Monthly Archives: December 2010

12 Ways to be the Perfect Holiday Party Guest

Since most of us will be attending holiday parties in the coming weeks, I want to give you a few timely reminders on what I call party etiquette.  When my family makes sure to do these things, our efforts are noticed and appreciated.

Consider these 12 little things when you’re invited to someone’s party this holiday season:

1. RSVP—When you receive an invitation to an event, make it a priority to respond to the invitation ASAP, even if you cannot attend. When people send invitations, they expect a response in a timely manner. Don’t let your name appear on the unconfirmed list and have your host continue to wonder whether or not you are coming.

2. Offer to come early—If you have ever hosted an event at your home, you know the amount of planning and preparation that goes into making it special for everyone. If the people hosting the event are close friends or family, offer to come early to help with the setup. Even if they don’t accept your offer, they will appreciate you asking.

3. Call to see if they need anything—When attending a party with family or close friends, text or call the host before you leave your home and ask if there is anything you can pick up on the way. (A bag of ice or coffee creamer is often needed.) It’s a nice way to show you care and are willing to help.

4. Arrive on time—Always strive to show up on time for personal gatherings. If it’s a dinner engagement, you certainly don’t want to be the person everyone’s waiting for while the food gets cold. Being on time shows your respect for their schedule. At the same time, don’t come early or you may catch your host unprepared for early arrivals.

5. Take a hostess gift—When you are invited to attend a party or dinner engagement at someone’s home, it’s a nice practice to take a little gift for the host/hostess. It could be wine, candy, a fruitcake, an inspirational book, an inexpensive floral arrangement, or something as simple as a card. A little gift shows your appreciation for the effort put into the event and for being included.

6. Lend a helping hand—When you arrive, ask if there is anything you can do to help. Often there are last-minute things that need to be done and your offer will be appreciated. If there’s nothing to do, you can bet your offer will make an impression.

7. Be friendly—Make it a point to meet and greet each guest. A warm smile, a firm handshake if appropriate, and a comment of personal interest, as you repeat his or her name, will help everyone feel welcome.

8. Be a good listener—Be a respectful listener and observer. When others are speaking, focus your attention on the person talking and avoid interrupting or having side conversations.

If negative or critical comments are made, try to redirect the discussion. Be the voice of reason and encourage others to focus on the positives and not the negatives. These parties should be a time to celebrate and have fun.

9. Control your alcoholic drinking—While this seems like common sense, I have seen countless people make fools of themselves by over-drinking at parties. Make the decision in advance as to how many drinks you are going to have and then use your self-control to keep from having even one more.

10. Pitch in unasked—When you attend events with family and “close” friends, look for the things you can do without being asked. It could be picking up glasses laying around or taking out the trash that is overflowing. My wife and I have always appreciated those who pitched in to help without having to be asked. Just don’t overdo it or your host may feel uncomfortable.

11. Help clean up when the party is over—If you attend a party at someone’s home, offer to help with the clean up. If they decline your offer, simply say, “I would enjoy helping you clean up. Would you please allow me to help you?” When they accept your offer, help them clean up until the job is finished or until your host wants to take a break. If they decline your help because they would rather continue the conversation in another room, ask them again when the party is over.

12. Express appreciation—When leaving, tell your host and hostess how much you enjoyed the party. If there was something that impressed you or stood out, tell them. Thank them for their friendship and for including you in the gathering. When you return home, consider sending a thank-you note.

Do you have any tips?  If so, share them in the comments section below this post.

Hope you have a special time with your family and friends at this year’s parties and holiday dinners. Happy holidays!

The smallest gestures are some of the biggest ways you can show your love for the people around you this holiday season.

Top 10 Soft Skills to Master

“Soft skills” is a term relating to a cluster of personal attributes that characterize relationships with other people, such as social graces, communication, cooperation, honesty, respect, responsibility, friendliness, and optimism.

Because companies are becoming more process and system driven and because job competition has increased at all levels, there has never been a time when soft skills offer more value to the market than they do today.

As a growing number of people with similar talents and education compete for the same jobs, promotions, and clients, soft skills become the differentiating factor separating one person from another. The little things you’ve been learning about in this blog now matter more than ever.

In writing this post, I made a list of my top 50 soft skills; I then slowly and painfully reduced that list to my top 10. As you read each skill, I challenge you to look in the mirror of truth and do an honest evaluation.

If you have the desire to improve a specific skill, click the title link and learn more about that skill and the benefits of mastering it. Make 2011 the year you take your people skills to a new level.

1.  The Art of Listening. If your family, friends, and colleagues were asked to rank your listening skills, what would they say? Do you interrupt? Do you try to control the conversation? Do you ask questions showing a genuine interest in what people are saying?

Being an attentive listener is one of the most important skills you can master, especially in this fast-paced world where everyone wants to talk and few have the patience to listen. Be intentional this next year to listen more and talk less.

2.  Cell Phone Etiquette. A friend told me about his colleague, a Realtor, who landed a $6,900,000 listing. As he was leaving the seller’s home, he causally asked why he had been selected over the other four Realtors. The seller said, “You were the only one who did not check your cell phone during the appointment.” The Realtor ended up selling the home, earning over $300K.

Cell phone addiction is out of control. This next year, challenge yourself to show respect when using your phone, both at work and at home.

3.  Show More Respect. People’s tolerance for being disrespected is as low as I have ever seen it. The days of advancing careers by stepping on the toes of co-workers are over. People deserve to be treated with respect and are now demanding it.

Look for the little things you can do to show more respect to others. This includes the teller at the bank. Treat people as human beings and not as pawns on your chess board. As you treat others with greater respect, they will admire you and so will the people who witness your actions.

4.  Authenticity. Because many people are less trusting than they have ever been and others are tired of being around people who are not genuine and real, there is a powerful trend towards authenticity.

Being authentic is when you are not trying to impress others nor are you acting like someone you are not. The authenticity I am referring to makes people comfortable, relaxed, and enjoy your presence.

5.  Show Interest in Others. How frequently do people show a genuine interest in you, your ideas, or your interests? When was the last time a friend called you (without an agenda) just to see how you are doing? If your life is like mine, it doesn’t happen frequently.

Slow down and show an interest in those whose relationship you value. As you do, you will stand out from all the superficial relationships as someone who cares about others.

6.  Verbal Communication. According to a new research report by Kelly Services, the traits individuals identify as the most important in creating their personal brands were their verbal-communication skills. This includes such things as being friendly, clear, concise, confident, humble, and positive in the way you speak with others.

How you communicate with others verbally plays a defining role in how you are viewed. Think before you speak and take pride in the way you interact with others.

7.  Become More Responsible. As the speed of life has accelerated, so has the number of people who are neglecting to do the things that are expected of them, including being late for appointments, failing to return calls and emails, and not completing projects on time.

Being responsible also includes admitting when you have made a mistake and accepting responsibility for your actions and decisions. Let today be the day that you stop making excuses and start doing the little things that are expected of you.

8.  Make Your Appearance an Asset. Very few things are more powerful in creating your brand than the visual imprint you make in people’s minds. When you take pride in your appearance, it makes you look good, it helps you feel good, and it increases your influence with others.

I have learned that, when it comes to appearance, it’s all about the little things. From the way your hair is combed, to the style of clothes you wear and the shine on your shoes—it all makes an impression on others.

9.  Control Your Emotional Energy. Most of what I hear going on today is negative. It’s like the recession has given everyone a free pass to find fault with everything. Whining and complaining have become a part of most conversations.

Leaders and employers know they can’t build a business when their people are focused on negative issues. It only takes one negative person to impact the atmosphere of an entire office; therefore, they are hiring and rewarding people who have a positive influence on their work environment.

Remember, where your attention goes, so goes your energy and attitude. Make a commitment to start focusing on the positives and avoid the complainers who are dragging you down.

10.  Your Email Brand. Every email you send makes a small but noticeable impression on others. The accumulation of these impressions forms your brand. Think about your goals and consider the person you need to become to achieve your goals. I encourage you to read the email tips report and focus on improving your email brand.

George Gurney, a leader in the employment industry since 1976, said, “When it comes to job offers, the soft skills determine who gets the job. After many years of recruiting, I know for a fact that when all the candidates’ work experience, education, and hard skills are equal, the candidate with the best soft skills will win!… Soft skills can be best defined as the quality of a person’s charisma. ”

Let me challenge you to take inventory of your own soft skills. Make note of those you need to develop into strong and winning assets and then commit to working on them.

Improving your soft skills will have a positive impact on every part of your life.

10 Ways to Bless Someone This Holiday Season

One of life’s greatest rewards is helping those who are less fortunate. When we reach out and help those in need, not only does it bless the people’s lives we are helping, but it blesses our lives as well.

During this holiday season, let me encourage you to focus on the good things in your life for which you are grateful. While we would all love to live in a perfect world, none of us do. Instead of thinking negative thoughts about what you don’t have, focus on what you do have.

Will you give unselfishly of your time and/or resources this holiday season to serve or bless those who aren’t as fortunate as you? If you are a parent, read this post with your children and come up with an idea of how you can serve together.

To open your mind, here are some possibilities:

1. Remember our servicemen and their families. If there is a veteran’s home or hospital near you, send Christmas cards to several of our heroes, thanking them for their service and sacrifice. Taking cookies or candy is also a possibility. If you know of a wife, mother, or family of a soldier serving overseas, think of ways you can fill their loneliness and let them know people care about them.

2. Love a family member. Who in your extended family is going through a difficult time? How can you show your love and support to this family member? Ideas include sending an encouraging card, making a phone call on Christmas to say you are thinking of him or her, or taking this person to lunch or coffee and sharing the impact he or she has had on your life.

3. Give a gift of sponsorship. Rather than giving your friends or family members more “stuff” they don’t really need, why not give a gift to a charity in their name? You can give a gift that feeds a child, provides clean water for a community, rescues a child from sex slavery, or whatever it is you or the gift receiver are most passionate about.

4. Serve the homeless on Christmas morning. One of the most rewarding things my family has done on Christmas mornings is to serve the homeless. Getting up early, we take coffee, donuts, and little gift bags and go in search of homeless people to wish a Merry Christmas. This year we will be doing it with our four children and five grandchildren.

5. Visit a nursing home. Many elderly people in nursing homes will not have any family or friends visiting them this holiday season. Imagine sitting in a nursing home during the holidays by yourself.

If this is something that pulls on your heart, call your local nursing home and find out who doesn’t have family in town. Then take them some homemade goodies and spend time visiting with them.

6. Serve a neighbor in need. As you think about your neighbors, which one is having the hardest time this holiday season? It could be someone who has lost a loved one, is struggling financially, or is experiencing health challenges.

Does anyone come to mind? If so, how can you bless that family? Ideas include giving a homemade meal, a loaf of freshly baked bread, your famous holiday cookies, gifts for their children, or inviting them over for Christmas dinner.

7. Bless a single mom. The life of a single mom is a tough life. Do you know a single mom who is having a particularly difficult time? How can you make this holiday season brighter for her and her children? Would a card with an anonymous cash gift enhance their holidays?

8. Help a struggling co-worker. Who at your place of employment is going through a difficult period of time? It could be a divorce, illness, loss of a loved one, or some other challenge. Who comes to your mind? Now as you think about this person, what would be the best way to bless him or her?

9. Surprise a family in your community. Working through a local organization, you can learn about a family who is suffering from financial hardship. Then go shopping and deliver Christmas gifts, a turkey, and a couple of bags of food so they can enjoy Christmas.

If this is something you want to do, contact your church, synagogue, or work through a local organization that provides this service.

10. Out of-the-box idea. Okay, I have given you some basic ideas, but as you learned in my post Exploring a New World of Possibilities, the best ideas come when you stretch yourself. Whether it’s Christmas caroling with your friends or making Christmas cookies or candy for your office, there are 101 ways you can touch someone’s life this holiday season.

So what will you do? Will you give unselfishly of yourself to bless someone’s life this holiday season? What creative ideas do you have? Share what you are going to do in the comment section below this post.

When you give of yourself to serve others in need, you are demonstrating one of the most admirable character traits one can possess.

How to Handle Disagreements

How do you feel when someone disagrees with you? Do you feel attacked or offended? Does your posture change? Do you immediately feel the urge to respond and prove that you are right, or do you want to withdraw?

How do you feel when someone not only disagrees with you, but also makes negative or derogatory comments about your position?

When people disagree with our thinking, our natural tendency is to become defensive, often causing destructive results to people on both sides of the issue.

One of the skills we should all strive to master in our personal and professional lives is how to properly handle ourselves when we disagree with another person.

Disagree With Respect and Consideration

When it is necessary to disagree, you should always consider how the other person is going to feel and address the situation with respect and humility. When you are thoughtful in the way in which you disagree, you enjoy the following benefits:

• People will be more open to your point of view.
• People’s respect for you will grow.
• People will be more willing to share their opinions in the future.
• You will appear more professional and mature.
• You will feel better about yourself.
• Your emotions are less likely to turn negative.
• You will have more productive conversations.

On the other hand, when you lack humility and fail to show respect when expressing your disagreement, you will likely experience the following consequences:

• You offend and hurt others.
• You will be viewed as being egotistical.
• You run the risk of damaging a relationship.
• If you end up being wrong, you appear stupid or uninformed.
• If you truly care for others, you end up feeling bad and later apologizing.
• Your attitude will turn negative because your emotions are negative.
• People will be less supportive of your ideas, decisions, and points of view.

Pick Your Battles Wisely

The best advice I can offer is this: Do not dispute things that aren’t truly important to you. The day I stopped trying to debate every little thing was the day all my relationships improved and my life became more enjoyable. My marriage improved. My relationships with my children improved. My friendships grew deeper, and my work environment became more comfortable.

The next time you disagree with someone’s position, ask yourself, “Does it really matter? Do I need to point out why I think the other person is wrong?” If so, “What do I hope to accomplish?”

I have discovered that 90 percent of the time I disagree with someone, the upside of debating the issue is not worth the downside.

Seek to Understand

If the subject is one that is important, here’s what I have found works best: before stating your position, ask questions with a tone of respect, humility, and a genuine desire to learn how the other person reached his or her conclusion.

Here are some examples:

• Why do you feel that way?
• How did you reach that conclusion?
• How do you feel about…(something they may not have considered)?
• Have you thought about…(something they may not have considered)?
• How would you handle…(something that may go wrong)?

By asking questions with the sincere desire to understand the other person’s point of view, you will enjoy these benefits:

• You will understand how the other person reached his or her decision.
• You may change your opinion based on the new information.
• The other person may realize his or her position is flawed without you ever having to express your disagreement.
• The questions may help both of you reach a conclusion different than what each of you originally thought.
• You will be able to discuss the subject without anyone feeling defensive.

Protect Your Relationships

If you end up still disagreeing after having discussed the subject, handle yourself with dignity and class. We are as different on the inside as we look on the outside. We all have different life experiences that cause us to view situations differently. And always remember that what may be logical to you may not be logical to others.

Just because we may think we are right does not necessarily mean the other person is wrong. There have been many times when I was convinced I was right, but later learned I was wrong.

Also, keep in mind that disagreeing can take on many different forms. In addition to heated discussions or arguments, it could be as simple as giving people feedback on something they’ve done, ignoring a point they have made, or even showing disapproval through your body language.

Let me also encourage you to avoid expressing your disagreement through email or text messages. If you value your relationships, discuss opposing points of view in person. If that is not possible, then discuss them over the phone.

The next time you find yourself disagreeing with another person, ask, “Is this subject important to me?” If it is, ask questions with a genuine desire to understand the other person’s position. If you can’t reach an agreement, then be proud of the way you handle yourself.

Disagreements are inevitable. Handle yours tactfully: show respect for the other person’s position, listen patiently to all points, and, above all, protect your relationship.

Growing Your Market Value

Do you want to enjoy a more positive and productive life? If so, you must be committed to continuing your growth and development.

If you are not growing in this competitive work environment, you are losing ground to your competitors. Living a status-quo life where you are not pushing yourself to improve will likely have negative consequences. Over time, your market value will decline, you will lose your edge, your self-confidence will take a dive, and people who are hungrier than you will replace you.

In Brian Tracy’s foreword to my book, Little Things Matter, he said, “We are living in a turbulent and challenging world today. And, if anything, the achievement of the success you desire will be more difficult and challenging in the months and years ahead than it has ever been before. You need everything possible going for you if you are going to survive and thrive in the ‘new reality’ in which we live today.”

A close friend, who’s a highly successful money manager, sent me an email in response to Tuesday’s post How Much Money Do You Need to Retire? He wrote, “For those people who have not saved for their retirement, the clock is ticking. Incomes are shrinking and the expenses you can’t control (taxes, fees, inflation, etc.) are the ones that are going to hurt everyone in the wealth-building process. The best option for those who want to enjoy a comfortable retirement is to focus on growing their income NOW.”

Building Your Income

If you are serious about growing yourself and building your market value, my best advice is this:

1.  Identify, focus on, and master the little things related to your job description.

2.  Identify, focus on, and master the little things that make you a better person.

Let’s take a close look at both.

Mastering the Little Things Related to Your Job Description

Regardless of whether you are a business owner, an independent contractor, or an employee, you have core responsibilities that must be fulfilled for you to earn an income.

Do you have a written job description provided by your employer? If so, review it and evaluate how well you are performing each of your responsibilities. Think of ways you can improve.

If you don’t have a written job description, write your own. Make a list of all your basic responsibilities. This includes the things you are expected to do—the tasks you are paid to do. Identify the little things you can do that will improve your performance. Then add to your list the unassigned, unexpected little extra things you can do to enhance your value.

As an example, volunteering to help a co-worker or picking up a dirty coffee cup in the parking lot. Remember that every little thing you do beyond your designated duties makes you a more valued person to your company and community.

As you go through this process, write down every point that comes to mind. Set a goal to make a list of 100 things. Break the big tasks down into little things. Become aware of all the things you must do, and then strive for excellence as you perform them.

Post this question on the wall of your workspace: “How can I perform my responsibilities at a higher level today?” Read it daily and continue to look for ways to improve whatever you do.

I would also suggest asking your employer and respected co-workers for their advice on where you can improve. It takes courage, but what you learn may be the most important thing you can do to increase your value.

Mastering the Little Things That Make You a Better Person

Far too often, people focus exclusively on the things they need to do to achieve their goals and overlook who they need to become to be worthy of achieving their goals.

Jim Rohn, one of my favorite teachers, said, “For your life to get better, you must get better.”

Brian Tracy said, “To achieve what you’ve never achieved before, you must become someone you’ve never been before.”

Most people in the U.S. are simply trading hours for dollars and doing the minimum to get by. I see fewer than 5 percent of the people putting any real effort into growing themselves and less than 1 percent who are striving for excellence to be the best at what they do.

Growing personally is something you can do today to build your value. It doesn’t require going back to school, taking risks, or changing careers. It just requires that you have the desire to grow and become a better person.

The benefits go far beyond the money. You will feel great about the person you are becoming. Your energy and motivation will grow, resulting in increased productivity. You will be more likable, respected, and influential. You will be more fulfilled, and your life’s journey will become more enjoyable.

I challenge you to step up your game by mastering the little things that increase your value in the marketplace. Remember, income follows value, so if you want to increase your income, you must first increase your value. Make this the year that you push yourself harder than you have ever pushed before. Will you do it?

If you are truly committed to growing and developing yourself, I highly suggest reading my 280-page hardcover book or listening to my audiobook, Little Things Matter. It contains more than 100 lessons that have helped me average over one million dollars a year in earnings for 20+ years.

Performing your basic responsibilities well is only the beginning. Going the extra mile at your job and doing the little things to become a better person will make you stand out from the crowd in your field and in your community.

In the comment area below, please share how you plan to increase your value to the marketplace or become a better person.

Conducting a Year-end Financial Review

In my post You Can’t Improve What you Don’t Measure, I explained why measuring your performance is critical to achieving your goals. Whether in business, sports, school, or any area of life, you can’t improve what you don’t measure. The same rule applies to your personal finances.

As we move into the final month of the year, I want to encourage you to take time to review your finances, make refinements, and set new goals. If you do this, you’ll be more likely to achieve your long-term financial objectives. You’ll feel like you’re in control of your money, and you’ll enjoy the peace that comes from knowing you have a plan. As part of this process, you will learn these things:

• Your total net worth (assets – liabilities = net worth)
• The categories in which you were over or under your budget
• Where you need to make refinements in your budget
• How your assets performed
• The areas you need to refine in your investment portfolio

Discovering your net worth

The first thing I do in this year-end activity is update my net-worth ledger. A simple Excel document lists my assets. Next to each asset, I enter what I believe is the fair market value for that asset. Some are easy to determine—such as the value of my stock-market investments; however, other investments—such as my real estate holdings—require an honest assessment of their true value. Then I list my liabilities. At the end of the document, I subtract my liabilities from my assets to determine my year-end net worth.

Whether you make your list of assets and liabilities on a pad of paper or on your computer, your goal is to determine your total net worth. This allows you to see how well you performed in relation to your goals and serves as a new baseline upon which to build in the upcoming year.

Examining how the budget performed

Having a personal budget is a critical element in living a financially-responsible life. Once it is established, you must have the self-control and discipline not to exceed it. People who don’t set and live by a personal budget are unlikely to ever get ahead.

At the end of each year, I create a final budget report. This report lists all the categories such as groceries, gasoline, auto repairs, vacation, charitable giving, mortgage payments, real estate taxes, and so on. To the right of each category are two vertical columns. The first column shows the amount of money budgeted for a specific category and the second shows the actual amount spent. I use a financial software program called Quicken, which allows me to create this report in a matter of minutes.

My wife and I sit down and review this report, line item by line item, and discuss each one. If we were below budget, we discuss why. If we were over budget, we review our expenses to determine what happened.

Establishing a new budget for a new year

After we discuss our plans and goals for the upcoming year, we go back over the report to guide us as we create a new budget for the upcoming year. This includes categories where we are going to reduce spending and others where we are going to increase our spending. When this task is done, we have an agreed-upon budget for the upcoming year.

If you are married, be sure to go through this process together. A budget is something both parties in the relationship must understand, agree to, and be committed to following.

Evaluating the performance of assets

While I monitor the performance of my assets throughout the year, I always do a complete review and evaluation each December.

As part of this evaluation process, I meet with my financial advisor who manages a part of my investment portfolio. I seek his opinion on the market conditions and changes we need to consider to meet my financial objectives. We discuss my current income, special financial needs in the next 12 months, and my current risk tolerance.

In addition, I seek the counsel of some wise friends whom I respect and trust. My goal is to get their input on our current market conditions and learn what their plan is for the upcoming year.

When this process is completed, I make my final decisions and put together my investment plan for the new year.

Setting financial goals for the new year

As part of my year-end financial review, I set my net-worth goals for the upcoming year. This includes the amount of money I am committed to saving and the results I expect to achieve with my investments. I put these goals in writing, follow my plan, and monitor my results throughout the year to make sure I am on the right track.

My challenge to you

Block out a full day between now and the end of the year to work on your financial goals and plan for 2011. As part of your plan, make sure you have a household budget that includes saving for future needs. If you did not follow a budget for 2010, read Become the Captain of Your Financial Ship and make the commitment to start in 2011.

Proper money management is the foundation of asset accumulation.

What type of financial decisions do you make at the end of each year? How do you put together your financial plan for the upcoming year? Please share your insights and ideas in the comment section below this post.