people may get tired of living by your rules.

When you have set a boundary, you need to stand firmly behind it. Stay strong. When faced with resistances or repeat occurrences restate your position. If you give in, people won’t respect your boundaries and you will open the door for future abuse.

If abusive behavior continues, consider severing the relationship. No one has the right to take advantage of you or intrude upon your lifestyle. Sometimes you need to take a step back to go forward.

Setting boundaries enhances your personal power, frees you from abuse, and gives you greater control your life.

Click here to visit the site and/or comment on this post.

About the Author: Todd Smith is a successful entrepreneur of 30 years and founder of Little Things Matter. To receive Todd’s lessons, subscribe here. All Todd’s lessons are also available on iTunes as downloadable podcasts. (Todd’s podcasts are ranked #22 in America’s top 100 podcasts and #1 in the personal and development field.)

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Early in my career, I recognized that rapport is one of the most important characteristics of human interaction. I realized that if I were going to be a successful Realtor, I would need to learn how to quickly build rapport with people. I studied; I researched; and I finally compiled a list of “little things” that would help me to quickly build rapport. (See The 12 Fastest Ways to Build Rapport.)

Being able to build instant rapport with people offers numerous benefits. If we know how to quickly connect with people, we can use this knowledge in job interviews, business meetings, networking events, attracting a partner, and many other situations where the speed in which we build rapport matters.

What Is the Connecting Element?

Since starting this blog more than a year ago, I have been monitoring how I feel about new people I meet. My goal has been to identify the little things that quickly attract me to people as opposed to those little things that repel me from people.

When I felt an immediate connected with someone, I analyzed our interactions. I asked myself several questions: “Why does my gut tell me this is a quality person?” “Why did my sub-conscious draw me to this person?” “Why do I like this person?”

The one common thread—among those with whom I felt an immediate connection—was that I believed they truly cared about me. Wow! So simple? The people I was most attracted to were those whom I instinctively felt really cared about me as a person.

Next I wanted to identify the distinguishing characteristics of those people to figure out why I felt they cared about me. In evaluating all the factors there was one thing that stood out to me that I had never consciously thought about before. It was the look on their faces.

The “I Care About You” Look

The I-care-about-you look communicates that you genuinely, deep down inside, care about someone. It’s the look that instantly builds trust, makes you likable, and makes people feel a special connection with you.

What would someone’s face look like who has an authentic interest in you as a person? Would these words come to your mind?

• Unhurried—Nothing is more important than you right now.
• Attentive—I would really enjoy learning more about you and your interests.
• Eye contact—I like you.
• Comfortable—I feel relaxed in your presence.
• Warm Smile—I am really enjoying our time together.

The I-care-about-you look is the look your best friend gives you. It’s the look your spouse or significant other gives you. It’s the look that the people who really do care about you have on their face when they see you. It’s the look that results from a cluster of facial expressions that says, “I care about you.”

How to Implement the “I Care About You” Look

The most difficult challenge in implementing this “I care about you” look is that it has to be genuine. I can quickly pick up on the things people do when they are trying to build an in-authentic relationship with me.

Are you the same way? Can you tell the difference between the people who really care about you from the people who acting as though they interested in you?

There is only one effective way to show people they are important to you and that is to truly care about them as people—not because of what they can offer to you. Reframe how you look at people and instead of looking at them as objects, look at them as people worthy of your love, respect and attention.

For the next 24 hours focus on looking at each person you meet as someone you really care about. Put yourself in a state of mind where you care deeply for the other person. Make sure the words you speak, the questions you ask, and your body language all align to say, “I care about you!”

Whether it’s the store clerk, the bank teller, your co-worker, client, spouse, child, or parent, slow down and be intentional about making them feel like the most important person on earth.

If you really want to challenge yourself, change the way you look at those people where there’s tension or hurt feelings in your relationship. It takes a BIG person to look past the faults in others and find what’s special about them.

Your success in life and in business will greatly depend upon building friendly relationships. Create a bond of trust and get “in sync” quickly with people you meet by wearing that I-Care-About-You Look.

Click here to visit the site and/or comment on this post.

About the Author: Todd Smith is a successful entrepreneur of 30 years and founder of Little Things Matter. To receive Todd’s lessons, subscribe here. All Todd’s lessons are also available on iTunes as downloadable podcasts. (Todd’s podcasts are ranked #20 in America’s top 100 podcasts and #1 in the personal and development field.)

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It’s true. Your body is a crucial part of communicating your inner feelings. Of course, we can’t communicate ideas, thoughts, and plans without words. However, the way people interpret those words is tremendously influenced by our non-verbal communication.

In her research, Dr. Isa Engleberg (Professor of Speech at Prince George College) has suggested that between 60 and 70 percent of all meaning—understanding—is derived from our body language.

What is body language? It’s a form of non-verbal communication consisting of facial expressions, eye movements, gestures, and posture. Here are a few examples:

• Face: smiling shows happiness; frowning shows disapproval.
• Eyes: attentive gaze shows interest; rolling the eyes shows disgust.
• Gestures: nodding the head shows agreement; tapping fingers on table shows boredom or impatience.
• Posture: leaning forward shows eagerness, acceptance, or interest; slumped over shows discouragement.

The messages we send through these expressions and gestures play a key role in people’s interpretation of the words we speak, strongly influencing how we are viewed. John Locke, a British philosopher of the 1600s, said, “I have always thought the actions of men are the best interpreters of their thoughts.”

In today’s lesson I want to focus on the destructive consequences of unattractive body language and the negative messages we send based on our uncontrolled feelings and emotions. If you wish to communicate well, then it makes sense to understand how you can (and cannot) use your body to say what you mean.

What we see consciously

To quickly grasp the importance of this subject, consider these comments that co-workers have said. What body language signaled this response? What inner emotion was each person experiencing?

1.  “He certainly got up on the wrong side of the bed this morning.”

2.  “I guess she didn’t get the sale yesterday.”

3.  “He must have stayed out partying last night.”

4.  “What’s she in such a huff about?”

5.  “Wow! He looks like he’s just been run over by a truck.”

All of these attention grabbers had a negative impact on how co-workers viewed them.

What we register sub-consciously

The intriguing side of body language is that what we see affects us at the subconscious level as well—meaning that we notice things intuitively without stopping to consciously think about them. What makes this disturbing is the fact that the signal we give off through our body language creates lasting images of who we are and it influences people’s opinions of us without a conscious thought.

If you harbor hard feelings or have a bad attitude, you don’t need to wonder if people know. They do and it never reflects well on you. If you are pouting because your idea wasn’t accepted, you can be assured that everyone in the office knows and it’s impacting their judgment of you.

The messages you allow your body to give off not only influence how you are viewed at that very moment but, when repeated over time, play a significant role in the way your brand is etched in their minds.

As an example, if something doesn’t go your way and your body language tells everyone you’re upset, people quickly detect that you’re displeased. If you appear this way every time something doesn’t go your way, then you will likely be viewed as a “big baby,” “a spoiled person,” or “Mama’s boy.”

On a positive side, if you handle a challenging disagreement without appearing rattled, then people will think, “I’m impressed by the way she handled that situation.” If you continue to control your emotions and body language, then you will become known as someone who’s in control of your actions and behavior.

Recognizing destructive body signals

It’s important to recognize destructive body language so that you can become aware of the messages you are broadcasting. Remember that your posture, gestures, and mannerisms can overpower the words you speak and influence people’s assessment of you.

What body signals would convey a message for the following negative feelings?
Aggravation, frustration, disgust, depression, distraction, annoyance, skepticism.

Controlling your body language

If you want to be held in high regard, then it’s critical that you learn how to control the signals you give through your body language, especially the negative ones.

1. The first step in controlling your body language is awareness. Start paying attention to the non-verbal signals you are sending. This is not about trying to control one element of your body language, such as a specific facial expression. It’s the big picture message you are sending that results from a cluster of indicators.

2. The second step is to control your emotions and feelings, especially your negative ones. Some of the most undesirable non-verbal messages we send stem from what Zig Ziglar called, “Stinking thinking.” What we choose to think about when faced with a challenging situation is a choice. The choice we make is often communicated before one word comes out of our mouths.

I want to challenge you to start being aware of the messages you are sending though your body language. Take control of your emotions and feelings and don’t allow yourself to display non-verbal language that could have a negative impact on how you are viewed.

Body language plays a significant role in all aspects of work and business as well as in relationships at home and in the community. Control your emotions and avoid those signals that can destroy the image of the person you want to become.

Click here to visit the site and/or comment on this post.

About the Author: Todd Smith is a successful entrepreneur of 30 years and founder of Little Things Matter. To receive Todd’s lessons, subscribe here. All Todd’s lessons are also available on iTunes as downloadable podcasts. (Todd’s podcasts are ranked #22 in America’s top 100 podcasts and #1 in the personal and development field.)

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