The Toilet Bowl Syndrome
For years, I have been teaching salespeople and entrepreneurs about what I call the “toilet bowl syndrome.” Here’s how it works. When you get down for whatever reason, your sales almost always follow. When your sales and resulting income drop, you get down even more. When this happens, you get even more depressed, resulting in a further drop in sales and income, and the vicious cycle continues.
The only way to stop this downward spiral is to take action. YOU have to rip yourself out of the ditch of sorrow and self-pity and take control of your thoughts and emotions.
While this lesson has historically applied to salespeople, I believe it’s one that has universal relevance, regardless of your occupation or career.
When you allow yourself to emotionally get down, every part of your life will likely suffer. It will be almost impossible to focus on advancing your career. Your home life and relationships will suffer because no one enjoys being around people who are an emotional drain. Even your health is at risk.
I realize taking control of your emotions is easier said than done, but unless you have a medical condition that prevents you from controlling your thoughts; you are in control of your emotions. And if you think you are not in control, then who is? If you don’t change your thinking, how can your life improve? If you don’t rip yourself out of the ditch, who will?
When I get down for any reason (and I do get down), I realize if I don’t use my self-control and take responsibility for my thoughts and my emotions, I will begin a downward spiral of negativity that will soon begin to affect all aspects of my life. Sure, I can justify my feelings of depression until I am blue in the face, but the facts don’t change. I am the only one in control of what I think, and if I don’t do something about it soon, it will only get harder.
Reversing the spiral of negative thinking will be difficult initially. It’s as if you are fighting a strong current in the ocean. But the sooner you get started, the better off you’ll be. You’ll make progress, one stroke at a time. It’s like putting a live frog in cold water and turning on the heat. It is a lot easier for the frog to get out when the water is cold than when it is boiling.
Focus on your blessings and you’ll begin to see positive things occur. Small improvements will increase your happiness and new doors of opportunity will open for you as you begin to attract like-minded people into your life.
If you are struggling with negative thoughts and emotions, let me offer you five suggestions:
1. Read The Power of Positive Thinking by Dr. Norman Vincent Peale. I listened to this book on tape many years ago and it has had a profound impact on my thinking and overall attitude.
2. Read my post, Count Your Blessings. This will help you realize you are truly blessed and have so much for which to be thankful.
3. Read It’s a New Day. This post will highlight the importance of learning from your disappointments and then moving on and not allowing them to negatively affect your life.
4. Read Is Your Attitude Helping or Hurting You? (Part 1, Part 2, Part 3). This three-part series is packed with ideas that will help you take control of your attitude.
5. Read Who Do I Have to Become to Get What I Want? This will help you start thinking about the person you need to become to move your life forward.
6. Read The Power of Self-talk. This post will bring attention to the critical importance of controlling your internal dialogue.
Remember, when you get down (and we all do), you have to be the one to pull yourself out of your funk or you may find your life swirling like a toilet bowl in negativity. Don’t feel sorry for yourself and hope that someone is going to come along and help you out of your doldrums. This decision is up to you. It’s your life.
Let me encourage you to take responsibility for thoughts and emotions and begin to run your life, rather than letting negative emotions run you. Let this be the day when you step up to the plate and say enough is enough; I am done feeling crappy; and I am going to take steps to change the downward spiral of negativity in my life.
As my favorite mentor, Jim Rohn, has said, “Disgust and resolve are two of the great emotions that lead to change.” Use these two emotions to change your life.
You are in control of your emotions and thoughts! They won’t change on their own. You are the ONLY person who can change them.
The Uncomfortable Path to Success
After having worked with thousands of entrepreneurs throughout my career, I have seen many succeed but many more fail. And what distinguishes the two groups? Successful people consistently push themselves outside their comfort zone to achieve their goals.
Best-selling author Brian Tracy, whose teachings I have been following for more than 25 years said, “Move out of your comfort zone. You can only grow if you are willing to feel awkward and uncomfortable when you try something new.”
Another best-selling author, Denis Waitley, who has trained countless U.S Olympic athletes, said, “To achieve your dreams you must break out of your current comfort zone and become comfortable with the unfamiliar and the unknown.”
I am convinced that you must push yourself outside your comfort zone to make any advances in your life. Think about it. Your comfort zone is where everything feels safe and familiar. How can you reach greater heights personally and professionally if you aren’t stretching yourself and growing on a regular basis?
It’s Time to Get Uncomfortable
Being honest with yourself, do you avoid doing things you know you should do because they make you feel uncomfortable?
Contemplate how your life could change if you ventured into the “discomfort zone.” Would you feel better about yourself? Would you become more respected by your peers and colleagues? Would you have more self-confidence? Would you be more successful?
Your first step on the road to greater achievement focuses on the little things you know you should do but don’t feel comfortable doing. If you push yourself to do the little things that thrust you outside your comfort zone, your confidence will begin to grow. It could be as simple as saying hi to a stranger.
As you build your confidence in doing the little things, you’ll slowly build your confidence to do the big things. This is how it works for all of us. We all start by building our confidence in the little things.
When you first step outside your comfort zone, it’s likely you’ll feel nervous and perhaps some fear. But unless you are doing something dangerous or risky, nothing bad is going to happen to you. On the contrary, that knot in your stomach is your signal that growth and opportunity lie ahead. So feel the fear and do it anyway.
As Dale Carnegie said, “Do the thing you fear to do and keep on doing it… that is the quickest and surest way ever yet discovered to conquer fear.”
So, will you start to be intentional about pushing yourself outside your comfort zone? Will you commit to doing the things you know you should do even though they make you feel uncomfortable?
When you get shortness of breath and your heart starts to beat out of your chest, just ask yourself, “What’s the worst thing that can happen?” Then fire yourself up and do it without further hesitation! You will feel great! You will have conquered a fear. Your confidence will grow.
“Nobody ever died of discomfort, yet living in the name of comfort has killed more ideas, more opportunities, more actions, and more growth than everything else combined. Comfort kills!”- T. Harv Eker, author of Secrets of the Millionaire Mind
Learn the little ways to get outside your comfort zone by reading my lesson titled 33 Small Ways to Expand Your Comfort Zone.
The Power of Self-talk
Guess who’s the number-one person you communicate with on a daily basis? It’s you! Our internal conversations characterize how we view the world and influence every part of our lives: relationships, achievements, attitude, and ultimately, our degree of happiness.
If this internal dialogue focuses on your faults, mistakes, weaknesses, insecurities, fears, or other negative things, it will be virtually impossible to feel good about yourself and advance your life forward. Furthermore, negative thinking can have a detrimental effect on your health and overall quality of life.
If on the other hand, your self-talk concentrates on your strengths, blessings, successes, opportunities, and other positive thoughts, you will feel great about yourself. You’ll enhance your ability to overcome obstacles and as a whole, your life will become more enjoyable and fulfilling.
The great news is that you can control what you think about and you can replace any negative thought with a more positive and productive affirmation. Like anything else, it takes time and practice and it will get easier over time.
Become Aware of Your Internal Conversations
The first step toward improving our thoughts is to REALLY listen to our self-talk. Are your thoughts positive or negative? Do they lift you up or do they bring you down? Do they inspire or do they impede? You may not realize how often negative thoughts pop into your head. Become aware of this internal dialogue and its content and make sure it stays positive. When it gets negative, take a few minutes to analyze the underlying reasons for your negative thinking.
Take Control of Your Thinking
If you catch yourself thinking negatively, you can stop your thought process mid-stream by literally saying to yourself “STOP!” Saying this aloud will be powerful and will make you more aware of the frequency and circumstances of these negative internal conversations.
Another trick is to walk around with a rubber band around your wrist. As you notice negative self-talk, pull the band away and let it snap back. It’ll hurt a little and serve as a slightly negative consequence that will both make you more aware of your thoughts and help put a stop to them!
Every time I catch myself thinking about one of my failures, faults, or mistakes, I have a firm conversation with myself and I say, “I’ve learned all I can learn. I can’t change what has happened. I refuse to think about it any longer!” Then using my self-control, I change the subject.
I confess that I may have to repeat this self-talk technique 20 times before I can finally stop thinking about a major mistake or failure. But as with every challenge I have faced thus far in my life, I have not allowed it to negatively impact my overall outlook.
Let me encourage you to start being aware of your self-talk. Determine which conversations are helpful and which ones are harmful. Take control over your thoughts and you will watch your life blossom before your eyes.
Remember, we all make mistakes. We all have setbacks. We all experience failures. We all have bad things happen to us. The key is to learn from every experience and to use our self-control to stop thinking about them.
“It isn’t what you have, or who you are, or where you are, or what you are doing that makes you happy or unhappy. It is what you think about.”- Dale Carnegie
The Power of Questions
Kindra Hall, a fellow blogger and beautiful writer, recently shared a story about her first visit to the National Speakers Association. Every day for three years, she drove by their offices thinking about how to present herself. What would she say? How would she say it? Finally building up the courage to go inside, she decided to just ask questions.
Introduced to a representative from the association, she indicated she wanted to be “a sponge” and learn as much as she could about improving her speaking ability.
The lady responded and said, “So many people come into an organization like this with the goal to impress. They memorize their resumé and talk about why they are unlike anything anyone has seen. Honestly, those folks never make it very far. While it is good to be confident, the true measure of this experience is not how impressive you are coming in; it’s how much you can learn while you are here. If your goal is to soak up what you can from others to become better, that is impressive. And the members of this association will help in whatever way they can to make sure you get the information you seek.”
This story reminded me of another little thing that matters: the importance of asking questions. Most people feel the need to impress you with what they know. They feel the need to explain how good they are at what they do. Or worse yet, they pitch you on something, all without asking one question.
I wonder how much more successful we would be if we focused our time on asking good questions, rather than thinking about what we want to say. Think about it.
Asking questions accomplishes many things. Here are seven quick points that come to mind:
1. You Show an Interest. The relationship-building process is built by FIRST showing an interest in others. When you show an interest in others and the things that are important to them, they will show an interest in you and the things important to you.
2. You Demonstrate Your Desire to Learn. This alone will increase people’s respect for you. In a world of know-it-alls and people who could care less about gaining knowledge, you will stand out from the crowd by being someone who has the desire to learn.
3. People Will Want to Help You. Most people find great fulfillment in helping people who genuinely want to learn. I love helping people if I have the knowledge and experience that can benefit them. How about you?
4. You Will Identify Needs and Desires. By asking good questions, you can determine if what you have to offer is something the other person really needs. No one likes to be pitched and they especially don’t want to be pitched on something they don’t want or need. If you are in sales, you would be wise to spend more time thinking about the questions you want to ask, rather than excessive details about your sales presentation.
5. You Are Showing Respect. When you ask people questions, you are recognizing their value and importance. Everyone wants to feel like they have something worthwhile to contribute. As I pointed out in To Earn Respect You Must Show Respect, when you show respect to others, they will show respect to you.
6. Help You Solve Problems. One of the best ways to solve problems and make wise decisions is to ask good questions.
7. To Explore Deeper. The first words that people share are generally just the “tip of the iceberg.” They represent the surface of their thoughts, rather than the deep meaning behind those thoughts. Asking questions is the best way to find out what people really mean. When you take the time to find out what people really mean, they will be instinctively drawn to you.
So, being honest with yourself, how would you rank yourself on a scale of 1-10 on this subject? Are you a person who asks questions? Do you find yourself talking more than listening? Is this a subject you need to work on?
Over the next 24 hours, will you agree to focus on asking questions? Ask your spouse questions about his or her interests; ask your children questions about their school projects; ask questions of your co-workers; seek someone’s insight about a decision you need to make. Will you simply spend more time asking questions rather than talking for just the next 24 hours?
This is an area where I can really improve. Let’s accept this challenge together.
Asking good questions is a great way to learn. It’s an art we can all improve upon.
Make a Good Last Impression
Making a good first impression is an important component of your brand. But equally important is your last impression. If you need to leave a relationship, an organization, or a place of employment, the last impression you create is how you will be remembered. And how you are remembered will likely have long-standing implications.
A good first impression may have landed you a job, but a bad last impression could jeopardize your chances of getting other ones in the future. I admire those who leave their employers with great attitudes when it would be easier to do otherwise.
It’s a small world out there, made even smaller by technology. To quote a somewhat trite but appropriate saying, “What goes around comes around.” During the early stages of my career, I was certainly naïve about this concept, but the older I get, the more I realize that my actions will dictate the lasting impressions I make in all my interactions. One damaged relationship can have far-reaching implications.
If you leave a relationship on bad terms or you handle yourself in a tasteless manner, there is NO upside. Even if you feel good on the surface or somehow justify your actions, you will likely regret your behavior down the road.
Whether you are wronged, hurt, disrespected, or mistreated in any way, how you react and respond is your choice. You are in control. You can act like a child and seek revenge by saying and doing bad things or you can hold your head high and handle yourself in a manner that makes you proud.
The benefits of leaving on a good note:
- You will be respected. No matter what the circumstances were concerning your departure, if you handle yourself with class, people’s respect for you will grow.
- People will speak highly of you. It is very difficult for people to speak poorly of people who handle themselves as honorable and admirable people.
- Your self-image will increase. When you do things you shouldn’t do, these things damage your self-image. On the other hand, when you do what you know is the right thing to do, it builds your self-image. This is especially true if doing the right thing is difficult.
- You will get better references. If for whatever reason you leave your job, don’t allow yourself to think that you won’t need references from your employer or co-workers. Someone recently told me that a prospective employer wanted to personally speak to FIVE former co-workers before taking the interview process to the next stage.
If you want to advance your career and build your market value, then your track record will be just as it sounds… your track record.
If I were to speak with a prospective employee’s references, I would definitely ask questions about the circumstances surrounding the employee’s departure. Their answers would reveal the applicant’s character and tell me how they would likely handle themselves if they were to leave my company.
Things in life rarely go exactly as we plan them. There will always be situations where we have to make a change. Sometimes serious ones, like a marriage or a job, and others not quite as significant. Regardless, be proud of the way you leave a situation and make your last impression a good one.
If you really want to stand out from the crowd, look for the good in others and leave by offering a genuine compliment.
Oftentimes it’s the last impression a person makes that will be remembered.
My Top 33 Email Tips (Part 2)
Read Part 1
Every email we send someone makes an impression. This is no different than watching a commercial. Every advertisement you watch makes an impression on you and impacts your view of that advertiser.
The same is true with email. Every impression we make on others is how we are branding ourselves in their minds. It’s our choice what impression we make.
In Part One, I shared with you 16 of my top email tips and encouraged you to evaluate your email communication for the last 24 hours. How did you do?
Here are 17 more for you to chew on:
17. Use the recipient’s time zone—When you are scheduling an appointment or a phone call, avoid confusion by using their time zone. This will keep them from trying to convert the time to their time zone and reduce potential misunderstandings.
18. Type the email first—When typing an important email, type the email first and then add the person’s name. This will keep you from sending the email prematurely.
19. Don’t change your email address—If you get a new email address, don’t discontinue your old email account. Don’t inconvenience your contacts by asking them to change your email address. Just start using the new one and people will slowly convert to using your new email address. I have five email addresses, and they all come into ONE email inbox. The current functionality of most email programs offers this simple organizational tool.
20. Covering multiple topics—If your email covers more than one topic, separate the topics using numbers or bullets. This allows you to logically convey your thoughts and makes it easier for the reader to follow your topics and separately respond to each point. Your other option is to send separate emails for each topic or point you want to cover.
21. Always put something in the subject line—When I get emails from people with nothing in the subject line, I think to myself “SLOPPY and LAZY.” Am I alone on this one? Take the time to summarize the subject of your email in a few short words.
22. How to deal with spam—Don’t complain about it. Just remove it. We all get tons of spam. When I hear people say that they are changing their email address because of all the spam they receive…well, I won’t tell you what I think.
23. Be Clear and concise—Say what you need to say as clearly as you can say it using the fewest number of words possible. No one likes long or confusing emails that they have to read more than once.
24. Turn off or down your spam filters—Some email providers allow you to turn off the spam-filtering process entirely and others give you the opportunity to lower the sensitivity level. I would rather take the extra second to delete a spam message rather than miss an important email that ends up in my spam folder. This also saves me time from having to check my spam folders.
25. Don’t use an email authentication program—I sent an email to a lawyer I was looking to hire requesting an appointment. I received one of those email validation requests so that my email would be forwarded to him. I deleted the email and found a new attorney. I won’t complete those forms, not for anyone. They must be thinking that their time is more valuable than mine.
26. Keep your inbox clean—When it’s time for me to read my emails, I allocate enough time to read and respond. This is a time saver. I don’t have to come back to it and read it again in order to take action. It also allows me to move through my emails and keep my inbox clean.
27. Always put your name at the end of your emails—I can’t tell you how many people send me emails with email addresses that don’t identify themselves and don’t include their names at the end of the email. You can’t brand yourself much worse than that…well, I guess you could throw in some foul language.
28. Use discretion when you copy people on emails—Make sure you are only copying people who need to be copied.
29. Know when not to press “reply all”—If your response to an email is only directed to the person who sent the email, then don’t press “reply all.” Show your respect to the other parties and don’t make them read and delete your email.
30. Know when to schedule a call—If your email is going to be long or complicated, just send a short email requesting a time to talk live.
31. Know when to pick up the phone—If there is something upsetting to you, pick up the phone and call the other person. Don’t send emotional emails that scar the relationship and cause you regret.
32. Make sure your name is displayed properly. Most email programs have name-recognition software intended to be a time saver. Set up yours so that it’s displayed with your first name first and your last name last. There are several companies and individuals I communicate with where their names are reversed. It’s aggravating because when I send them an email, I have to start typing their last name first for my email program to recognize the person.
33. Keep your signature files small. People will see your signature file whether it is big and obnoxious or small and subtle. Do you want to be seen as classy or tasteless?
Email has become part and parcel of our everyday routine. It has replaced the telephone as the preferred method of communication. This is why it is so important to take pride in your email communications.
I want to challenge you to start paying attention to the emails you send. Look for ways in which you can improve your email communication.
If you have any additional tips, please share them with me in the comment section below. I would love to add your tips to my list.
I have never seen someone who became a high achiever based solely on his or her education. It’s the little things people do that make them high achievers.
My Top 33 Email Tips (Part 1)
Read Part 2
I’ve probably sent and received more than 500,000 emails over the last 10+ years. And combined with my focus on the little things that matter, I have formed some strong views on the subject. In this two-part lesson, you will learn 33 tips that will improve your email communication.
As you review the list, you may feel these are picky little details that don’t really matter. Don’t allow yourself to think this way. Everything matters! Today’s post will cover the first 16, and tomorrow’s will outline the remaining 17.
1. Take pride In your emails—As I pointed out in What’s Your Email Brand?, every email you send makes an impression and plays a small role in defining your brand. If email is your primary form of communication, what you say and how you say it will play a significant role in how you are viewed.
2. Write short paragraphs—Keep your paragraphs short. They will be easier to read and will improve the likelihood of them being read. I generally limit my paragraphs to two sentences.
3. Keep your sentences short—Shorter sentences are preferred in the online copywriting world. The reason is simple; they are easier to read.
4. Be careful what you forward—Everything you forward is a reflection of your personal brand. Don’t forward things unless you believe they will provide value, make someone smile, or enrich their lives.
5. Tell them why you are forwarding it—When you forward an article, email, or blog post, take an extra 15 seconds to explain why you are sending it. I hate guessing why someone sent me something.
6. Select an email address that identifies you—Select an email address that includes your first and last name. This will make it easier for people to identify you by your email and find your email address in their address book.
7. Respond to your emails—The number of people who don’t return emails in a timely manner is on the rise. Maybe it’s because they are overcommitted at work or perhaps they are struggling with balancing their career and family. Regardless of the reason, if you fall into that category, you will run the risk of destroying your reputation, losing your friends’ respect, and reducing your market value. Most people expect an email response within 24 hours. If you can’t always return all your emails within 24 hours, make those times the exception and not the norm.
8. Use “bcc” for multiple recipients—If you want to send an email to a large group of people, put your name in the “To” field and put everyone else’s in the “Bcc” field. This will allow you to keep your email addresses private and keep your email clean. It also prevents someone from pressing “reply all” and wasting everyone’s time with a response that should only be directed to you.
9. Select the right email provider—I strongly suggest that you get an email address from a national company and not one from your local utility company or cable service provider. If you have an email address tied to a local ISP or utility company, then if you move and/or change utility providers, you will likely lose your email address. Select long-standing, recognized companies with names that are easy to spell like Gmail or Yahoo!, and please, NO ads or jumping monkeys.
10. Be friendly—Your demeanor in your online communication should be similar to how you interact offline. If you value your relationships, take an extra 15 seconds to type something friendly at the beginning and/or at the end of the email. It could be simple one-liners, such as “I hope you had a relaxing weekend” or “Thanks for all you do.”
11. Be professional—If you want to be viewed as a professional, then make sure you present yourself as one.
12. Proof your emails—Never send an email without proofing it at least once. If it is important, then read it 2 or 3 times to make sure you are proud. Look for missing words and misspellings that aren’t necessarily picked up by the spell-check function.
13. Don’t use text lingo—These are emails, not text messages. Spell things out.
14. Use their name—People love to hear and see their names. Take an extra 2 seconds to type out people’s full name, rather than just the initial of their first name. I have a friend by the name of Mark who said he is turned off when people don’t put forth the effort to type three more characters after the “M.” How many other people feel like Mark? I also recommend including “Hi,” “Hey,” “Good morning,” or something else before their name.
15. Don’t limit your communication to email—Email is a great way to efficiently communicate, but don’t rely on it exclusively. Set a goal to talk to people at least one time for every 10 email exchanges. Relationships are best built in person, second by phone calls, and third by the written word. Take full advantage of the first two if you want the relationship to grow.
16. Return confirmation emails—When you schedule a call or appointment with someone and they confirm the time with you, take the extra five seconds to return the email to say “Confirmed.” People don’t like wondering if the appointment is firm.
Review all of your email communication at the end of the day today. How many of the 16 tips did you incorporate? How did you measure up? And don’t forget to tune in tomorrow for the remaining 17 email strategies.
Every email you send makes an impression; therefore, every email plays a role in defining your personal brand.
When Quitting is the Best Decision You Can Make
In our world of endless self-help books, positive thinking, and the “never give up” attitude, we are trained to push through obstacles until we succeed. As kids, our teachers, parents, and coaches taught us to “never give up!”
But at what point does this positive mental attitude actually hurt you?
A few years ago, I was involved in an exciting internet start-up that looked to revolutionize the web design industry. We assembled a team of the top people in their respective fields of expertise, had a great concept, and all the capital we needed.
It was as if all the stars were aligned perfectly! We were going to hit the big time!
Then we launched…
The response from the market did not meet our expectations.
We were smart. We focused on the little things that matter. We refined and further refined our business model. We pushed harder and harder every day. Everyone on the team was working 60+ hours a week. We were committed to making it work.
Then the day came when my partners and I had to sit down and look at our options. We were losing a large sum of money every day; we weren’t making any measurable progress and were killing ourselves in the process. Should we continue with the current plan, re-strategize, or call it quits?
We went through the decision-making process described in How To Make Critical Decisions. After countless hours of evaluation, we made the decision to pull the plug and shut it down.
When we started the business, we knew our greatest threat was “what we don’t know, we don’t know.” And in the end, what we didn’t know killed us. No matter how confident you are, your greatest risk will be what you don’t know, you don’t know.
Abandoning a dream, losing the largest sum of money I had ever lost, and having to lay off our employees who had put their trust in us was one of the most difficult times of my life. I had to take a mental-health week.
Darren Hardy’s recent blog post S-T-R-E-T-C-H Yourself emphasized that you will only succeed to the degree you have failed. From my perspective, I couldn’t wait to see the success that would come from this failure.
A close friend’s experience represents the other side of the spectrum. He started a new business years ago. He was so committed to succeeding that he stayed with it too long. Had he succeeded, his name would have been added to the definition of “persistence” in Webster’s Dictionary.
But despite his efforts, he did not succeed. Today, he has filed for bankruptcy, is losing his home in foreclosure, his marriage is on the rocks, and he is going through the most difficult period in his life.
Are you in a similar situation with your business, job, or perhaps a relationship? Are you still thinking to yourself “Never give up?”
If so, here are my suggestions:
1. Determine why it’s not working? Is it you? Really. Can you look in the mirror and honestly tell yourself that you have given it your ALL? I have found that 95% of those people who are failing at something are failing because they are not doing the little things that matter. You must be honest with yourself. How hard and how long have you been working at it? You must identify specific reasons why something is not working.
2. Make a list of your options. If you’re doing the things you know you should do with excellence and it isn’t working, then you have to STOP and consider your options. I’m sure you’ve heard Albert Einstein’s definition of insanity: continuing to do the same things over and over again but expecting different results. NO CHANGE=NO CHANGE.
3. Identify the pros and cons of each option. Once you’ve written down all of your options, consider the pros and cons of each option. Where are the current red flags? How big are they? What are your risks? What is it going to require from you to make it work?
4. Make a plan with deadlines. If you decide to continue, determine what refinements you are going to make and establish new targets with deadlines. If you don’t hit your targets by the specified date, it’s time to reevaluate and return to this process.
When going through this process, you must remove your emotion and be totally honest with yourself. I would also strongly suggest seeking the counsel of your spouse, close friends, or others you respect.
As I look back on my experience with the start-up business, it’s easy to mark it off as an utter failure. But if it weren’t for that experience, I wouldn’t be the person I am today. Sounds simplistic, but it’s not. I have gone on to do other things, realize other successes, and most importantly, learned from my mistakes. The formation of Little Things Matter and the creation of this blog is just one example.
And if it weren’t for this business failure, I would not have sold a large chunk of my real estate holdings. If I still owned all this real estate, I would have lost even more money. So life is good!
As Earl Nightingale said, “With every seed of adversity, there is a seed of equal or greater benefit.” That’s why you’ll only succeed as much as you fail. And you will only fail as often as you are willing to push yourself outside your comfort zone and take risks.
“Nothing’s worse than doing something you know you shouldn’t be doing – you know it’s not working – but you’re doing it anyway because you’ve been told to “never give up.” Sometimes quitting is the best decision you can make.” -Gerrid Smith
When It’s Time to Learn, Shut Up, and Listen
When people take their valuable time to give us instruction or free words of advice, we should focus 100% of that time on listening and absorbing the information rather than talking. If we don’t interrupt or feel the need to interject, we’ll learn more, gain respect, and improve the odds of receiving advice in the future.
Throughout my career, I have had countless people ask for a small block of time to pick my brain. In literally 90% of these conversations, they spend more time talking than listening. I would often get off the phone thinking “There’s another person who can’t shut up and listen to advice without having to say something.”
In fact, it’s rare to find people who really understand how to take advantage of our time together. Yesterday, I had a telephone conversation with a man I had never met. By the time we got off the phone, I found myself beginning to admire a guy I had never talked to before. Why? Because he listened intently and asked good questions. Sounds so simple.
Not really. The same day I had a conversation with Darren Hardy, the publisher of Success Magazine. Darren took his valuable time to give me some advice about a decision I needed to make. And what did I find myself doing? Talking. Interjecting. I became one of those people who drive me crazy.
I got off the phone totally disappointed in myself. Why did I feel the need to interject and comment? Was it ego? Was it my inability to keep my mouth shut? Was it that I felt I needed to agree by sharing a related story? What was it?
While I still don’t know the answer, I made the commitment that from this day forward I am going to shut up and listen. When people take their valuable time to give me advice and help me grow, I am not going to say boo until such time as there has been a two-second pause. Not boo.
How about you? Do you think you can do it? Will you join me in making the same commitment? If you accept my challenge, then say “I do” right now.
Eighty-five percent of our learning comes from listening, and you can’t listen when you are talking.
What’s Your Email Brand?
Have you ever stopped to think that every email you send makes an impression on someone? Each of these impressions plays an important role in defining your personal brand.
As I pointed out in the post What’s Your Brand?, just as products carry a brand, people also carry a brand.
We are all branding ourselves every day in every way—by how we sound on the phone; by our appearance; by our physical shape; by how we acknowledge people and even by the way we communicate through email.
Take a few seconds to think of someone who is very friendly in his or her communications with you. Have you thought of someone? What’s your impression of this person?
Now think of someone who sends one-line emails, who gets to the bottom line quickly and who seldom sounds friendly. How do you view this person?
If I were to ask you to give me the name of someone who seldom returns your emails, whose name would you give me? How do you feel about this person?
Are you beginning to see how email communications affect how you view people?
If the people you have communicated with over the last 30 days were to take an online survey to describe your personal email brand, what would the survey results show? Think about it. It’s important.
Now take a second and think about your goals and consider the person you need to become to achieve your goals. Would these survey results be consistent with this person?
My mentor Jim Rohn said, “For your life to get better, you have got to get better” and email communication is part of getting better. Don’t ever allow yourself to think that something doesn’t matter; everything matters.
Here are my top six email branding tips:
1. Take the time- If you have read my time-management posts, you know I think about time management every day. While I place a priority on effective time management, how I’m viewed is more important.
Even though it may take an extra few minutes to make sure my emails are properly composed and reflect a sincere and friendly personality, it’s worth it! Since email communication is my #1 method of communicating with others, I am intentional about how I present myself.
2. Return emails-If you fail to return emails or you don’t return them in a timely manner, you will negatively impact your brand. People who do not return their emails are considered by most people to be inconsiderate and irresponsible.
Let me encourage you to return 100% of the emails where a response would be considered appropriate. Let me also recommend responding to all emails where someone has done something for you, even if a response is not required. Saying something as simple as “Thanks, Josh” will be appreciated.
In today’s world, I believe most people expect a response to their emails within 24 hours. While it may not be possible to return all your emails within 24 hours, make it the exception rather than the norm.
3. Use their name- Everyone likes to see and hear their name. In Dale Carnegie’s timeless book How to Win Friends and Influence People, he talks about how people love to hear their names. Let me encourage you to take the extra 2-3 seconds to address people by their names.
4. Be Friendly- One of the most important keys to your personal and professional success is to be viewed as someone who is likable. The more likable you are, the more people will be attracted to you. I believe the number one way to be considered likable is to be friendly.
Take an extra two seconds to put “Hi” or “Hey” in front of a person’s name.
Let me also suggest that you take an extra 5-10 seconds to open and/or close your email with something friendly. A few examples:
“It’s great hearing from you.”
“Thanks for getting back to me so quickly.”
“I hope you have a fun and relaxing weekend.”
“I appreciate all you do.”
This extra effort will be recognized because so few people do it.
5. Be Clear and Concise- After a friendly opening, my goal is to communicate my message with clarity, using the fewest number of words possible.
I want to be clear so people immediately understand my email without having to think about it or study it for its real meaning.
Being concise is valuable because it keeps me from typing unnecessary words and increases the odds of my email being returned in a timely manner.
Starting today, really work on saying what you want to say as clearly as you can, using the fewest number of words. This exercise will improve all of your written and verbal communications.
6. Proof It- Don’t allow yourself to get sloppy. Proof every email you send. Under no circumstances do I send any email without proofing it at least once. If it is an important email, I will read it two to three times to make sure I am proud of it.
If you will be intentional about the way you present yourself through email as described in this lesson, your efforts will make you stand out from the crowd.
Since email communication is one of the primary ways people communicate, don’t underestimate its role in defining your personal brand.
Living Beyond Ourselves
Lately I have been giving a lot of thought to the concept of selfishness. Perhaps that’s because it’s an area in which I personally struggle. I know I am not alone in asking the question: Is it our natural human tendency to be selfish?
One could argue that our economic system rewards greed and selfishness and that while putting others first feels good, most of us put our personal interests and desires first.
And on a more basic level, how we conduct our daily lives says a lot about whether we are selfish. Do we only think about ourselves or do we have concern for others? Are there circumstances where it’s appropriate to be primarily concerned with one’s own personal profit, pleasure, or desires? What’s the proper balance?
As you can see, I know the questions to ask but don’t necessarily have the answers. Here are some of my observations.
I feel like there are more people today who are selfish than at any other time during my adult life. I am witnessing a higher percentage of people who won’t let you in when changing lanes, who hardly acknowledge the store clerk who serves them, who won’t return a call, email, or RSVP for a party, or who insists on being the center of attention. It’s like people are living in their own self-serving cocoons with little regard for the world going on around them.
The good news is that for those of us who want to attract success into our life by striving to be our personal best, we can stand out from the crowd if we will put the interests of others before our own.
In writing this lesson, I made a list of all the people I know who are unselfish. I then racked my brain to think of other words that would appropriately describe these people. Here are the words that apply to each person on my list: likable, friendly, trusted, caring, thoughtful, respected, integrity, giver, and leader.
WOW!
It seems as though all the positive attributes a person should have go hand in hand with being unselfish. Intrinsically, I knew it was important to be selfless, but this little exercise reinforced its significance. Here’s an exercise for you: make a list of the people you know who are unselfish and see if these words apply to them.
Assuming that our natural tendency is selfishness, we must be extra intentional about putting others first. I want to challenge you over the next week to put the interests of others before your own. Your daily routine will literally present hundreds of opportunities.
Here are some things to consider as part of this exercise.
When you pull out your gum or mints, graciously offer one to those around you before taking one for yourself.
As you walk through doorways, smile, hold the door open, and say something nice to the other people, even if you have to wait a couple of seconds for them to enter the doorway.
When you are walking and someone is going to cross your path, stop, acknowledge the person, and let him or her go first.
If you live in a home with other people, keep your stuff cleaned up, so they don’t have to see it or clean it up on your behalf.
If you work in an office, keep your personal work area clean and make sure the overall work environment is one that all of your co-workers can appreciate.
When driving, show courtesy to the drivers around you.
Here’s a tough one: when having conversations with people, listen more than you talk and wait until it’s your turn before talking.
If you have friends or family members going through a difficult period, pick up the phone and tell them how much you appreciate them and offer a word of encouragement.
If we stop and think about it, there are many opportunities in the course of a normal day to be unselfish and do something nice for another person. I want to encourage you over the next week to be aware of these opportunities.
And then there’s the chance to take your selflessness to a higher level. Millions of people need food, shelter, access to health care, and protection from abuse. Count your blessings and give from your heart. Time, money, or both.
If you will accept my challenge, your efforts will be recognized and appreciated. You will develop deeper friendships; people’s respect for you will grow; you will enjoy a better love life; and you will feel better about whom you are becoming as a person.
When you put the needs, desires, and interests of others before your own, you will feel and see the rewards of your unselfish efforts.
“You can have everything in life that you want if you will just help enough other people get what they want.” Zig Ziglar
What to Do When You Are Overwhelmed
Throughout my career, I can recall countless periods of time when I was overwhelmed and stressed out. As I reflect back on many of these periods, they were during seasons of great growth in my career.
While sustained stress is not good for you, if you are not experiencing any stress at all, it’s likely you’re not growing. Think about it. Being comfortable never leads to growth.
In this lesson, I will share with you the process I go through when I am stressed out and overwhelmed.
Step 1. Prioritized list. When I find it hard to breathe because of the pile of work I have to complete, I STOP everything and take 30 minutes to sit down and prioritize all my responsibilities. While I keep a daily to-do list which is very helpful, the list I am referring to will include my responsibilities that go beyond those on my daily to-do list.
Step 2. Strategize. I then think through what is involved in completing each of these responsibilities. I review in my mind the process of what must get done to complete these tasks. This is my opportunity to try to get my arms around each of my responsibilities and to fully understand what needs to be accomplished and the amount of time it will take.
Step 3. Two lists. When I feel that I have a clear understanding of what needs to get done, I create two lists. This first list includes the things that ONLY Todd Smith can do, listed in priority sequence. The second list contains the things I will delegate to others, also in a prioritized sequence.
Step 3. Delegate. As an entrepreneur with no employees, delegating to an employee is not an option. My four options are my wife, my kids, my dad, and outside service providers. While I seldom ask my wife and kids to do things for me, they do help out where they can if they sense I am totally overwhelmed.
The key to this step is to try to find people who can help you by doing the things that others can do. It might be asking your neighbor to pick up your child from soccer practice. I’ve learned that as long as you don’t abuse these relationships, people will generally be happy to help when you are in a crunch.
Step 4. Responsibility. Now it’s time to evaluate the things that only I can do and consider the time remaining to do them. My objective is to determine if there are enough hours in a day to complete these tasks on time. I am not talking about normal working hours. I mean all available hours outside of sleeping and eating.
Since I take great pride in being a person who is responsible, I will get up an hour earlier, stay up an hour later, and work weekends to fulfill my responsibilities. There are times when it’s not possible to achieve an effective balance between family and career. This is one of them. I am 100% all about work.
The good news is that these periods generally last less than one week. My family understands that the benefits my efforts provide are worth those times I have to put my head down and work without coming up for air.
If I determine that I can’t complete something on time, I immediately call the people who will be affected. I explain the situation without making excuses and tell them when it will be completed.
No one likes to hear about a missed deadline, but everyone I deal with appreciates having advance notice.
Step 5. Attack. I turn off the phone, shut down my email, and attack my responsibilities in priority sequence. Every big thing is made up of little things, so I just do the little things in priority sequence. Sometimes I feel like I am walking in quicksand, but I just keep trudging and eventually, it all gets done.
I have found that when I break down my responsibilities and attack them in a prioritized sequence, I feel less stressed because I know I am working on my plan and doing all I can do.
As you complete each item on your list, cross it off. This will give you a sense of accomplishment and motivation to continue with your attack.
Next time you feel overwhelmed, come back to Little Things Matter and take 5 minutes to read or listen to this lesson.
Welcome these times in your life and learn from them. These are often the times when you are forced to spend your time doing the things that represent the highest and best use of your time. When you spend your time doing what only you can do, you will maximize your value to the market.
Your greatest opportunities for personal and career growth can come from being overwhelmed.
What Will Be Your Legacy?
Have you ever thought about how you want to be remembered? At your funeral, as people reflect on the type of person you have been, your accomplishments and the experiences they have had with you, what will be the dominant thoughts in their minds? When they listen to your eulogy, what would you like for them to hear?
I remember when my family and I watched a television show called Undercover Boss. This particular episode featured Rick Arquilla, president and COO of Roto-Rooter.
Rick went undercover and posed as a rank-and-file employee to determine what it’s really like to work in the trenches of his own company. Needless to say, it was a humbling and eye-opening experience.
At the conclusion of the show, his eyes swelled with tears as he spoke about his employees. He said, “I don’t want to be remembered as just the guy who helped Roto-Rooter earn profits.” He went on to say he wanted to be remembered as the guy who made a difference in the lives of his employees.
Internationally-recognized leadership expert John C. Maxwell said, “Too often, leaders put their energy into organizations, buildings, systems, or other lifeless objects. But only people live on after we are gone. Everything else is temporary.”
My mentor, Jim Rohn, whose legacy will be recognized for generations to come, said, “The legacy we leave is part of the ongoing foundations of life. Those who came before leave us the world we live in. Those who will come after will only have what we leave them. We are stewards of this world, and we have a calling in our lives to leave it better than how we found it, even if it seems like such a small part.”
Author Ken Dychtwald and his colleagues at his company, Age Wave, discovered four “pillars of legacy” when conducting a survey amongst the elder generation and their baby boomer children. These pillars are: values and life lessons, instructions and wishes to be fulfilled, possessions of emotional value, and property and money.
Guess which pillar was most important to the survey participants.
Values and life lessons.
Dychtwald observed that “There’s this enormous craving, this desire for people in their maturity to share what they’ve learned, to pass on lessons of a lifetime, to teach, to feel that their life experience is being invested, even planted, into the field of tomorrow.” Dychtwald also found that “there was a similar response—a natural, innate appetite on the part of younger generations—to receive that.”
Now back to the Undercover Boss. Rick Arquilla’s comments reminded me of the soul-searching process I went through last year. Like Rick, I didn’t want to be remembered as just a successful entrepreneur.
I have been blessed to enjoy a unique career that has given me the opportunity to observe thousands of people both succeed and fail. And I have acquired unique insights and perspectives into what it takes to achieve your personal and professional best.
I found myself feeling a sense of responsibility to take the lessons I have learned over the last 30 years and “infuse” that knowledge into the minds of others.
This blog is the first step in creating my legacy. Each post shares my life lessons with the hope it will help others reach higher and achieve more than they would have without the benefit of my experiences.
So, what will your legacy be?
Even if you are in your teens or early 20s, it’s not too early to begin thinking about the life you want to live and the imprint you want to leave on the world.
It is easy to be selfish and only think about your personal desires, but I want to challenge you to start thinking about what you can do to make our world a better place for future generations.
While there are many things we can’t control, we can control how we are remembered.
The Value of Being Clear and Concise in Your Communications
Have you ever read a long email and said to yourself, “When is this person ever going to get to the point?” Or just as painful, have you found yourself listening to someone talk for 10 minutes and being completely lost as to where the person is going with the conversation?
People who are indirect in the communication of their messages tend to hint at things, give mixed messages, and avoid getting to the point. It’s as if they expect people to be mind readers. What they don’t realize is that their failure to communicate effectively is undermining their ability to build relationships and advance their lives personally and professionally.
In preparation for this lesson, I asked myself, “Of the thousands of people I have worked with in my career, do I know anyone who has been successful who rambles on in their communications?” And guess what? I could not think of one person.
While concise communication is important, we need to be careful that we are not so direct that people view us as abrupt or unfriendly. A significant component of becoming successful both personally and professionally is learning how to communicate your message in a personable and friendly manner, while at the same time being clear, concise, and direct in your message.
People who are able to combine the “likability factor” with good communication skills tend to be more respected. This foundation enables them to build more meaningful relationships and bring more value to the market.
I wish I could tell you that achieving this balance is easy, but it’s not. It requires an intentional effort, and even then it’s difficult. But I can assure you, it will be time well spent.
Being clear and concise in my communication is something I work on EVERY day. I think about it with EVERY email I type. I think about it with EVERY comment I make on a social media site. I think about it in EVERY blog post I write. I think about it EVERY time I conduct a training and I think about it in EVERY business conversation I have.
I even think about it when I place a pickup order at our favorite local restaurant. Perhaps the only time I don’t think about it is when I have a casual social conversation with my family members or friends.
There is no doubt in my mind that my detailed attention to how I communicate has played an essential element in my personal brand and in my market value.
I want to challenge you to start being aware of ALL of your communications and consider how you can most effectively convey your thoughts in a clear, direct, and friendly manner.
Starting with the next thing you type, ask yourself the following three questions:
- Is it friendly?
- Is it clear?
- Is it concise?
When you next engage in a conversation, ask yourself the same three questions:
- Is it friendly?
- Is it clear?
- Is it concise?
As is the case with all of the Little Things Matter lessons, mastering them requires an intentional effort. It begins with one attempt, then the next, and one after that, with each experience building on the previous.
Going the extra mile brings the greatest rewards. Why? Because so few people are willing to do what it really takes to consistently be their personal best.
Once you begin to focus on the quality of your communication, you will immediately see improvement. But your ultimate success will come as a result of the compounding effect of the daily attention paid to effective communication.
Successful communication requires a balance of skills. Be clear and concise, but be likable in the process.
My Top Investment Tip
Little Things Matter was created to teach you all “the little things” that I believe are necessary for achieving personal and professional success. One of the keys to enjoying personal success is to be smart with how you invest your money.
Over the last couple of years, I have seen far too many people I know personally lose ALL of their money. In some cases, their net worth was in the millions and they lost everything, even their marriages.
One of the best ways to learn how to be successful is to observe the behavior of others. There is a lot to be gained by analyzing both their good and bad examples. When it comes to investments, I have learned a lot more by watching people make bad decisions than good decisions.
Most of the people I am referring to are in their 40s and 50s. Typically, they saved money for years through modest investment strategies and then got too aggressive.
Warren Buffet’s number-one investment advice: don’t lose money. His number-two tip is: read number one. While this sounds simple and may be great advice, none of the people who lost everything planned to do so. In fact, if you were to ask them what they thought their odds were of losing everything, they would have said ZERO.
Most of the people I have described lost their money in Florida residential real estate investments. Their rationale for their investment seemed reasonable. Never in recorded history has Florida’s home values declined. Given this statistic, you can see why so many people had confidence in buying Florida real estate.
As a result of the numerous poor investment decisions I’ve made over the years combined with observing the bad investment decisions of others, there is one rule that I will NEVER break as long as I live: I will NEVER invest more than 10% of my net worth in any one investment, except for my primary residence.
By capping any one investment at 10% of your net worth, the most you can lose is 10% if something terrible happens to that investment. That will be a bad day, but not as bad as it would be if you lost 100%.
My belief in limiting any one investment to 10% is so strong that I have asked my estate-planning attorney to add a clause to my trust documents. It provides that in the event of my death, at no time can more than 10% of the assets be invested in any one investment. This is my way of making sure my wife and/or children don’t make this serious mistake.
I realize this topic is a sensitive one and different from all the other little things I have shared with you so far. But if this little thing keeps you from losing a large chunk of your hard-earned money, this may turn out to be the most important lesson of all.
One of the best investment decisions you can ever make is to say NO!
The 12 Fastest Ways to Build Rapport (Part 2)
Read Part 1
When we meet people, whether it be in person or over the phone, we intuitively and oftentimes within seconds, form an opinion of them. Here’s a secret: they do the same thing when meeting us.
If we are intentional, we can use this natural tendency to positively influence how people view us. And if we are extra intentional and focus on the 12 lessons outlined in this two-part series, we can accelerate this process and build rapport in a very short period of time.
In yesterday’s lesson, I reviewed with you the first six ways, and in today’s lesson, I will cover the remaining six. Whether you are trying to make a great first impression on your date or with a prospective client, applying these lessons will allow you to quickly connect with people.
7. Repeat Their Names— Have you ever met someone for the first time who hardly looked you in your eyes, said the standard “nice to meet you“ greeting without any authenticity behind their words, and couldn’t remember your name five seconds later? What impression did this person make on you?
When you greet people, make it a point of saying their names in your initial conversation. For example, “It’s a pleasure to meet you, Sharon.” And then when the conversation concludes, use their name again, such as, “Sharon, it was a real pleasure getting to know you.” When you say people’s names, you are showing them they are important to you.
8. Be Friendly—While this seems so obvious, so few people are intentional about coming across as friendly when meeting people. Most people act like it is an everyday occurrence and don’t think about the impression they are making on others. When people are friendly, it is generally just during their initial greeting, but then they forget it’s important.
Not only do you want to be intentional about being friendly when you meet people, but you want to focus on being friendly during your entire time together. When you are authentically friendly, it is reflected through your facial expressions, body language, voice tone, and the words you speak. Think of the friendliest people you know and learn from their example.
9. Show an Interest in Them—One of the keys, if not the most important, in building successful relationships is your ability to show a sincere interest, both in the person and things that are important to that person. The key to this point is to focus on them, NOT you!
By expressing genuine interest in someone’s qualities, background, stories, hobbies, career, or family you are demonstrating an interest in them.
When I was in real estate, I would pay attention to the things in people’s homes because it told me what is important to them. I then asked them questions about these things and in most cases they lit up like a light bulb and talked with great enthusiasm about these things. It was one thing I focused on in EVERY appointment because it made a difference.
10. Listen With Interest—Being a good listener is one of the most important skills you can master if you want to advance your career and build meaningful relationships. Listening is more than keeping your mouth shut while the other person is talking. When you REALLY listen, you demonstrate your interest in what is being said and you show your respect for the individual saying it.
When you are having a conversation with people, they can instinctively tell how interested you really are in the conversation. This is communicated through your body language, the questions you ask, and the expressions on your face. This is easy for me if it’s a subject in which I am interested. If the subject is not of interest, I have to be extra careful about how I am projecting myself.
11. Compliment Them—When people take the time to offer you a sincere compliment, how does that make you feel about them? Are you naturally drawn to people who speak positively of you? When you meet people and begin talking, look for the things on which you can compliment them. When you identify something, then look for the right time to offer your compliment with a feeling of genuineness and authenticity.
When I am intentional about building relationships with people, I am always looking for the little ways I can compliment or encourage them.
12. Model Them—Have you ever noticed how you are drawn to people with whom you share things in common? This is called the law of attraction and means that you will inevitably attract people into your life that are similar to you. Modeling is a technique I learned from Anthony Robbins, which is when you mirror or match the non-verbal and verbal communication of others.
As an example, when I am around people who talk softly, then I moderate my voice and speak softly. If they talk slowly, then I will do my best to match their speed and speak slowly. If they lean back in their chair, then I will casually lean back. If they lean forward, I will wait a couple of seconds, then slowly lean forward. Just remember, the more people intuitively feel you have in common, the more they will be attracted to you.
If you will work on the 12 rapport accelerators I have shared with you over the last two days, people will be drawn to you like a magnet. If you are intentional about using these lessons in your career, there is no doubt you will enjoy greater success. If you use them in your personal life, you will build more meaningful relationships and become a more valued friend.
I want to challenge you to focus on these 12 lessons when meeting people this next week. Let me also encourage you to learn more about each of these lessons by reading my related posts below.
There are many circumstances where the speed at which you are able to connect with someone will influence the outcome you achieve.
The 12 Fastest Ways to Build Rapport (Part 1)
Read Part 2
One of the keys to my success as an entrepreneur has been my ability to quickly build rapport with people. This was especially important when I was a Realtor, as I generally had less than one hour to get a seller to like and trust me enough to employ my services.
In this two-part series, I will share with you 12 ways you can accelerate the rapport-building process. These methods can be used during your next job interview, when you meet with a prospective client, or at the next social event you attend. Essentially, they can be used in any situation to quickly build relationships.
If you have been following my daily blog posts, you have learned about these lessons when I covered them individually, but in today’s lesson, I want to highlight their value in quickly building rapport with people you’ve never met.
1. Be on Time—When you are on time for a scheduled meeting, call, or appointment you demonstrate your respect for people’s time. You also show that you honor your commitments, you are dependable, and can be trusted. When you are late, you do the exact opposite and undermine your ability to quickly build a valued relationship.
Starting today, make it a point to arrive five minutes early for all your business and personal appointments.
2. Look Good—The first impression you make on people creates a lasting impression and it begins with the way we look. A good appearance includes the way you groom yourself and the clothing and jewelry you wear. All these little things combine to form your overall “look.”
If you want to make a great first impression, make sure you look like someone who takes pride in your appearance. Yes, it requires a little extra effort, but it is worth it.
3. Smile—When you meet people for the first time, the first thing they are going to notice is your overall look, but then their attention will immediately go to your face. If you offer a warm, welcoming, and sincere smile, they will be instinctively drawn to you. The key to your smile is to show an authentic interest in the other person, rather than the standard, half-hearted smile that almost everyone uses.
Not only should you focus on your smile when you first meet a person, but you also want to focus on smiling during your time together. The more you smile, the more people will like you.
4. Make Eye Contact—When you are engaged in a conversation with someone, make sure you maintain comfortable eye contact with this person. When you make eye contact, focus on communicating your sincere interest in the person, rather than just staring into his or her eyes. It’s a small but powerful distinction.
5. Your Handshake—The impression you make on people through your handshake influences how they feel about you. A proper handshake is even more important when meeting people for the first time. The manner in which you extend your hand, the degree of firmness, and the timing demonstrate your poise and confidence and will inevitably set the tone for your relationship.
Men, when you meet other men, be the first to offer your hand. When meeting women, wait for them to offer their hand. Women, when you meet both men and women in a business environment, immediately offer a firm handshake. Men and women who initiate a handshake are generally viewed as being confident.
6. Make Your Welcome Greeting Stand Out—The key here is to take 10 seconds and make them feel like the most important person on this earth. Most people simply shake a person’s hand and say the standard “Nice meeting you”, so this is your chance to stand out from the crowd as someone who is truly pleased to meet them.
If you will be intentional about working on these six points, you will definitely make a positive impression on everyone you meet and you will stand out from the crowd as someone who cares. In tomorrow’s lesson, I will share six more tips to accelerate the rapport-building process.
You can be successful in achieving any goal that is important to you if you will focus on the little things that matter.
My Top 10 Phone Tips (Part 2)
Read Part 1
As I pointed out yesterday, every time we are on the phone with someone we are making an impression that impacts how we are viewed. Chelsea Greenwood, owner of a 1.4 billion-dollar marketing firm, said, “You are your own brand whether you like it or not. And every experience has a lasting impression.”
Here are five more tips:
6. Speak With a Confident Tone—Whether you realize it or not, you are presenting your personal brand every time you have a conversation with someone. If you want to brand yourself as a self-assured professional, then you need to sound confident but not so confident that you sound arrogant.
Before people will buy anything you have to offer, they must first buy you, and they won’t buy you if you don’t present yourself as a confident person. If you want to move up the pay scale in your career, you must be a person who presents yourself as being self-assured, yet humble.
Think of the most successful people you know and consider how their confidence is subtly conveyed in their oral communications. Then compare how they sound to the people you know who are not successful. I’m confident you’ll recognize the difference.
7. The “Two Second” Rule—Yesterday, I had a phone conversation with a man who did not let me finish my sentences. He constantly interrupted me and interjected his thoughts about what I was saying. Needless to say, I was annoyed and completely turned off.
You should never interrupt people when you are speaking with them in person, and this holds true for telephone conversations as well. When you are on the phone with people, show them the respect and common courtesy of letting them finish what they are saying before responding.
Since you can’t see the person, it’s hard to know if they are finished with their thought or just pausing to go on to the next sentence. So it’s a good idea to follow the “two second” rule. Wait two seconds to make sure they have finished. If you start to talk and they are not finished, always encourage them to finish before sharing what you have to say.
8. Carry a Notepad—I carry a pad of paper with me everywhere I go. The first sheet is my daily to-do list. This allows me to always stay on track with my daily action plan and be prepared to make notes at any given time.
When I am conducting a business call, I almost always find myself taking notes. In some cases, these notes concern things that I will be responsible for after the call is finished. If I write them down, I won’t forget. In other cases, I find myself making notes of things I want to share or discuss when it is my turn to talk.
Writing down my thoughts during the conversation enables me to focus on the subject rather than trying to remember what I want to convey when the other person stops talking. This also prevents me from jumping into the conversation prematurely.
9. Know When to Not Use Your Hands-Free Device—If you are having an important conversation, regardless of whether it’s with your spouse, friend, or prospective client, speak directly into the phone.
In almost every case, I can recognize when people are talking on their hands-free device. I can hear background noises if others are around, hollow echo sounds if they are in a room that doesn’t absorb noise, and road noise if they are in the car. I can even hear them multi-tasking by opening bags of food, shuffling papers on their desk, or typing on their computer.
And it’s just plain harder to hear when someone is using a hands-free device. I find this annoying because it requires me to focus more intently to understand what they are saying. When you make important calls, you don’t want people to get frustrated because they are struggling to hear what you are saying or are distracted by whatever is going on around you.
This tip is only for important calls. I recognize the value of using hands-free devices and don’t want to discourage you from using them in appropriate circumstances. I also recognize that in some states, it’s a requirement to use a hands-free device while driving in your car.
10. Don’t Use a Speaker Phone—Unless you are in a room with a group of people who are part of your conversation, don’t use your speakerphone for any phone call. Talking on your speakerphone is 10 times worse than the concerns I raised in the previous point about using a Bluetooth device. Even if you are calling your best friend, show them the courtesy of talking directly into the phone.
If you implement the 10 phone tips I’ve shared with you over the past two days, you can be assured that you’ll make a positive impression on the people with whom you speak.
Starting now, be intentional about how you present yourself in all your personal and business calls. After a short time, most of the behaviors will become second nature to you. The only one I still struggle with after all these years is the “two second” rule; wait two seconds for the other person to finish talking.
How you present yourself over the phone is a reflection of your personal brand.
My Top 10 Phone Tips (Part 1)
Read Part 2
How many of you make judgments about people based on how they sound on the telephone? Because people cannot see us over the phone, they will form these opinions based on not only what we say, but also on how we say it.
If you stop to think about how much business is transacted over the phone on any given day, it’s wise to be conscious of your telephone-speaking voice, the words you use, and how you conduct yourself during a call. Today’s lesson is the first of a two-part series to help you make a positive impression on the phone.
1. Prepare for the Call—When I make business-related calls, I always take the time to prepare. I’ve found that the more prepared I am for a call, the more confident and ready I am for the ensuing discussion. If it’s a simple call, I may take as little as a minute or two to think about my agenda and get mentally prepared. If, on the other hand, it’s a very important call, I may spend as long as thirty minutes preparing.
Let me encourage you to start thinking about every call you make and see what you can do to be better prepared.
2. Always Begin by Introducing Yourself—When you place a call to someone, always start by introducing yourself to whoever answers the phone. Here are four different examples:
- If I call a person at a company and the phone is answered by someone other than the person I am calling, I will introduce myself by saying, “Hi, this is Todd Smith calling for Mike Black. Is Mike available?”
- Using the same example, if I have a call previously scheduled with Mike, I would reference the appointment in my greeting by saying, “Hi, my name is Todd Smith. I am calling for Mike Black. We have a 2:00 call scheduled.” By mentioning that you have a specific appointment, the call will take on some urgency.
- Using the same example, if Mary answers the phone and identifies herself, I suggest including her name in your greeting, such as, “Hi, Mary. My name is Todd Smith. How are you doing today?” After we exchange pleasantries, I would proceed by saying, “I am calling for Mike Black. We have a 2:00 call scheduled.”
Not only should you be friendly to everyone you meet, whether it’s in person or over the phone, but it is especially important to be nice to the receptionist or personal assistant of the person you are calling. This person generally has influence, and making a positive impression on this person will always help.
- If the person you are calling answers the phone, begin by introducing yourself as part of a friendly greeting, such as, “Hi, Mike, this is Todd Smith. How are you doing today?” You never want someone to wonder who’s calling.
3. Focus on Your Phone Energy—This past week, I spoke on the phone with a woman in the sales industry who was struggling with her career. On the phone, she spoke slowly with a very soft, quiet voice. As I listened to her talk, I thought to myself, “I have never met anyone who was highly successful who spoke slowly with a soft, quiet tone.”
I am not suggesting that you have to go over the top with your energy, voice tone, and speed, but I believe it is important to sound like you are happy to be alive, that you are enjoying a successful career, and that you are genuinely pleased to be speaking to the other person.
People who sound upbeat and positive almost always make a better impression than those who don’t. And if you are in outside sales, I don’t think there is a prayer of succeeding if you don’t present yourself as I’ve just described.
4. Be Friendly—Whether you are talking to a co-worker, friend, prospective client, or the CEO of a company with whom you are interviewing, you should always strive to be friendly on the phone. As you may recall from my post How Likable Are You, people are naturally drawn to people who are likable.
In the business and political world, people who are likable have a clear advantage. The more you speak with a smile on your face and with a friendly tone, the more people will like you and want to do business with you and/or your company.
5. Make the Other Person Feel Comfortable—When speaking with people for the first time, in some cases, you may sense they are a little uncomfortable. This is especially true when you are on the receiving end of someone’s call. When I sense people are a little uneasy, I always try to be extra friendly to make them feel comfortable. This additional effort almost always allows the person to relax and results in a more engaging conversation.
Tomorrow, I will give you five more tips to incorporate into your phone conversations. In the meantime, perform a little self-evaluation when you are on the phone today. How would you rate your tone, energy level, and etiquette?
“The way we communicate with others and with ourselves ultimately determines the quality of our lives”- Anthony Robbins
10 Ways to Build Your Self-Image (Part 2)
Read Part 1
In yesterday’s lesson, I pointed out the critical importance of building a strong self-image if you want to live a happy, successful, and fulfilling life. I then outlined the first five ways to build your self-image. In today’s lesson, I will continue this two-part series with the remaining five points.
For the sake of this lesson, I define your self-image as the combination of your self-worth, self-confidence, self-esteem, and self-respect, because they really all do impact how you look at yourself.
6. Focus On Your Self-talk—Your self-talk is the conversations you have with yourself. If those conversations focus on your faults, mistakes, weaknesses, or insecurities, it will be impossible to feel good about yourself. Become aware of these conversations and make sure they stay positive. When they get negative, analyze the reason behind your thoughts and work to correct them.
As I said in It’s a New Day, when you make mistakes, learn all you can learn from them and use your self-control to move on. Learning to control the conversations you have with yourself is critical to building a strong self-image.
7. Practice Daily Self-discipline—As I said in my post, The Hidden Benefit of Discipline, there is a direct link between your self-image and your self-discipline. When you do what you know you should do, you will feel great about yourself. At the same time, when you don’t do the things you know you should, it has the opposite effect. Go do something you have been putting off and see how you feel about yourself when you are done.
8. Don’t Be So Hard on Yourself—This point is a fine line. On one hand, if you don’t push and stretch yourself, you will never become all you are capable of becoming. At the same time, you need to recognize that it’s okay to give yourself a break from time to time. No one is perfect. We all make mistakes. We all have weaknesses. Learn to push yourself to be your best, but at the same time, don’t beat yourself up if you’re not perfect.
9. Learn How to Deal with Criticism—One of the things that I often see that destroys a person’s self-image is their inability to accept and process criticism. I would bet I have received constructive feedback or criticism more than a thousand times. While all feedback and criticism are hard at first, the key is to be able to learn all you can learn from it, and then to use your self-control to stop thinking about it. Dwelling on criticism is a self-image killer.
10. Focus on God’s Plan for Your Life—God has a plan and purpose for your life. More than likely, it is staring you in the face. Make a list of your most unique gifts and strengths and understand they have been given to you for a reason. If you will use those to their fullest, your life will take on a new meaning and your self-image will soar.
If you are struggling with your self-image, then starting today, incorporate these 10 tips into your daily routine. When you get down on yourself, re-read Part 1 and Part 2 of this lesson.
Bonus Tip: Stop hanging out with people who tear you down and start hanging around the people who lift you up. The people you allow in your life will influence the person you become.
“Are you allowing your weaknesses and insecurities to keep you from being your best? God loves to use ordinary people just like you and me, faults and all, to do extraordinary things.” -Joel Osteen
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